The Queens of Mordor
by Istalindar
Summary: FINISHED The Queens of Mordor were among the first humans, and through a lot of luck, the line has survived down to a girl raised in Rivendell with Aragorn, and who fell in love with Legolas, which changed the course of her life.
1. Beginnings

I am told that the day the elven scouts brought me to Rivendell was the last of a series of scorching hot days, and then for days after it rained none stop. I was too ill to know of this, if it was true. I was brought to Rivendell in my second year, though Elrond says I was silent, and did not weep, despite the way they found me - disheveled and lost. There were no other people in the vicinity that could have brought me to the Last Homely House, and it seemed I had negotiated the steep and dangerous sides of the valley on my own, young as I was.  
  
I was brought up as the sister to Aragorn, who was nine years old at the time of my arrival. I remember that he tolerated me in my younger years, though he started to include me more in his games as I grew older, and able to ride a horse and play at swords with him. I remember that he was happy at Rivendell, despite only having a girl that was seven years younger to keep him company.  
  
When he became fifteen, he began to ride out with hunting parties, and occasionally Elrond took Aragorn with him when he travelled to other parts of Middle Earth, though he always left me behind. I was nine when Aragorn rode out with a diplomatic party to Mirkwood, to meet with King Thranduil. They returned from that expedition with a stronger relationship, and Aragorn had found a new best friend, who had returned with the party from Mirkwood. His name was Legolas, and when at first I met him, I disliked him, because he had taken my friend from me. Aragorn no longer spent time with me, playing stupid games that it seemed he was too mature to play any longer. I bitterly resented Prince Legolas' intrusion in our quiet life, though soon I grew used to him, though I did not like him any more.  
  
One morning Legolas approached me in the library, where I had taken to reading, since I had been discarded by my only friend.  
  
"Lady Jané?" he had surprised me, since I had not heard him enter, though that in itself was not surprising.  
  
"Lord Legolas." I said stiffly, turning to face him. He smiled tentatively, and I realised he was nervous! Of all the things, that a thousand year old elven prince would be nervous of a ten year old girl!  
  
"I do not believe we got off on the right foot. You seem to resent my presence here. May I know why?" he asked politely. That was one thing that had always annoyed me about him, his constantly impeccable manners. Now I realise he has had millennia to work on them, but really.  
  
"Frankly, milord, I resent you being here because Aragorn has no time for me any longer." I said bluntly. Subtlety has never been my strong point, even now. Legolas seemed taken aback by my honesty, and then he suddenly smiled, and I was lost.  
  
He seemed such a different person when he smiled - he went from being cold and painfully formal to being kind and thoughtful and full of laughter. It seems ridiculous, that a ten year old girl should fall in love, but that was what it was. And I have never been the same since.  
  
After that particular conversation, both Legolas and Aragorn endeavoured to include me in their activities, and found I did not slow them down as often as they thought I would. Indeed, often I was faster than they were at many things. Often I sighted the quarry before them, and they would be left to stare after me as I went after a deer, to follow when Legolas' elven eyes spotted what I had spotted long before.  
  
When I was eleven, Aragorn left Rivendell, and Legolas went with him. Legolas travelled home to Mirkwood, and Aragorn began to learn of the wild, to become the ranger that he would be for a large part of his life. Again I was left alone in Rivendell, and I spent long hours outside, walking or just sitting. That was how Elrond explained the sudden illness I came down with.  
  
They found me in the woods after I had failed to return one day. I was snow-pale, and icy cold. Elrond found he could not heal me. I lay abed for near three weeks without waking once, then one morning I woke just as the sun's rays spilled through my windows. I felt refreshed, as though I had woken from a restful night's sleep, though I had a burden on my mind that would not be banished, try as I might. Eventually I got up and went to the library, barely pausing to pull a robe over my nightdress.  
  
I searched the library until I found the one volume I was looking for - it was thick, and ancient, bound in dry black leather. I lay it on the table and began reading. It told of the Queens of Mordor, who had ruled there almost before the first men had awoken, many ages ago. It told of how one woman had rallied the people around her to fight the forces of Morgoth, who had not expected to find them there. Morgoth, the first evil and the one and only of the Valar to go against the will of the Ilúvatar, had tried to crush her and failed. Many of her people died, but instead of surrendering she went underground into the deep caves in the mountains, and began to make an army there. The people there called her their Queen, because she of all the people refused to run from the black evil of Morgoth. She gave them faith and hope, even in the darkest caves of the mountains in the east. Her name was Morgaine.  
  
"There you are." Elrond said from the doorway. I spun, startled. The ancient history of Mordor had drawn me in and captivated me totally. "How are you feeling?" he asked me, sitting beside me in a chair.  
  
"Rested." I answered. "And yet there is a weight on my mind. It is something to do with Mordor of old, and yet I know not what." At my words Elrond seemed saddened somehow.  
  
"Then the time has come for you to meet Andel." Elrond said with a sigh.  
  
"What do you mean?" I asked, suddenly extremely frightened. There was great change happening, I could feel it in the air. "Ada?"  
  
Elrond turned to me and smiled reassuringly. "That can come later. You need rest. You were out for a long time." I pondered his words as he guided me back to my rooms.  
  
"Ada? How long was I asleep?" I asked. "I dreamed such strange things, but it seemed not long at all."  
  
"Three weeks you lay asleep, Jané, and never once did you stir."  
  
"Three weeks!" I exclaimed. But I could see it was true. The trees of Rivendell, which were only beginning to bud when I fell ill, were now near enough in full leaf. I went back to bed, fell asleep, and did not stir until the following morning, when I woke, very hungry.  
  
I dressed myself and went down to the kitchens, where I filched an apple and a pasty from the great tables that stood in the centre of the kitchen. I pocketed the apple, and juggled the hot pasty as I tried to eat it.  
  
"Jané." I turned as I heard Elrond call my name. He beckoned to me, and I went to where he stood, and saw the hooded figure that he had been speaking to. I curtsied politely, as I had been taught to do, and wondered what to do with the pasty, which I could hardly put in my pocket, since it oozed melted cheese.  
  
"Continue to eat, my child." The hooded person said. The voice alone told me that it was female, and getting on in years, meaning that it was human, not elf.  
  
"Thank you." I said with a smile. I bit into the pasty, burning my tongue. The woman sat on the stone bench under the tree, and put back her hood. She glanced at Elrond.  
  
"I shall take my leave." He said, and with a bow, was gone.  
  
"Sit, please, my dear. I have much to tell you." I sat next to her on the stone bench, and brushed crumbs from my pale green skirt.  
  
"Eldira Jané. I haven't heard that name in a long time." The woman said. "Do you know you were named for your mother?" I shook my head.  
  
"I know nothing of my mother, or my father." I said.  
  
"Your father is not important - you and your people are of the Lady tradition, which follows the line of the mother, not the father." I had the feeling I was being rebuked, and I inclined my head in acknowledgement.  
  
"I do not know your name" I said abruptly. The woman laughed. The lines in her face crinkled as she did so, and I had the feeling that the lines were made by laughter, and not by sorrow.  
  
"I am Andel, and I am your second cousin." Andel said with a smile. "Despite the fact that I was the daughter of your mother's uncle, I was brought up among the exiles of Mordor, and so know the traditions, that I might teach you."  
  
"Oh." There didn't seem to be anything else to say.  
  
"Eldira, you have a decision. You may stay here and let your fate find you, or you may travel with me to the hidden city of Denarssa. There you may learn tradition and history of Mordor, that information that you search for and yet will not find in the great library. The one volume you have found is the only volume you shall find here in Rivendell. If you travel with me to Denarssa you shall learn from women who know first hand, and also read many more volumes."  
  
The thought excited me. An insatiable thirst for knowledge of Mordor had filled me, and the knowledge that the book I had found was the only book dismayed me. "When would we go?" I asked.  
  
"As soon as possible." Andel answered me. "I would have taken you earlier, but I had to wait for the awakening before you would come." I nodded slowly.  
  
"Would I be able to return here?" I asked. Andel laughed.  
  
"You would be a guest there, not a prisoner, little one. You would be free to leave when you wish, though you would not be able to return again." I thought this over.  
  
"Does Elrond know you want to take me to Denarssa?" I asked.  
  
"He does. He believes you should go, if only to discover your ancestry." I brushed the crumbs from my skirt decisively.  
  
"I will go then. I need to know why I feel as I do."  
  
Two days later I was riding to Angmar with Andel, where Denarssa was hidden in the Ettenmoors. When we arrived, after three days easy riding which I spent gazing in wonder at the wild plains, it was with a royal welcome. This confused me some, though I let it slide. I spent the first day wandering the citadel, where the people there had given me a room, and wondering at the way everyone addressed me as 'Your Highness'. Finally, I could bear it no longer and went to Andel.  
  
"Why do people address me as your highness?" I asked her as she sat in a chair by a window.  
  
"Sit, dearest niece, and listen carefully." I sat, and she proceeded to tell me of a long line of women descended from Morgaine, the first queen of Mordor. After four generations of queens had passed after Morgaine, Mordor was attacked by men who thought the people of Mordor to be fell witches, not unlike the creatures of Morgoth. The Queen at the time, Janira, had not expected attack from men with whom they had previously lived in peace, and the men overran Mordor, and took the crown for themselves. Janira's three daughters were held captive, and used to ensure Janira's good behaviour. Then Dembra, the eldest daughter, told Janira that she was pregnant, and to flee. Janira had told Dembra to care for the two younger girls, and then fled. The usurper king was furious, and sent his men to bring the three girls before him, that they might suffer his wrath, as he had said they would, should their mother prove difficult.  
  
"The story says that the king had planned to be cruel to the daughters as he had been to the mother, but he never got the chance." Andel said, shaking her head sadly.  
  
"What happened?" I asked.  
  
"When Dembra heard their mother had escaped safely, she had rejoiced. But then she heard that the king had sent for them, and the two smaller girls were frightened. So she kissed them softly each, and slit their throats there in their bed chambers. That was when the soldiers came in, and found the two dead girls. They brought Dembra before the king, who was furious that not only had Janira escaped, but the two younger daughters had escaped his wrath. He told Dembra she would suffer greatly for what she had done, but she said simply that she had done best for her family, and that the line would continue, despite the rule of men and darkness. Then Dembra slit her throat before the king, and spilled her blood over him and his thrown. The three girls were burnt - the king had meant it as an insult, and instead had done them the highest honour, according to the traditions of Mordor at the time. The three girl's souls fled free from their earthly bodies."  
  
"And Queen Janira?" I asked.  
  
"She fled, and disappeared, we know not where. But we do know that a girl, the splitting image of her, was found in Lothlorien, the land of the Galadhrim, and that she knew of the traditions of Mordor. The Lady Galadriel herself said that the girl, Emria, was the last daughter of Janira, last Queen of old Mordor, and so the line had continued, and that it would continue on. And it did, Jané, it did. It went Emria, Darian, Brial, Dernin, Jané, Janira, Morgaine, Isolde, Eldiran, and so on to your great grandmother, my grandmother, Embra, then Morgan, your grandmother and my aunt, then of course Eldira Jané, your mother, and then you."  
  
"So you mean..." I trailed off.  
  
"Yes, dear. You are the latest in Morgaine's line, you are the Princess Eldira Jané of Mordor, and we believe the time has come for the crown to pass back to the people. In time, Jané, you may well become queen."  
  
I stayed at the hidden city for a total of twenty three years, in which I learnt all there was to know about Mordor. The history, the culture, the language, dance, song. But I also learnt of other things. How to use magic to manipulate the weather and the minds of others, to cloak ourselves in black cloaks enchanted to hide the wearer from all that would wish him harm, to start fires without tinder, though I'm sure Aragorn could do that in many ways that did not involve magic. I spent days in meditation and trance, learning of my ancestry by talking to spirits of the long dead Queens of Mordor.  
  
This was all made possible by two amazing women. Zeldra was woman in her fourties with a young daughter. She had descended from the line of Stewards of Mordor, even as I had from the line of Queens. She knew all I needed to know of Mordor from her mother, and she would teach it to her daughter. What she didn't know I learnt of Emriel, who was an elf as old as Galadriel. Emriel had been the childhood friend of Morgaine, and had remained in Mordor to watch over the queens and to aid their judgement. When Janira had fled, Emriel helped Venri, the Steward at the time, and Zeldra's great grandmother, to escape also, taking with her her young twin daughters Vena and Kella. Vena had three sons as an adult, whereas Kella had one daughter, who continued the line of Stewards, and so were both lines of Mordor preserved.  
  
Pls review and tell me if you like it. I might actually finish this one, as I've thought up and ending, and possibly a sequel (me getting ahead of myself again) so tell me if you like it. Love Istalindar 


	2. Antics

This is the one and only time I'm going 2 do this: Disclaimer - this stuff is not mine. Apart from Jané, and everyone else who was not originally in the books/movies. If u cant work out who they are for yourself, then you can just pretend they're all mine, and I'm a really talented person.  
  
I hope you like this chapter, and please review! I'm feeling kind of discouraged because I've only had one review! (sob!) so review and make me happy and I'll promise to finish this, and be very good about updating. Istalindar  
  
*&*  
  
I rose from my chamber restlessly, leaving behind the sleeping form of the man I had seduced the night before. The women here were endeavouring to teach me to be ruthless, and I was trying, really I was. But I could not put aside the feeling that this was unnecessary.  
  
"Did you do it?" Andel asked.  
  
"Of course I did." I answered, without looking at her. I gazed out the window towards the south, where I fancied I saw the deep crack in the earth where Rivendell lay. It was naught but a fancy, of course.  
  
"We have another for you. An elf."  
  
"And how can they be different from mortal men?" I cried, sick of all the manipulation.  
  
"The affect they can have on you is often very different." Andel said knowingly. I rolled my eyes.  
  
"Very well."  
  
*&*  
  
I was in my room when they brought him to me, and I knew I could not do it. Not this time. For even before they removed the bag over his head and untied his hands, I knew in my heart who it was.  
  
"Leave us." I ordered. The attendants left without another word. I removed the bag from his head myself, and untied his hands while he watched me in silence.  
  
"I did not expect to see you." He said finally.  
  
"Aye, well. It could have been worse." I answered. I sat on the edge of the bed, watching him as he wandered about the room, looking.  
  
"How came you to the Ettenmoors?" I asked.  
  
"I could ask you the same. I was coming through the north path of the mountains when I was brought here. How are you here?"  
  
"I've been here for nineteen years." I answered. "And have seen nothing of the outer world and its people for as long. Tell me, what news of Rivendell, of Elrond and Aragorn?"  
  
"Rivendell and Elrond continue as they have done for years." Legolas answered, "though Aragorn has fallen in love."  
  
"With whom?" I asked, always curious about my older brother.  
  
"Arwen Undomiel." Legolas said, and I understood the regret in his eyes. I laughed softly.  
  
"We should have known he would love one such as her." I said softly. "Always has he grasped the stars."  
  
"But think, Jané! She is elven kind - he is mortal! It can only end in bitter sadness." Legolas protested.  
  
"Do you believe they have not thought of the consequences, and so have accepted them? Does Arwen return his love?" Legolas nodded. "Then she is aware, even as you and I are, of what her fate will be, when Aragorn finally passes. There is nothing you may do for them, Legolas. But come now, if you are to escape unscathed, we must leave now, and I must be back by dawn."  
  
I guided him to the gate of the city, setting the guards asleep using the magic I had been taught. I gave Legolas a horse, and bid him flee to Rivendell, or across the mountains.  
  
"You will not come with me?" Legolas asked.  
  
"No. I must still remain, and finish what I have started. Ride well and fast my friend, and with Valar's blessings I shall see you soon." Legolas strode up to me and pressed a kiss against my lips, then mounted and galloped out of the city, leaving me standing in dawn's first rays, a smile on my face and my fingers on my lips.  
  
*&*  
  
I stood before the three women, Zelda, Andel and Emriel, and prepared to be thoroughly berated.  
  
"Did you do it?" Andel asked.  
  
"No." I answered simply. Emriel smiled, Zelda looked surprised, and Andel looked impassive, as usual.  
  
"Why not?" Andel asked sharply.  
  
"I couldn't." I said shrugging my shoulders.  
  
"But why?" asked Zelda.  
  
"Because he was Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood, and a good friend of mine and of my brother. I would not do that to him - he trusts me, and I would not betray that trust." Emriel's smile widened, but she continued to say nothing.  
  
Andel nodded. "You did well." It was my turn to be surprised.  
  
"What do you mean?" I asked.  
  
"We know it was Prince Legolas, and that he is a good friend of yours. We sent him to you on purpose." Andel answered.  
  
"What!" I cried. "I can't believe you. You sent him to me that I would betray him, all for the sake of your orders?"  
  
"No." Emriel said gently. "Because we had faith in you that you would not fail him or yourself. And we needed to teach you two very important lessons."  
  
"And they are?" I asked sullenly. All the manipulation was getting annoying. You'd think I'd get used to it after nineteen years.  
  
"One, that you cannot obey orders forever in your life; you are to be queen, not servant to the queen. And as queen you must learn when to trust your instincts, even when they go against the counsel of others. And two, that betrayal of friends often has unpleasant side affects. Aside from the guilt you'd feel, there is always the consideration that Legolas would tell Aragorn, who would not know what to think. And also, there may come a time when their trust is the only thing that allows you to follow your path. Had you betrayed Legolas, you would have been greatly inhibited by it." I said nothing, though it made perfect sense to me, and I was fervently glad I had not seduced Legolas. The consequences had I done would have been awful.  
  
*&*  
  
I spent four more years at Denarssa, until at last there was nothing more they could teach me. I was thirty five by then, and it became clear that I would have an extended life, much like that of the descendants of Númenor. I still looked only nineteen.  
  
I rode out of Denarssa at dawn, carrying with me few things - what I wore and what I would need on the short journey. The most important object hung around my neck, a small sun shaped locket-pendant that contained three seeds from the red tree of Mordor, that had flourished under the Queens of Mordor, but had withered and died under the king's rule.  
  
The horse I rode was a gift from Andel, who thought it time I had my own, as she said I would be doing a lot of riding. Right or wrong, I was glad to have a horse that belonged to me.  
  
I arrived in Rivendell as the sun was beginning to set. I could hear elves singing in the woods, and the sound made me smile. I had missed it here.  
  
I stood murmuring silly things at my horse, all about how lovely and darling she was and so on, when a step behind me drew my attention.  
  
"Speaking of lovelies, where have you been?" I turned and ran to my brother, jumping into his arms and wrapping my legs around him in a most unseemly way.  
  
"Aragorn!" I cried.  
  
"Well, your manners certainly haven't improved." He commented, turning in a full circle and kissing my cheek. "But you're a bit big for this now, Jané."  
  
"Big!" I exclaimed. "I always have been, and so far remain, tiny." It was true. I barely came to his shoulder.  
  
"Aye, but that frame-"  
  
"Don't say it!" I shook a warning finger at him.  
  
"I believe it would be most unwise to continue that thought aloud." The voice was from behind us, and I looked over Aragorn's shoulder as I slipped down. I brushed past him and smiled at the newcomer.  
  
"You must be Lady Arwen. I am Eldira Jané." I held out my hand to her, and she took it.  
  
"I'm glad to finally meet you. Aragorn has spoken of you often." Her voice was soft and lovely, like the rest of her, and I could see how Aragorn could have fallen in love with such a beauty. I looked over my shoulder at Aragorn, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"He has, has he? Not all bad, I hope?" I asked with a smile. Arwen laughed, and it sounded like water bubbling over stones.  
  
"Mainly on how you disappeared without a word for twenty three years, and only word I had was four years ago, when Legolas said he had a run in with you near the Ettenmoors." Aragorn said with a frown.  
  
"I was there for a while." I commented, though I did not elaborate. "But, if you'll excuse me, I want to see Ada again." I smiled at Arwen, though she looked a little confused, and hurried up into the main building. I could hear Aragorn explaining that I had always called Elrond Ada, despite being repeatedly told he was not my father.  
  
*&*  
  
I spent three weeks in Rivendell, getting to know Arwen better, and finding that the soft, beautiful and polite image was just the outside, and inside she was ridiculously funny and silly, and often engineered pranks on my brother, blaming it on me or some other unlucky soul who happened to be walking past. More often than not I got the blame for her tricks, though it was true I often had a hand in them. Like it was me who put the frog in his bed, though it was her idea.  
  
*&*  
  
The summons from Lothlorien came in the evening, when Arwen and I were sitting in the twilight garden, laughing over the stupid things our brothers had done, for instance Elladan replacing the pepper with chopped dried mushroom. That evening Arwen had wisely decided to skip dinner, though it meant she received the blame for the prank, as Elladan ate the 'pepper', and complained bitterly as though he was the victim.  
  
Haldir walked into the garden, and Arwen leapt to her feet.  
  
"Lord Haldir!" she cried, and hugged him. I was beginning to think that these ancient and dignified elves were not very dignified. I curtsied politely, and Haldir bowed.  
  
"Princess Jané, the Lady of the Wood has sent me to ask that you visit her in Lothlorien for a time, that she may tell you of some important events of your past." Arwen looked at me funny when Haldir called me 'Princess', but after twenty three years of being called that I hardly noticed.  
  
"I would be honoured." I said gravely. He smiled, and it occurred to me that maybe most blonde elves looked magnificent and amazing when they smiled, and not just Legolas. I smiled in return.  
  
"We leave in a few days. I have some business to discuss with the Lord Elrond, and then you are welcome to join us when we return to Lothlorien." Haldir suggested.  
  
I nodded. "I would be pleased to." I answered, and he bowed.  
  
"Please excuse me ladies, I have business elsewhere." He said, and left.  
  
Arwen immediately pounced. "What does he mean, Princess? Aragorn didn't say anything about you being a princess. I mean, I know about him, but you as well?" she exclaimed very quickly. I was just as confused as she was.  
  
"What about Aragorn?" I asked suspiciously.  
  
"Oh! I'm not meant to tell anyone." She said, dismayed.  
  
"Well, neither am I, so I'll tell you if you tell me, and it'll be our secret." I said. She considered for a moment, then nodded.  
  
"Very well. You're his sister, after all. Wait - does he know about you?"  
  
"No. no one does. Except Elrond, I think. I can't think how he doesn't know." I said, wrinkling my nose slightly.  
  
"Am I allowed to tell Aragorn?"  
  
"Only if he brings it up. After all, that's the only reason I'm finding out - because I asked." I reminded her.  
  
"Except that I accidentally let it slip." Arwen countered.  
  
"Just tell me!" I said impatiently.  
  
"Fine. Aragorn's descended from lots of people who were descended from Elendil, ergo he's Elendil's heir, and the rightful King of Gondor."  
  
"And I thought my secret was big." I muttered, but of course, Arwen heard me.  
  
"Now tell. You promised."  
  
"I did no such thing, but it was our bargain. Fine. I'm descended from lots of people who are descended from Morgaine, the first Queen of Mordor from the times when Galadriel was as young as you are, if not younger."  
  
"Elbereth, your secret is bigger!" she exclaimed, looking delighted. This seriously worried me.  
  
"Actually, it isn't." I corrected. "No one's looking for Morgaine's heir, because no one knows about her, because men and evil have ruled Mordor for longer than most can remember. People are looking for Elendil's heir because that's big news."  
  
"Arwen!" Aragorn's voice came from over the hedge, and Arwen grasped my arm.  
  
"You have to tell him!" she exclaimed.  
  
"What? No! I said you could tell him if, and only if, he asked. And I'll tell him under the same circumstances."  
  
"Tell me what? Oh, there you are, Arwen. Elrond wants to see you. Something about a salamander in his water jug, I believe." Aragorn grinned, and both Arwen and I pointed at him accusatorily.  
  
"It was you!" We exclaimed together.  
  
"I have seen many frightening things in my life, but none so terrifying as my sister and my love conspiring together. And it was me, but you put the frog in my bed."  
  
"We did not!" we both exclaimed indignantly.  
  
"Stop with the double act. Now shoo, Arwen. I think Elrond was quite displeased with your antics!" Arwen huffed outrageously, but as she left the garden, she called back:  
  
"Don't forget to tell him all about your little secret, Jané!" Aragorn sat next to me on the bench and turned to me.  
  
"What little secret?" he asked.  
  
"And you can talk!" I exclaimed. "What about yours?"  
  
"She told you?" Aragorn looked troubled.  
  
"Don't worry about it. I won't tell anyone. You know that."  
  
"Aye. Now tell me."  
  
"Oh fine. Did you ever hear of the Queens of Mordor?"  
  
"Vaguely. There were two called Janira and Morgaine, weren't there?" he asked. I nodded.  
  
"they were the most well known. Morgaine because she established the country, and Janira because she was the Queen when men took the crown from her."  
  
"He married her?" Aragorn asked.  
  
"Do you know how not funny you are?" I snapped. "He murdered many of her people, and held her and her three daughters hostage. Janira escaped with her unborn child, and Dembra, the eldest daughter, killed her sisters and herself to escape the men's torture and lasciviousness."  
  
"Ouch."  
  
"Indeed. Anyway. Janira's fourth daughter was born, and the line continued, mother to daughter, from her daughter Emria down to Eldira Jané, my mother-"  
  
"And down to you. So while I'm the heir to Gondor, you're the heir to Mordor. What a pair."  
  
"Indeed. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go find a frog."  
  
*&*  
  
Elrond and I were talking in one of the reception chambers attached to my rooms when Arwen ran in, in night-gown and robe. She slammed the door open, and threw something at me, which I caught lightening swift. It was the frog that I had caught earlier this evening.  
  
"Arwen, what is the meaning of this?" Elrond asked.  
  
"She." Arwen stopped to catch a breath. It seemed she had ran from her chambers on one side of Rivendell to mine on the other side in her haste to throw the poor suffering frog at me, and Rivendell was a large place. "She put that. That thing, in my bed!" she said, pointing at me. I petted the frog, cupping it in my hands. It was trying to sit still, but was shaking from its across-room flight.  
  
"It's only a frog, Arwen, dear. You've handled many before. And it's no reason to scare the poor thing half out of its wits by throwing it across the room." I said calmly, stroking it soothingly with one finger.  
  
"Is everything alright?" Aragorn stuck his head in the door, and saw Elrond, Arwen, and me holding the poor frog. "Oh, sorry." I pointed at him.  
  
"Has it occurred to you that it might be him that put the frog in your bed, as he put the salamander in Ada's water? Oops, wasn't meant to say that!" I covered my mouth with my hand in mock shame.  
  
"Hey!" Aragorn said. "You two deserved it, since I remember a certain fish in my bed."  
  
"I had nothing to do with that!" Arwen shouted.  
  
"That was twenty four years ago, Aragorn. Get over it!" I cried, standing.  
  
"And that was because you pushed her into the pond." Elrond added calmly. I swear he was enjoying this.  
  
"Only because she and Legolas strung a rope across the path to get me back for her dying Legolas' hair blue with blueberries put into the soap!"  
  
"Because you two got me in trouble with Ada when you dumped a bucket of water over me then a bucket of flour, ruining a new dress!" I shot back.  
  
"That was Elladan's doing!" Aragorn cried. "Not my fault."  
  
"I distinctly remember seeing you through the flour dust!" I said.  
  
"That sounds more like Elrohir." Elrond interjected.  
  
"No, Elladan did it too. Trust me." Arwen said, shaking her head. "Grandmother was furious at me about that dress."  
  
"Am I interrupting something?" Haldir said, looking amused at my doorway.  
  
"Well, one more can't hurt." I said sarcastically. "Know any stories about Arwen misbehaving?"  
  
"That's not fair!" Arwen cried, clutching her robe together.  
  
"Neither is life, dearest foster sister." I shot back. "Now, Lord Haldir?"  
  
"Well, there was that time..."  
  
"Don't! Please! Don't!" Arwen cried, grabbing his arm.  
  
"I distinctly remember pondweed instead of cabbage, is that right, Lady Arwen?"  
  
"Arwen Undomiel!" I cried in mock horror. "How on earth could you?"  
  
"It was easy." Arwen said with an evil sneer on her face, "After he conspired with Elladan and Elrohir to send me to the halls of Mandos."  
  
"I did no such thing." Haldir said, protesting his innocence. "I merely caught you, but you slipped out of my grasp. Fortunately, Elrohir caught you at the bottom."  
  
"Bottom of what?" I asked, curious.  
  
"Elrohir took me to the highest flet in Lothlorien, then 'slipped', pushing me over the side. I fell at least fifty feet before he," she pointed at Haldir, "caught me. He then dropped me over the side, where I fell at least eighty feet to the ground, where Elladan caught me."  
  
"It was more like sixty." Haldir said. Arwen glared. "Seventy then." He amended. She continued to glare.  
  
"Oh come, Arwen. It was not eighty feet."  
  
"You know very well it was, Haldir. You practically built the place." Arwen snapped. I looked at Aragorn.  
  
"Try it and I'll drop you off a cliff." I warned him.  
  
"Your threat has been noted." He said off-handedly. I rolled my eyes.  
  
"Children, enough." Elrond said. We all stared at him. "Arwen, I'll ensure no more frogs turn up in your bed."  
  
"So that's what it was all about." Haldir said with a chuckle.  
  
"Jané, please don't put any more frogs in Arwen's bed. Aragorn, enough with the salamanders. Haldir, please don't drop my daughter out of any more trees. Now, off with you. I can't sleep if you're all yelling at each other. And while you may be able to sleep late, I have business to attend to." He smiled at us, then left. Haldir followed, and Aragorn went to go as well, and paused at the doorway.  
  
"Will you two be alright, or will you slit each other's throats?" he asked. We glared. I picked up a comb from the table.  
  
"If you don't leave, Aragorn. I'll throw this at you." I threatened. He glanced at the comb, at me, at the comb again.  
  
"I don't believe you. Anyway. You're a lousy shot." I threw the comb, and Aragorn ducked out of the door. When he stuck his head back in, he found the comb embedded in the door frame.  
  
"That could have been my head!" he protested.  
  
"then it's a good thing it wasn't." I said calmly. "Now out." He left, and I took the comb out the doorframe and turned to Arwen. "Sorry about the frog, but you deserved it, after making Aragorn ask me."  
  
"I know. And I don't really care. But look at the fun that came out of it!" I shook my head, and smiled.  
  
"Goodnight." She hugged me.  
  
"Goodnight." She left, and I fell back on my bed, suddenly tired beyond measure. I quickly fell asleep.  
  
*&*  
  
What do you think? Review pls! I'll even take flames! Just review! Istalindar  
  
PS - I was describing this chapter, or part of it anyway, to a friend, and she said she didn't think elves would act the way they do in this chapter. But I don't think they could be totally all-knowing and solemn all the time, and if you read the Silmarillion (which took me AGES to read), you'll see that elves aren't always wise and whatever else they always seem to be. Now, I know Tolkein doesn't say they're really playful and silly etc. but I figure some of them must be, so I made them that way. I'm sorry if you don't like it, but that's just what I think. Istalindar 


	3. Lothlorien

I left for Lothlorien three days later with Haldir and the other Lothlorien elves. I regretted saying goodbye to Arwen, who had become a good friend while I was at Rivendell, though I knew I'd see her again. Probably soon.  
  
We reached Lothlorien after a week of travel over the mountains. They made me shiver and feel paranoid, and I was constantly looking over my shoulder.  
  
"These are fell mountains." Haldir said. "Goblins and Orcs are rife here."  
  
"Thank you." I said sweetly. "I desperately needed to know there's a reason for my paranoia." He smiled at my discomfort, and I made a note to find a frog when we reached Lothlorien.  
  
*&*  
  
Lothlorien was a haunting place, and when I stepped into it I was overrun by a torrent of emotions that weren't mine, and I suddenly knew where Queen Janira had disappeared to long ago. Her feelings and essence were strong here, despite the millennia past. A touch on my arm brought me back to the present.  
  
"My lady, are you well?" One of the elves that travelled with us was looking worriedly into my eyes. Haldir saw us and approached.  
  
"I am fine, thank you." I said graciously. I shook my head at Haldir, and he did not ask, or bring up the subject again. We were days into the wood when I heard her voice. She sounded old, like Emriel did. But it was old in a wise way, not old in a senile way.  
  
"Eldira Jané of Mordor." Her voice was full and filled my head and mind. "Welcome to Lothlorien. I have been waiting for you." I looked around, and none of the other elves seemed affected or different, so I assumed it had been only me who heard the Lady of the Wood in my head, or otherwise.  
  
We arrived the following day at the main dwelling in the forest of Lothlorien. Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn met us as the base of a white tower that wound about a tree.  
  
"Welcome to Lothlorien." She said. Her voice was quiet, yet filled the glade. I curtsied, as I had been told. "And welcome back, Marchwarden, you have been missed." She said to Haldir, who bowed.  
  
"Please, get rested. And then we must talk." Galadriel said. Other elves came and showed us to places where we would rest, and there I was left alone. Presently a female elf came and showed me to a bathing pool, where I was able to wash off the grime of our journey. When I emerged from the pool, the elf was gone, though she had left a towel and a long pale blue dress with embroidery.  
  
When I picked up the dress to put it on, I nearly dropped it in shock. The dress was familiar to me, though I had never seen it before in my life. And it was old. Millennia old, yet perfectly preserved. And I realised why it seemed so familiar - one of the queens had worn it - I still held their essences within me from the times I spent in Denarssa, meditating, and talking with their spirits. I smiled to myself, and buried my nose in the sky blue silk and sniffed. It smelt of Jasmine and rose, and a flash of a green land came before my eyes then vanished. I knew Mordor had not always been how it was now, but I had not expected it to be so green.  
  
*&*  
  
When I returned to my sleeping quarters, dressed in the sky blue dress with my black hair hanging loose down my back, the elf who had shown me the baths was waiting for me.  
  
"The Lady wishes to see you whenever you are ready." She told me. I nodded and smiled.  
  
"thank you. I just need to brush my hair and I'll be ready." She picked up a silver brush from the table, and gently pushed me into a chair, and she began to brush my hair. I was unused to this level of service, but I let her continue, lest she be offended if I stopped her.  
  
I put the gold coil into my hair myself, so that it held my hair away from my face. "I am ready." I said, and the elf nodded.  
  
"Follow me." She said, and I did. I came to a clear glade, where the Lady waited for me. She smiled at the elf, and she disappeared, leaving us alone.  
  
"Come." And she turned and walked away. I followed, for I didn't know what else to do. We came to a clearing where there was a stone table with a silver dish on the surface. The Lady poured water into it and gestured me towards it.  
  
"What do you see?" she asked. I leaned over it, gazing into the dish. At first all I saw as my reflection. Pale oval face with large dark green eyes and wavy black hair tumbling over my shoulders. My gold sun necklace swung in the necklace, and my eyes focused on it. When they turned back to the rest of the picture, my reflection had vanished, leaving a picture of a lush green land surrounded by mountains, and a city with a high tower in the centre. I saw a tall woman, dressed in blue with black hair sitting on a gold throne, wearing a crown which was a golden band with gold and bronze wavy spikes coming out of it, which looked much like flames. Then I saw dark shifting scenes, with people screaming all the way through. Then I saw a woman with chestnut hair riding a horse quickly across the plain, following a wide river to its source, then coming among the deep silver- green trees I recognised as belonging in Lothlorien. This, then, was Queen Janira, fleeing Mordor.  
  
I saw a glimpse of a new born child, then images of women's faces, one after the other, faster and faster until they were a blur of dark hair and blue eyes. Then suddenly my face stared back at me, different from the others with the green eyes. The view zoned back, and I saw myself kneeling before someone in a great marble hall, and in their hands was the crown I saw on the first woman of my vision. I could not see their face. I saw the black lands of Mordor lighten and change to green, and then green spread from the city I had seen before. I saw myself on a throne. Then there were dark jumbled scenes I could make no sense of, Legolas and a dwarf, Aragorn falling off a cliff, a tall blonde woman staring across the plains and wishing she were a man. Four small boys, with hairy feet and curling hair. A golden ring then a fiery eye. Then my necklace fell into the water, and the ripples spread across the surface. I pulled my face away, gasping.  
  
"I know what you saw. It is what might come to pass, should certain things come to be."  
  
"That eye..." I said. It filled me with dark foreboding.  
  
"The eye of Sauron. It is connected with the ring you saw, which is hidden at the moment." Galadriel said. I nodded, and touched the sun pendant at my throat. It was warm, and comfort flowed from it into me.  
  
"It is time you learnt of Mordor what you did not know. You know Mordor was originally called Anorondor, the land of dawn, and its colours were sky blue and gold."  
  
"And the flag was a gold sun on a blue background." I said.  
  
"Yes. A great darkness fell over Anorondor, when the men attacked and took the crown from the Queen Janira. She fled, and her daughters perished. All except one, Emria, who was not yet born when Janira fled. It came time for Janira to give birth while she was here, and her it was among the woods of Lorien than Emria was born. When Janira fled, she brought with her the most important items from Anorondor, so the king would not have them - the crown and flag. She also brought that dress that you wear now."  
  
"I knew it was hers. Her spirit still roams these woods."  
  
"It does. And if you're in the right place, at the right time, you can see her, barely six months after Emria was born. She took her life in the moonlight among the trees." Galadriel said. Her voice was impassive, though her blue eyes spoke of sadness. "You look much like her in that dress. Apart from your eyes. You have your father's eyes."  
  
"You knew my father?" I asked.  
  
"No. I knew of him. But I knew him not."  
  
"Does he still..."  
  
"No. he passed from this life many years ago, shortly after you were born." I nodded, regretting that I knew neither of my parents.  
  
"He loved Eldira greatly." Galadriel said gently. "When she passed from this life, so too did he."  
  
"He was elven?"  
  
"He was. His name was Eldethor, and though he never did anything remarkable in a large way, he made your mother want to live again, and that is indeed a wonderful feat. But more than this I do not know. Come, there is a feast in your honour."  
  
"You didn't have to-" I protested.  
  
"I know. But it is long since the Queen of Mordor has rested in Lorien." As I followed Galadriel back to the main dwelling, I couldn't help but think, 'I am not queen yet'.  
  
*&*  
  
I spun to the music, dancing the old dances as I had done in the hidden city. I hoped I was doing them right, because Galadriel had seen them before, and she didn't seem to be one who would forget.  
  
I lost myself in the music, in the dance steps that seemed more natural to me than breathing. I heard a small disturbance half way through the dance, but did not pause to see what it was, just kept spinning and dipping and turning and swaying letting the music dance me.  
  
When the music finally stopped, I dipped one last time, then paused to catch my breath. Galadriel looked pleased. I accepted a cup of wine from one of the elves and turned to the newcomer and nearly dropped my wine. Legolas leaned against the doorframe. I turned away, and found the elves calling for another dance.  
  
"Very well." I said. "But I do not think the Lady Galadriel will know this dance, for it was made long after my people had passed to the city in the west. It is a dance for Janira, who was the Queen of my people long ago, but disappeared after she was attacked by men she had considered friends." The music started, a slow melody as I had asked for. I began to sing to the music, and dance in the old pattern.  
  
The song and dance told of the defeat of Mordor by Men who had been considered friends. It told of the fear of Janira for herself and her daughters. Then of the news of her pregnancy from her eldest daughter, and her flight from the only land she had ever known, following her instincts to go northwest. It told of her discovery of Lothlorien, and the kindness of the Lady of the Wood. It told of the birth of Emria, and then the news of Janira's dead daughters, and then her own flight into the wood, where she wandered, then died. It told of how the Lady of the Wood had cared for the baby Emria, and taught her of Mordor, then sent her to the hidden city for safekeeping.  
  
The words I sang were not the words I had been taught, but words that I simply sang, one after the other. And yet I did not make it up as I went along. I felt as if I had always known this song. And maybe I had. I sang as though I was Janira, and perhaps for that song her ghost had come to the flet and sang through me. Then the words finished, and I danced, and She taught me the steps I had never known and yet had always known. And when it was done I was tired, and felt like I had gone for days without rest. Once I had stopped dancing, I stumbled, and the arms of an elf went around me, and Legolas' familiar voice whispered in my ear.  
  
"Why did you never tell me?" he asked. He sat me in a chair, and handed me a cup of wine, watching me like a hawk as I sipped it.  
  
"Tell you what?" I asked. I did not mean it to tease, only there was so much I had not told him, I hardly knew where to start.  
  
He stared at me hard. Then shook his head. "It is of no matter now." He said. He turned, and I grabbed his hand as he began to walk away.  
  
"Legolas." He turned to me. "I did not tell you before because I did not know. And I did not tell you at Denarssa because I did not know how, and had no time to think. I am the descendant of Morgaine and Janira and all the rest, and the heir to Mordor. I am sorry I did not tell you earlier." I said very quickly. Legolas studied me for a moment then nodded.  
  
"I can understand. And now would not be a good time for the knowledge that an heir to Mordor still lives to be widespread. Dark things are growing."  
  
"They are. But as for now...Legolas, can you give me a hand? I need sleep. Singing for Janira is tiring."  
  
I stood, and wavered slightly. Legolas grasped my arm and guided me out of the flet and down to my sleeping place.  
  
"What did you mean, singing for Janira?" he asked, as we walked.  
  
"Those were not the original words to the song." I said. I stumbled, and Legolas put his arm around my waist. I leaned into him. "And I half doubt that it was me singing. Can you not feel her?" Legolas looked at me sharply. Then stopped suddenly. There was a white figure approaching us, and I suddenly knew what to do. "Stay here." I whispered, then turned and walked towards the white figure.  
  
It was, as I had expected, a woman dressed as I was. But everything about her was pale, and I knew she no longer walked among the living.  
  
"Janira! Grandmother!" I called softly into the woods. She turned quickly, and I quashed a sudden blade of fear that shot through me. She approached me, and stood before me in a second.  
  
"Jané!" Legolas whispered. I ignored him.  
  
"My daughters! They are dead. All dead. And it is my fault!" the dead queen mourned. I slowly put my hand out and my fingertips touched something solid. Quick as lightening her hand wrapped around mine in an icy embrace. "Who are you, that you can touch me?" she hissed.  
  
"I am Princess Eldira Jané, exiled from Mordor, and the heir to Anorondor." I said. Her hands went about my throat quickly, and I gasped.  
  
"You lie!" the ghost screamed. "All my daughters are gone! The line of Queens is ended!" an owl called and rose from the trees.  
  
"NO!" I rasped out. "Your baby. Emria. She lives. She is my many times great grandmother. Why do you think I can touch you?" the ghost narrowed her eyes at me.  
  
"To whom else would Lady Galadriel give your dress?" I asked urgently. The dead Queen looked down at the blue gown I wore, and slowly released me. Her white hand stretched out to touch my shoulder, covered in the sky blue silk. "And the necklace!" I unfastened it, and opened it on the palm of my hand. "The locket with the seeds from the red tree!" the queen touched them gently.  
  
"I left this locket in Anorondor." The queen rasped.  
  
"Venri brought it with her when she escaped with her daughters and Emriel. Do you deny that it was yours?" I demanded.  
  
"No." the queen whispered. "And these are the seeds of the red tree."  
  
"Queen Janira, the line lives." I said softly, and sank into a deep curtsey. The ghostly woman raised me.  
  
"Then my daughter lives?" the queen asked, a tear slipping down her ghostly face.  
  
"She does." I said with a smile. "And she has a daughter called Emrian, who had a daughter called Brial. And from there it continued unto me." The queen smiled and took my hands. She studied them carefully, then kissed the palm of each.  
  
"You have the greatest blessing I can give, granddaughter." Janira said "You have raised my madness, and released me. I can rest now, and join my daughters, and my granddaughters. Thank you." She kissed my cheek, and dissolved in a swirling breeze.  
  
"Don't leave me!" I suddenly cried, terrified to be left alone, despite all the elves of Lorien, and Legolas, who still stood at the edge of the tree.  
  
"I am not gone, little Eldira Jané!" her laughter rang through the trees. "I am always within your heart." The mist swirled once more, then dissipated.  
  
I fell to my knees, tears streaming down my face. Legolas slowly came, and knelt beside me.  
  
"You handled that rather well." He said, and I knew he said it because he didn't know what else to say. I leaned against him, and he hugged me. He sang to me as I cried into his shirt - a song much older than he was, and I suddenly found I knew what he was singing! The song was in old Mordor, though his pronunciation was so bad I hadn't been able to tell at first. What struck me more was that it was a lullaby. It seemed that more than one queen had dwelt with the elves, and not just the elves of Lothlorien. Mirkwood, too seemed to have had one of the old queens living within its borders. My grandmothers certainly seemed to have travelled far across Middle Earth.  
  
*&*  
  
I woke next morning in my rooms, though I scarce remember getting there. Once dressed I went to search out the Lady Galadriel, for I knew in my heart what I must do, though I would need her help, if only to keep Legolas distracted, for he would forbid me to go, or worse, would insist on accompanying me.  
  
I found her in the centre of a birch grove, waiting for me. She smiled and took my hand, turning it over. In the centre was a small marking, pale against the rest of my skin. It was a sun, in the style of the suns of Mordor, and I knew how it had come to be there.  
  
"So you came to the Queen." Galadriel said. I nodded.  
  
"She was mad with despair."  
  
"And yet, you cured her, that she may pass." Galadriel released my hand. "I know what it is you must do, though I do not advise it."  
  
"I must go." I said insistently.  
  
"Indeed, though evading the prince will not be easy." She smiled knowingly.  
  
"For that I need your aid."  
  
"Yes. If you can wait for a few days, a feast can be arranged, and the prince can be made drunk, that he wakes not early enough to prevent your departure."  
  
This way seemed cold and almost cruel to me, but I could think of no other way to keep Legolas out of my way long enough for me to leave, and be far enough away that he did not follow.  
  
"Very well." I agreed. Galadriel smiled and departed, leaving me alone in the birch grove. A strange emptiness filled me, and I sank to the floor under the great birch, and leaned against its trunk.  
  
I was having second thoughts about my quest. It seemed at once prideful and foolish, though I was still driven to it. It would take me many months, and I approached my thirty sixth birthday even now. And there was always the large possibility I could be caught, and perhaps killed. Then the line of Queens would be ended - Andel was the closest relative, and nearest to the throne after me. But she was old; much too old for childbearing, and would probably be dead before the throne passed back to the line of queens. Then what would befall Mordor? The Queens would be dead, all because of a stupid mission I felt I had to take.  
  
"Perilous it may be, but stupid it isn't. The remaining free peoples of Mordor have all but forgotten the tales of the Queens, and of Anorondor. They must remember you, and be ready for you when you need them." The voice at my side made me jump. A young girl with reddish-blonde hair and blue eyes sat beside me. She was not elven kind, but mortal, though I could see signs of the Queens in her: her blue eyes, her slender figure. And at her throat she wore the sun pendant, even as it hung around my neck.  
  
"Who are you?" I asked.  
  
"Bria." The girl answered with a smile. I remembered not a queen with that name, though I knew of two with names similar.  
  
"I am not a Queen of the past, but perhaps a Queen of the future, if all goes well." She said with a smile. Her smile had the same quality that many elven smiles had, and I wondered at it. "Be brave, mother. The people are waiting for your call. But remember the eye, for it waits and prepares for the times to come. Do not let it see you!" she warned. Then she kissed me on the cheek and was gone, and I was left staring at the place where she had been sitting. I wondered at her calling me mother, but then I called many of my ancestors mother, because if you went back far enough they were, though they had many children before me, so perhaps it was not so strange.  
  
"Jané?" I looked up to see Legolas standing hesitantly at the edge of the birches. "I heard voices."  
  
"The trees talking." I said, standing. "You are well, this morning?"  
  
"I am. And you? You looked overly pale last night." He came towards me and touched my cheek.  
  
"I am well enough." I said with a smile. "Thank you for helping me to my sleeping rooms."  
  
"You're welcome." He paused and took a deep breath. "Jané, what was that...thing last night?" he asked.  
  
"Have you never seen a ghost before?" I teased. He shook his head. "Neither have I." He looked at me, surprised. "But I don't doubt that that is what it was. The ghost of Queen Janira who died here in Lothlorien thousands of years ago."  
  
"Why did she try to kill you? How did she nearly succeed, if she was ghost?" Legolas pressed.  
  
"I suppose its because I'm her great granddaughter. She was mad with grief for her three dead daughters, Legolas. Its unsurprising that she did not appreciate me insisting that the line lived, when to her, it had died." Legolas cocked his head in understanding.  
  
"I can see how that would infuriate her." He said. He held out his arm. "Walk with me?" I nodded and took it. "So what did you do at Denarssa for twenty three years?"  
  
"All about Mordor of old, songs, customs and all the rest of it. About the Queens and their children, and about how they ruled and lived. How to do magic-"  
  
"Magic?" Legolas asked warily.  
  
"Manipulating the weather, weak minds, and cloaking ourselves and others from the sight of others. That sort of thing."  
  
"Ah." Legolas said no more, but I could tell something had disturbed him.  
  
"What is it?" I asked.  
  
"You manipulate minds?"  
  
"As a rule, no. but I know how to, and the mind has to be weak anyway, and it also helps if someone wants to be manipulated."  
  
"How could someone want to be manipulated?" Legolas burst out. I started laughing.  
  
"That is exactly why it would not work on you!" I exclaimed through my laughter. He turned to face me, and held my shoulders.  
  
"Even if you wanted to?" he asked softly. My laughter stilled, as I stared at him. "Why was I brought to you in Denarssa?" he asked. I didn't know what to say. "Tell me, Jané. Why was I brought to you in Denarssa?" I opened my mouth to say something, though I didn't know what to say. "Tell me!" he whispered furiously, and I suddenly realised he knew, or at least had guessed.  
  
"Part of...part of what they were teaching me at Denarssa was to manipulate people...men. I had been taught how to...seduce men, and they were making me practice." I was unable to meet Legolas' eyes. "They felt I had succeeded at being able to seduce men, and so they sent an elf to me, because they said elves had different effects on you. But the moment they showed you in, I...I couldn't." I hung my head, and Legolas pushed me away and stormed to the other side of the small area we were in. I lifted my head to stare at his retreating back. "I'm sorry Legolas! I didn't know they would send you!" I cried out.  
  
"So any other elf would have done, would they?" Legolas turned to face me, and I took a step back, and my back hit a tree.  
  
"No! I mean...I don't know. I didn't feel for any of them - it was simply another exercise. Like building a flet. You don't think of the feelings of the wood you use." I floundered.  
  
"You didn't feel for any of them? What about me?" he took two steps towards me.  
  
"I don't understand-" Legolas came towards me faster than I could move away and pressed his lips down on mine. He devoured my mouth hungrily, with his hands on either side of my face. When he drew back for air, his eyes had darkened, and a pink flush was high on his cheekbones.  
  
"It was because of you..." Legolas kissed me again, and all thought of what I had been in the middle of saying fled my mind. I had loved him for twenty years, and while half of me rejoiced at the feeling of his lips on mine, the other half worried that it was simply lust on his part, and I simply an object, just as the men I had seduced had been to me.  
  
"Legolas." I gasped out, though I think it came out as more of a moan than anything else. "Please, Legolas. Stop." Legolas pulled back from me, and stared at me a moment, then something changed in his eyes.  
  
"Valar, Jané! I'm so sorry!" he turned and began to walk away.  
  
"Legolas! Stop!" I hurried after him, straightening my hair and dress, which his wandering hands had dishevelled. He paused a moment, but did not turn. I came so I stood before him, but he refused to meet my eyes. So I did the only thing I could think of and rose up on my toes and kissed him lightly. He started back.  
  
"Jané, don't. Just...don't." then he turned and disappeared into the forest. I stood silent for a moment, then turned and headed back to the main dwelling.  
  
*&*  
  
Galadriel needn't have worried about holding a feast, as that night Legolas drank until he was truly drunk. Haldir and I helped him back to his sleeping place, and laid him gently on the bed. He looked peaceful I touched him hair, and his hand grabbed my wrist, and yanked me forward. I fell across the bed, bracing myself on my arm.  
  
"Jané, I'm...sorry for what happened." He said in my ear. I nodded.  
  
"So am I, Legolas. I..." I trailed off. He was asleep.  
  
"Jané, everything's ready, and you need sleep. It isn't the easiest of journeys." Haldir said, laying a hand on my shoulder. I nodded, and kissed Legolas' forehead. Then I turned and went back to my own sleeping place, where I gratefully sank onto the bed and then into sweet oblivion. 


	4. Mordor

I smiled up at Lady Galadriel from the bank of the river.  
  
"Thank you for your kindness." I said softly. She had given me a pack full of Lembas bread, and a cloak made by her own fair hands. A white flower cloak pin fastened it at my throat.  
  
"Of course. It has been too long since your kind dwelt freely among us." Galadriel kissed my forehead and stroked my hair. Then she took my hand and slipped a silver ring onto my left first finger. In it was set an oval moonstone. "It shall bring luck with you. Go with our blessings." I nodded and stepped into the small boat, and took up the paddles. The elves pushed the boat off, and I began drifting downstream. I used the paddles to steer myself away from the bank.  
  
I was just coming out of Lothlorien when something on the bank beside me caught my eye. A running figure suddenly stopped and came forward. Legolas stood on the bank, and the look on his face made me want to turn back. I turned my face away and blinked back tears, and when I looked back, he was gone.  
  
*&*  
  
I came to Sarn Gebir after three days, passing between the two great statues of age-old kinds into the wide lake before the falls of Rauros. I paddled to the side, by Amon Hen, and looked across to Emyn Muil. Tomorrow morning I would cross the lake, and then hide the boat and continue on foot, through the hills and then to the Dead Marshes. I knew where to go, I had seen it on the map and known it in my heart.  
  
I camped by the water's edge, and sat by the water in the evening watching as the sun set far to the west over the Misty Mountains. I considered skipping stones, but decided it was best not to disturb the water. You never knew what was lurking underneath that might object to rocks falling on it.  
  
I slept uneasily and woke early. I saw no point in dragging it out and so packed up and rowed to the other side of the lake. Just as I dragged the boat up onto the shore I saw something large surface and dive again and was fervently glad I had decided against the rock skipping. I hid the boat and then started up into the hills.  
  
It took me two weeks to make my way through those hills, between the misleading roads and the sheer precipices, it was a wonder I got through at all. But I finally stood at the top of the last hill, and stared out across the flat stinking marshes towards the mountains of Mordor, and I knew I was on the right road. Many women in my ancestry had made this trip, and through them I knew it well.  
  
I was at the edge of the Marshes, about to begin the trek across, when I heard someone singing softly. I drew back into the shadows and saw a decrepit creature hobble out of the shadows to the edge of the marsh.  
  
It was singing a rather gruesome song, about the taste of orcs and the horrible things it seemed to get up to in the night, when it coughed, and seemed to choke on a word. "Gollum. Gollum." Then it lay at the edge of the marsh as if to sleep. I rested fitfully, for I was always waking to check to see if 'Gollum' had gone. It was his voice that woke me, cold and aching, in the bitter dawn beside the marsh.  
  
"He's taken it, hasn't he precious? And what are we to do? We are hungry, precious, very hungry, and orcses and goblins follow us." This comment worried me considerably. "But they won't finds us, will they precious? Because we go through the dead marshes, yes precious, that's what they are called, because of the dead people precious, towards Mordor where there are more orcses, and they wont expect that, will they precious. No, they wont. And then we can find a tasty orc to pull away and wrap our fingers round his neck, precious, and eat him up. Yes, precious. We shall. But what of the precious? We cannot do it without the precious! He's taken it! Taken the precious! Nasty, filthy thieving hobbitses!" the creature began coughing again, and making that horrible noise in its throat. "Gollum! Gollum!" then he set out across the marshes. I followed him, reluctant to leave my cover yet without any choice. But I could feel we were going the right way, Gollum knew where the safe parts of the marsh were  
  
There was suddenly a horrible scream, and Gollum flung himself under a tree. I had no choice but to follow suit, and he stared at me, horrified.  
  
"Hush." I whispered, "Or it'll hear us, and we'll both be dead."  
  
"Who is they, precious, that they follow us into the marshes? What does they want from us, precious, hmm?"  
  
"I want nothing from you. But I am going this way, and so were you. And here we are." Dusk was falling. "We should probably stay here tonight, its better than sleeping in the open, where they can see us, should they return."  
  
"Why are they out?" Gollum asked suspiciously. "Do you have the precious?"  
  
"I have nothing of yours." I said decisively. It narrowed its eyes at me, then turned away onto its side as if to sleep, though I knew it was not sleeping. I leaned against the trunk of the low tree, and lowered my eyelids, though I did not shut them, and I did not sleep.  
  
*&*  
  
Hours into the night, I suddenly shot out my hands and grasped Gollum's arms. He had come towards me, believing me asleep. It seemed it had planned to throttle me, even as it planned to throttle an unwary orc. It shrieked as I held on, and thrashed, but I refused to let go, until it finally stilled in my arms, sobbing.  
  
"Let us go! Your hands burn like nasty elves!" it spat.  
  
"Promise me you will not try to kill me or harm me again!" I snarled.  
  
"It won't lets us go. Its hands will kill us, precious."  
  
"Promise and I'll let you go!" I said softly. "Swear on the precious."  
  
"You have the precious!" it snarled.  
  
"No, but it means much to you. Perhaps if you help me, I might help you get back the precious that you care for so much."  
  
"It'll help us get back the precious, my love. It will, if we are nice. Maybe it knows where it is! Then we can't kill it, no, precious, we cant. Or we won't get the precious back!" It looked at me with bulbous yellow- green eyes and nodded.  
  
"We promise not to harm lady at all, if it will help us get the precious back."  
  
"I will, if I can." I said. I let it go, and it scampered off, rubbing the red spots on his arms where I had held him. The spots almost seemed like...suns. I quickly raised my hands and stared. Now, in the centre of both palms, the Sun of Mordor showed pink against my palms . I got no more sleep that night.  
  
*&*  
  
It occurred to me the next day that my thirty-sixth birthday had passed me by without me noticing. Gollum continued ahead of me, at a pace I was hard pressed to follow. My mind drifted back to the events of the previous night, and the way the suns on my hands burnt his flesh, and then the words he spoke in the night afterwards, when he fell into sleep. From what he had said then I learnt much of what happened to him. How he had once been Smeagol, who murdered his best friend for the precious and then was called murderer by his people. He fled their prosecution into the mountains, where he lived among the goblins, using the precious to disguise himself. Then the 'Baggins' stole the precious, and Gollum has been consumed by a thirst for it ever since, and a need to have it back.  
  
"Quickly, Lady! Quickly, Quickly! Nearly there."  
  
"My name's Jané." I said, as I leapt across a gap in the marsh grass.  
  
"Quickly, quickly." Was all he said in reply, and we continued on.  
  
It was a further three days before we reached the end of the Dead Marshes. The Ash Mountains were aptly named, and a bitter wind blew around them, chilling to the bone.  
  
"Where is it Lady plans to go?" Gollum asked.  
  
"I'm not sure, Smeagol." I answered, looking around.  
  
"What did it call us?" Gollum hissed. I turned, alarmed.  
  
"Smeagol was your name, was it not?" I asked.  
  
"We've not heard that name for ages, have we precious. No, we haven't. it might have been our name once, precious, we've forgotten, precious, we have."  
  
"Where are you going?" I asked. I was worried that Gollum would reveal me on the mountainside.  
  
"To find some orcses." Gollum said, and coughed. "Gollum, Gollum!" I wrinkled my nose in disgust, then spotted a good place to begin to climb. Gollum danced about below me, as I climbed. "Where does she climb to precious? Hmm, where does she climb to?"  
  
"Up, Smeagol," I said with a smile. I looked around, and panic shot a dart through my heart. A company of orcs were coming our way. "Smeagol!" I cried, and scrambled down.  
  
"What's she worried for, precious, hmm?"  
  
"There are orcs. Many orcs, coming this way." He looked positively pleased. "Too many for you to kill and yet survive." I added. His expression darkened. I stretched out a hand from my precarious hold. "Take it, and we might yet live!" I exclaimed. At the moment he leapt for my wrist, since my hand burned him, and I pulled him up and against me, under the cloak. The cloak disguised us, so we looked no different from the rocks, and it refused to sway in the persistent breeze.  
  
"I could of sworn I 'eard something!" one of them said. I closed my eyes.  
  
"there's nothing here, you fool. Dragged us out 'ere for nothing!" the other said.  
  
"Don't call me a fool!" a furious fight broke out beneath us, and I whispered to Gollum.  
  
"Hold on, Smeagol. We need to get higher, or they'll find us." He wrapped his legs around my waist and his arms round my neck, and clung to me, as I searched for footrests and hand holds on the mountainside.  
  
"'ere! I'm sure that rock's moved."  
  
"You're an idiot for sure then. How would a rock move, eh?"  
  
"Don't call me an idiot!" and the fight continued. I reached a largish ledge, and sat, panting slightly from the effort. Gollum detached himself from me and peered over the edge.  
  
"Now we've nothing to eat, 'ave we precious? No, we don't."  
  
"Well, you're welcome to climb down and try and get one without the others noticing." I said with a shrug.  
  
"We could have done it with the precious, couldn't we, my love? But it's gone, the precious is gone!" he wailed. I clamped a hand over his mouth.  
  
"Smeagol! Shush!" I hissed in his ear. "We'll get caught." Sure enough.  
  
"What was that?" one of them asked. Smeagol inched backwards, and I went with him.  
  
"I'll climb up and see." One said. I looked around frantically for an escape route. There was none, except a perilous climb straight up.  
  
"Smeagol, come here!" I said softly.  
  
"We're hungry, aren't we, precious?" was all he said, licking his lips.  
  
"Oh great Lady, save us now!" I said, despairing. Gollum obviously cared only enough to strangle the monster as it appeared over the ledge, and have it for dinner. I drew my long knife, and nudged the pack towards the back of the ledge, so it would not fall over the edge. I peered over. There was one on the wall below us, and four more waiting below it, looking upwards. I pulled my face away hurriedly.  
  
"Five of them, Smeagol." I said. He glanced at me over his bony shoulder.  
  
"We knows, don't we precious? We won't go hungry for a while, will we?" I sighed, and squared my shoulders. Short of leaving Smeagol here, which I was loathe to do, there wasn't an awful lot I could do.  
  
The head of an orc appeared, and Smeagol snapped his neck with an audible crack, then dragged it back onto the ledge. It took up a lot of space, was hideously ugly, and had a stench that would have offended a skunk.  
  
"Ugh. Now what, Smeagol? All the rest are going to come up now." I said.  
  
He coughed delightfully, I wondered if it was in fact his laugh. "Lady should go on. Wont get another chance like this, will she precious? No."  
  
"You just don't want to share, do you?" I asked with a chuckle.  
  
"Get your own!" Smeagol said, leaning possessively over the dead orc.  
  
"I didn't mean it, Smeagol. Keep it. I shall continue. Be safe, yes?"  
  
"We is always safe, isn't we, precious? Yes, we are. Gollum, gollum." I shrugged and pulled my pack back on, and began to climb again, before the orcs could come up to the ledge and catch me. I was half afraid Smeagol would betray me to them, but he didn't.  
  
*&*  
  
I made my way along the tops of the mountains, careful to stay on the side out of Mordor, that the great orange eye that I could see, even from here, did not see me. I was there for many months, making my way along an age old path that I remembered with my soul, not my mind.  
  
I saw my destination four months into my climb. There was a line of mountains that stuck up into Mordor, and it would be from there that I would call. There had been something designed specifically for that, if I remembered rightly. By the end of the fourth month I was thin, and weak with the poison that Mordor now gave off. But I was now approaching the peak of the nalla'orod, the cry mountain, and my task was nearly over. The suns on my palms stung with harsh fire.  
  
I reached the peak the following evening. I slumped by the spike of rock on the ledge that had been designed to hold the person using the nalla'orod, and slept.  
  
I was awake before dawn, and felt better. I had slept sounder that night than I had any night since I crossed the Marshes and climbed into Mordor. Just as the first rays of sun cracked through the dense cloud above me, I whispered into the hole on the rock in the language of Anorondor, old Mordor : 'The Queen is returned.' The words echoed from the nalla'orod, and were magnified by the surrounding mountains until the words became a cry in which the message was still recognisable. I sank to the floor quickly as the orange beam of Sauron's eye passed over the nalla'orod, swung on, and returned. I spent the morning crouched beside the crying stone, until Sauron's eye no longer returned, and the echoes of my message were faded. I noticed the long line of names along the rock side, the names of the queens who had returned to Mordor from exile to do just as I had done, and I added my name to the list. Then I began the long trek back.  
  
*&*  
  
It was another long four months before I reached the edge of the Dead Marshes again, and those months were filled with close calls. My body was weak from lack of rest, and lembas no longer filled me as it used to, and I was no longer as alert as I should be in Mordor, and so my life was nearly forfeit more than once. I began the long slow walk across the marshes, and was relieved to see the tree that marked the halfway point. I collapsed under it, more than ready to spend the entire day at rest, when a familiar voice startled me half out of my skin.  
  
"Lady does silly things, doesn't she, precious?" Smeagol appeared from behind the tree. "Goes far and long for little things! Silly Lady." He said shaking his head.  
  
"Smeagol! Are you well?" I asked.  
  
"We are still alive, if that is what Lady means, aren't we precious?" he crooned. "What has happened to Lady's hands? Has nasty suns burned them up?" he asked, pointing to my bandaged hands.  
  
"No, they haven't burnt me." I said with a tired smile. The suns hadn't burnt me since I made the call at nalla'orod, though they were now sore red brands against my skin.  
  
"Hm. Lady said she'd help us find the precious, if we helped her. And we did, we did precious. So now Lady must help us find the precious." I nodded.  
  
"That is what we agreed, and that is what we shall do." I said. "Where shall we begin to look?" I asked.  
  
"Shire." Smeagol said definitely. "Baggins from Shire."  
  
"Ah." I nodded. "I know where the Shire is. We shall go there, and see about getting back your 'precious'." Smeagol nodded, and gave a blackened, gap-filled smile.  
  
We went around Emyn Muil this time, to the north because Smeagol refused to go south. I could only imagine it went too near to Minas Tirith and Osgiliath, though I could not understand why he disliked them so.  
  
Instead, we headed for the northern mountain pass that came out near to Rivendell, and near enough on the Great East Road, which ran straight through the Shire. As we made our way across the Brown Lands, I often sang songs, and occasionally Smeagol joined in for a few words. But that was only for the very oldest songs, which made me wonder how old he really was.  
  
*&*  
  
We were nearing Mirkwood when the scouts caught us. One moment we were walking in near-silence, and next we were surrounded by elven archers, dressed in the greens of Mirkwood. Smeagol cowered, and I immediately leapt forward to his defence.  
  
"Don't hurt him!" I cried, drawing him to me, and shielding him with the cloak from Lothlorien.  
  
"Where are you two going, so close to Mirkwood?" one of the archers asked.  
  
"We are headed for the northern pass of the mountains, and the ford at the Old Forest Road, that we may come out on the other side of the Misty Mountains on the Great East Road, and from there continue west across Middle Earth. Our destination is our own." I said levelly.  
  
"And who are you, to travel so boldly here?" the elf asked haughtily. He was really getting on my nerves.  
  
"Our names are our own, to be given as we please." I retorted.  
  
"Since you will not co-operate, we will take you with us." The elves moved quickly, separating me and Smeagol. He screamed his terror and rage at them, while I struggled as they held my arms.  
  
"Stop it! You're hurting him! Stop!" I shouted. They did not stop.  
  
"Sir!" one of the elves holding me back said. The haughty elf turned.  
  
"What?"  
  
"She wears a cloak and badge of Lorien, and her knife and ring are elven made." The captain stared at me for a moment.  
  
"Release her." They did, and I ran to Smeagol, who lay curled and sobbing.  
  
"Let him be - what has he done to you?" I asked. I leaned over him, and the elves moved away. "Smeagol? Smeagol, it's me. Listen Smeagol, they won't hurt you any more." I glared at their leader. "I won't let them. Take my hand Smeagol." I held it out, and he slowly raised his head, and grabbed my bandaged hand. He clung close to me, half-shrouded in my cloak.  
  
"Where did you get the cloak and knife?" the captain asked, trying to bully me into answering.  
  
"The cloak, pin and ring are from Lothlorien, and were a gift from the Lady of the Wood. The knife is from Rivendell and was a gift from my brother."  
  
"And who might your brother be?" I did not answer him, merely stared defiantly, one arm around Smeagol.  
  
"Bring them." The captain said, and strode off. 


	5. Mirkwood

We brought deep into Mirkwood, down secret paths, and through the dark dense trees. Eventually we came to the palace of Mirkwood in the centre of the trees, and were brought before the king. And sat beside the king was the one elf I would have liked to avoid.  
  
I cant imagine what Legolas must have thought of me then - thin and bedraggled with bandages around my hands and shielding a whimpering...something with my cloak.  
  
"My lord, we found them on the borders of the forest. They refused to give us names, though she carries items from both Lothlorien and Rivendell, yet she is not elven-kind." The captain said. King Thranduil stood. We had never met, despite Rivendell and Mirkwood's close relations. It had always been Aragorn who rode from Rivendell, and word said Thranduil was loathe to leave his forest.  
  
"Since you would not tell my captain, perhaps you will tell me." He looked at us both. Smeagol cowered behind my cloak and I stared back defiantly, avoiding Legolas' clear blue gaze.  
  
"I shall ask you one last time. What are your names?" he thundered, and yet I said nothing. Perhaps my trip to Mordor had made me over confident and reckless.  
  
"Very well. You both shall be in separate dungeons until one of you sees fit to talk." Two guards grabbed us, and separated us. Smeagol sobbed, and I glared. Then I made the mistake of looking at Legolas as we were dragged away.  
  
"Her name is Eldira Jané, and she grew up in Rivendell under the fosterage of Lord Elrond." Legolas said in a quiet, even voice.  
  
"Stop!" Thranduil ordered. "Bring them back here." And back we went. "Is it now?" he asked me. I said nothing. Legolas rose and stepped down from the dais towards me. He stood in front of me.  
  
"What are you trying to do?" he asked me in a soft voice. "What do you hope to gain?" he asked. And as he said it, I suddenly realised how ridiculous I was being. I cared not whether Thranduil knew my name or my business - it was nothing I was ashamed of.  
  
"It's true." I said, addressing King Thranduil, and disregarding Legolas. "I am Eldira Jané, fostered in Rivendell with Aragorn son of Arathorn."  
  
"And what business had you in Mirkwood?" asked the king.  
  
"None. We were not in Mirkwood. I was not aware your kingdom included the Brown Lands, or we would have taken another route. We were headed for the north pass through the Misty Mountains."  
  
"And where on from there?" Thranduil asked.  
  
"We had not yet fixed a destination." I answered. "Do not be cruel to Smeagol, he has done you no harm." Thranduil looked at Smeagol and wrinkled his nose.  
  
"Take this...Smeagol to the dungeons. I would have a word with you and my son." I followed Thranduil and Legolas into a side room, and I could hear Smeagol yelling and crying on his way to the dungeons.  
  
"Why do you treat him like this?" I protested, holding out my hands imploringly. "What harm has he done you?"  
  
"None, as of yet. But I don't trust him, Lady Eldira, and the dungeons are not such a dank and horrible place as you would believe."  
  
"He looks like he's suffered much worse anyway, Jané." Legolas added.  
  
"And that's a good reason, is it Legolas?" I snapped.  
  
"You two seem...acquainted." Thranduil said. "You know each other well?"  
  
"We met often in Rivendell." I answered, "Since the prince was such a good friend of my brother Aragorn."  
  
"I was not aware Aragorn had a sister." Thranduil said.  
  
"She was fostered with them when she was found wandering in the valley alone when she was a young child." Legolas said.  
  
"Indeed. And why were you travelling with such a creature?" The king asked.  
  
"He helped me a few months back, and I was in the process of returning the favour when we ran into your men." Thranduil nodded.  
  
"Legolas, could you show Lady Eldira to some guest quarters, and call a servant to help her please? I have business to deal with."  
  
*&*  
  
Legolas did, and we walked in sullen silence the entire way. Once we reached the door that had been designated as mine, Legolas turned to me.  
  
"I'm sorry, but I would not like to see you in dungeons." He said. I smiled slightly.  
  
"I was being ridiculous anyway. How are you, anyway?"  
  
"Well." Legolas said with a laugh. He took my hands and frowned. "What happened to your hands?" "I'm not altogether sure what happened to them, but now they have sore red suns on the palms." He looked more carefully at the bandages. They were black, parts of fabric I'd scavenged of orc armour.  
  
"Orc fabric - you didn't! tell me you didn't."  
  
"I didn't." I said obediently, but Legolas narrowed his eyes at me. He opened the door to the chamber, a rather attractive room, and pushed me inside. He shut the door firmly.  
  
"What, by the Valar, were you doing in Mordor?" Legolas asked. "When you left Lorien, I had no idea where you had gone!"  
  
"I know." I looked at the floor. "I didn't want you to overreact."  
  
"Overreact!" Legolas cried. He took my shoulders in his hands. "Look at you! Despite all outward dangers, orcs and Valar knows what else, you are starving! You are thinner that I have ever seen you, and you are a mess."  
  
His comments annoyed me. Obviously I knew I looked a mess, but I can look after myself. And contrary to what he seemed to believe, I was not starving. I had eaten less and exercised more than usual, and the climate of Mordor as it is now is not good for anyone. Of course I was thinner and looked a mess. Unlike the elves, I can not ride into battle, or spend eight months rock climbing, and still look immaculate.  
  
"Thank you for your concern!" I said sarcastically. "I hadn't noticed I was a mess, thank you for informing me." Legolas let me go.  
  
"I didn't mean that...Elbereth, Jané, you do not know what went through my head when I saw you brought in with that...that thing."  
  
"His name is Smeagol and he is no more a thing than you are!" I snapped  
  
"Smeagol then. People worry about you, Jané, and you don't seem to realise that."  
  
"I realise." I said softly. I touched Legolas' shoulder. He confused me so much. I knew that I loved him, but as I grow older it gets so much more complicated. As a child and as an adolescent my love was a simple thing, but as I get older, it gets so much more complex. And sometimes I hate him for making me feel the way I do, and the way that when he smiles I forget that I'm trying to hate him. "But I cannot sit at home and do nothing, you know this."  
  
"I know. Believe me, I know. I've seen what it does to your temperament. But you could at least be more careful, for yourself and for the sakes of others that care for you." I nodded.  
  
"I know, and I'm sorry." He smiled at me, and I smiled back, and there was a knock on the door. "Come in." I called. The door opened, and a servant stuck her head around it.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt."  
  
"You're not." I said with a smile, stepping away from Legolas.  
  
"I'll leave you to get ready." Legolas said, turning to go. I caught his arm.  
  
"For what?" I asked.  
  
"Dinner of course." Legolas said with a sly smile. I closed my eyes and prayed for patience.  
  
*&*  
  
When I opened them again, he had gone. I turned to the maid, who was disappearing into the room, and drawing water for a bath.  
  
"Why does he do this to me?" I asked her. She smiled at me.  
  
"Because he likes you miss." The servant said.  
  
"Hmm. If he really liked me, he wouldn't subject me to this. What's your name?"  
  
"Eilan." She said, with a small curtsey.  
  
"Glad to meet you. And glad to see a bath. It has been far too long."  
  
"It's ready, Lady Jané." The servant began to undo my dress at the back. The ties were welded with sweat and mud, since I had not taken the dress off for months, disgusting as the thought was. Eventually Eilan had to cut the ties, and practically peel the dress from me.  
  
I stepped into the water, and relished the feeling of the water washing away the grime of Mordor.  
  
"You're so thin!" Eilan gasped. I looked down. My hips and ribs stuck out, and my stomach went in by an unhealthy amount.  
  
"I've not had enough food for a long time, Eilan. But don't tell Legolas I said so. He worries incessantly."  
  
"He cares for you, Lady Jané."  
  
"It's just Jané. The Lady is a title that people just tend to give me. Just ask Legolas. I'm no lady."  
  
"If you say so." Eilan said with a smile. "I shall go find you a dress. Your old one would be better burnt." I nodded.  
  
"Probably."  
  
*&*  
  
The bath was just the right temperature, and the surface was liberally sprinkled with red and white fresh rose petals, which gave off a heavenly scent. I ducked my head under, and began scrubbing my raggedy hair clean. It had practically formed dreadlocks, it had gone without combing for so long. I washed my hair with the soap Eilan had left out., and was just considering getting out when there was a knock, and a male elf walked in.  
  
"Hey!" I exclaimed, sinking deeper under the rose petals, and letting my loose black hair float around my body so that I was not completely on show.  
  
"Oh Elbereth, I do beg your pardon!" the elf exclaimed, wheeling around and covering his eyes.  
  
"What are you doing in here?" I demanded.  
  
"Looking for Eilan. I heard she was in here getting the room ready for a guest. I am sorry."  
  
"Who are you?" I asked. He turned, eyes tightly closed, and bowed. Then he turned back around.  
  
"I am Deiran." He answered. "The resident bard, story teller and other entertaining amuser. May I be so bold to ask your name, fair lady?"  
  
"I am Eldira Jané." I said with a small laugh. He stiffened. "What is it?"  
  
"I have heard that name before, a long time ago. Named for your mother, were you?" I nodded before I remembered there was no way he could see me.  
  
"Yes. But how did you-"  
  
"I knew your mother, beautiful woman that she was." That minute, the door opened, and Eilan walked in.  
  
"Deiran! Get out!" she screeched.  
  
"My lady." Deiran said over his shoulder. Then he walked out.  
  
"Oh, Lady Jané!" Eilan said. "I am so sorry. He did not-"  
  
"Of course not!" I said, laughing. "He was quite gentlemanly about the entire thing."  
  
"Was he, indeed." Eilan murmured. "Out you come." She held out a towel, and I stepped into it. I could see the large amount of grime and dirt in the bath and felt slightly ill. "Follow me." I followed, and she opened the door to another room with yet another bath. "If you just get in that, to rinse all the rest of the grime off, and I can get your dress ready." I saw the bundle of forest green silk in her arms, and nodded. I stepped into the second bath, and languished in the warm water.  
  
Eventually, Eilan returned, and then helped me into the green silk. It had a square neck, and a smooth fitted bodice. The skirt felt in even folds to the floor, and felt lighter than ordinary silk.  
  
"Spider silk, this is." Eilan said as she tied it up the back. "Legolas wanted you to have it. Though the one he asked me to give you would have been too large, you being as skinny as you are." She said matter-of- factly. She sat me in front of the mirror that sat on the table, and began combing my hair. It was a long job, and as she combed I stared at my reflection. Even my face was thinner, the high cheekbones more prominent that usual. My skin was as pale as it had always been, though my green eyes were sunken in their sockets, the dark lashes rimming them with black. My lips were cracked and sore.  
  
"Done. I'll just leave it down though." Eilan ran the brush through my hair and my hair shone black-blue in the fading light from the large windows. She pulled me to my feet and pushed me in front of the full length mirror, and I could see how truly skinny I was. I had always been thin, and small, something Aragorn had always taken advantage of when we were children, but now I was truly skinny. And small. Eilan was at least two inches taller than me, and she was not huge. I barely came up to Legolas' shoulder.  
  
*&*  
  
There was a knock on the door and Eilan answered it. Legolas stood there, dressed in a richly embroidered pale green tunic. He smiled at Eilan, then saw me, and his smile slipped from his face.  
  
"What's wrong?" I asked, worried.  
  
"You're thinner than I thought." Legolas said, taking great strides into the room. He put his hands on my waist, and found his fingers and thumbs could meet on either side of my waist. He let go of my waist and touched my hair, and leaned his forehead against mine.  
  
"Why do you do this to yourself?" he asked harshly. I put my hands on either side of his face and ran my thumb along his cheekbone. He inhaled sharply.  
  
"I do not do it on purpose, Legolas." I said quietly. "But there was something I needed to do in Mordor, and it has been done and is over."  
  
"Promise me you wont go back." Legolas said urgently. I frowned.  
  
"You know I cannot." I said.  
  
"Do not return while Sauron still rules there." Legolas amended. I nodded slowly  
  
"I will not."  
  
"Promise me!" he hissed. Then I nodded.  
  
"I promise." He let go of me with a smile.  
  
"Come, its time for dinner."  
  
*&*  
  
I had been in Mirkwood for a few days when thoughts of Smeagol returned to my mind. I found my way into the dungeons, but I was blocked at the doorway by two guards.  
  
"You can't go down there, milady." One said. I nodded.  
  
"I have a friend, Smeagol. He's down there, and I was wondering how he was."  
  
"We don't know of any Smeagol," the other guard said.  
  
"He makes a noise in his throat that sounds that he's saying Gollum." I said, trying to help their memory.  
  
"Ah, I know who you mean, the poor wretch who keeps saying he's hungry."  
  
"I don't know how he can be hungry." The other guard said. "he has the same food as everyone else, but he wont touch it." I looked from one to the other.  
  
"what does he get to eat?" I asked.  
  
"Bread, vegetables, fried fish." One said with a shrug.  
  
"I know why he's hungry then." I said. "He doesn't eat cooked food."  
  
"Why not? Its perfectly good food." One said.  
  
"He's not had it for so long he's forgotten what it's like." I said. "Look. I'll arrange for some raw fish to be brought down, and we'll see if he'll take it." I smiled brightly at them, then headed back to the kitchen to arrange it.  
  
Three hours later, I had a bucket in hand with a couple of fish in it, and I was back at the doors to the dungeons. The guards, when they saw I had done as I said I would, let me pass, and led me down into the deeper dungeons, and as we got closer, I could hear Smeagol's anguished cries. They pointed at a door and I nodded, shivering even in my green velvet dress. Green seemed to be the only colour Mirkwood elves wore.  
  
I knocked on the door. "Smeagol?" I called.  
  
"We're hungry, precious! Famished, we are."  
  
"Smeagol I've got some food for you." I said, through the small window in the door.  
  
"Ugh! Nasty Elf food. Tries to poison us, lady does, doesn't she, precious, eh? Yes, my precious, she does."  
  
"No, Smeagol." I said soothingly. "I have fish, and I haven't let the elves ruin it for you. I know one of them is still alive." I glanced down at the bucket, where one fish still swam in tight circles, and the other was on the bottom. "I think the other might be dead. But they're fresh, Smeagol." There was a small sound, and suddenly Smeagol's face was right up against the bars.  
  
"Really, precious? Did lady really bring us food?" he asked. I laughed.  
  
"I did, Smeagol. But you'll have to move back, or the guards wont let me in."  
  
"Nasty elfses!" Smeagol spat, but he moved away. The guards opened the door, and backed Smeagol into a corner with their spear points. I walked past them and put the bucket before Smeagol.  
  
"You see, I told you I brought you good fish." I said. Smeagol laughed happily and bounced up and down.  
  
"Food!" he crowed. "Lady brought us food, my precious. She did, she did." I backed away, and the guards went with me. I could hear Smeagol tearing at the food behind me, and I shuddered, and hurried up back to the light of Mirkwood.  
  
*&*  
  
I spent the next eight years in Mirkwood, though it seemed hardly any time at all. The forest was timeless, and it was difficult to keep track of time. The elves hardly bothered, as time was of no consequence of them, having eternity to live their lives.  
  
Legolas and I grew to be fast friends, and I loved him still, even as I had for the last thirty-five years. I spent a lot of the time riding with Legolas, or constantly asking for favours for Smeagol: that he was allowed to come up once in a while to see the sunlight, that kind of thing. I think Thranduil found my constant campaigning for Smeagol's welfare amusing, though sometimes I felt that even though I lived in beautiful rooms, I was as much a prisoner as Smeagol was.  
  
*&*  
  
Legolas and I were walking along the edge of the forest one time when we heard shouts. Legolas and I both ran in that direction, but when we got there, it was too late. Smeagol was swinging away through the trees like a monkey, singing, "Cant catch me, up in your tree, up in your tree, now I'm freeeeeee!"  
  
"Smeagol!" I shouted. I started forward, but Legolas grabbed me from behind, holding on tight. "Smeagol, come back!" but he didn't listen, only kept singing his silly song.  
  
"Jané! Stop struggling!" Legolas hissed. I ignored him, and he merely tightened his grip. It was so easy to forget how superior elves are to humans, because they look so similar. I was sure Legolas wasn't even exerting half his strength, and was yet keeping me completely immobilised. He tightened his grip further, until I could barely breathe, and I stopped struggling. He relaxed a little. Smeagol was completely out of sight and earshot. Legolas began to guide me back to the palace. He looked courteous while he was doing it, but he was using iron force. I could not have argued even had I wanted to.  
  
"Why did he leave?" I asked out loud to no one in particular. "He was being treated well."  
  
"Some people are better in the wild." Legolas said softly. I looked up at him and smiled. "Don't blame yourself for it, you couldn't have done anything, even had you been there."  
  
"I know, but...argh! Its so frustrating!" I stamped my foot.  
  
"Come on, Jané, it isn't that bad." I tilted my head in acquiescence.  
  
"I know, but-"  
  
"Just stop thinking about it. Come on." And Legolas led me back into the castle.  
  
Two weeks later, I was packing. My presence after Smeagol's escape had birthed a rather lot of hard feelings. I understood perfectly that it was time to leave. Legolas couldn't seem to grasp this.  
  
"You don't have to go!" he protested, getting in my way yet again as I carefully folded a sky blue under-dress and shoved it into the saddlebags.  
  
"Come on, Legolas. You know I do. Stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about your kingdom. Since Smeagol left there's been a veritable wave of bad feelings towards me and your father for letting me stay. So I have to leave."  
  
"But Jané..." he pleaded.  
  
'But Jané nothing." I said sternly. I walked up to him, and held his face in my hands. He was much taller than I was. "I'm sorry our time here has come to an end, Legolas, but it is time for me to leave. It's not like we shall never see each other again." I said with a slight smile. He kissed me gently.  
  
"I know. But I've gotten used to having you here. I love having you here, and I hate the idea of you wandering around, going places like Mordor, without taking proper care of yourself." He said.  
  
"You cant stop me, Legolas. You'd be putting me in a prison if you tried, and I couldn't live like that. You know I couldn't."  
  
"Where are you going to go?" Legolas asked me.  
  
"I thought maybe Gondor. I've not been there, and I hear the scenery's lovely." I said, as I shoved a blue dress into the bag and tightly fastened it. I picked up the brush from the vanity table and began brushing it, getting ready to plait it tightly for the journey south. Legolas took the silver brush from me, and pushed me towards the stool, where I sat. he brushed my hair, and I got the distinct feeling it was more than brushing as I watched him.  
  
"Gondor?" Legolas asked absentmindedly as he ran his fingers through my hair.  
  
"I thought so, yes." I smiled up at him, and he smiled back, though his eyes were fixed on my hair. I played with the sun pendant on the gold chain at my throat nervously.  
  
"You will come back to me, wont you?" he asked suddenly, putting the brush down and turning me to face him. He knelt before me, taking my hands. I squeezed his hands.  
  
"I'll never have left you, Legolas." I said with a smile. Then I sobered. "Truly, Legolas. I'll be alright."  
  
"Promise me!" he whispered fiercely, his grip painful on my hands. "Promise you'll come back to me!"  
  
"I promise, Legolas." I leaned forward so our foreheads touched. "I couldn't leave you even if I wanted." Legolas tilted his head so our lips met. His hands framed my face as he held me to him. "Love you." I whispered, and I regretted it the moment it was out, because I knew he had heard it, and the secret I had kept so well for thirty-five years was out.  
  
He stood and pulled me up with him. I refused to meet his gaze. "I'm sorry." I whispered. "I didn't mean..."  
  
His lips against mine silenced me as he kissed me hard, possessively. His long fingers twined in my hair, and I gripped his shoulders with all the strength of a drowning woman. When he pulled away for air his eyes were a bright blue. He pulled me into his arms and held on tight, holding me against him as I buried my face in his shoulder.  
  
"You do not know how long..." he murmured into my hair. I laughed softly.  
  
"Thirty-five years, Legolas. It's been thirty-five years since you ruined my life." He pulled away sharply, and he stared searchingly at me.  
  
"Ruined your life?" he asked harshly. I shook my head.  
  
"Not like that." I said. "Legolas, stop. Just stop." I could see him winding himself up, as he had a tendency to do. "I love you." I said softly, and he lifted my chin with a finger so he could see my eyes.  
  
"Love you too." He whispered, and then he ducked his head, kissing me again. Then he pulled back, and picked up the hairbrush, pushing me back onto the stool. I watched as he quickly and elaborately plaited my hair, so the front parts were braided back away from my face, and joined in a thicker plait that hung down my back, along with the rest of my loose hair.  
  
"I can't travel like this!" I said with a laugh. "It's get ruined, and then where'll I be?"  
  
"Back here to get it fixed." Legolas murmured with a sly smile on his face. I hit him on the shoulder.  
  
"Legolas, truly." I said.  
  
"Very well." He said, and undid my hair, and redid it so it was plaited in a crown around my head. I looked in the mirror.  
  
"That is wonderful." I said with a smile. "Thank you."  
  
"Of course. Come on, if you want to leave today, you should get going, or you'll barely be on the outskirts of Mirkwood by nightfall." He said, picking up the saddlebags and walking out the room.  
  
I followed him, pulling on my blue suede riding gloves. and hurried so I walked by his side as we went through the great hall.  
  
"Legolas!" We turned at the familiar call. Aragorn strode over, and then noticed me. "Jané! What are you doing here?"  
  
"Leaving." I said with a slight smile. "Why are you here?"  
  
"I'm meant to track the creature Gollum." He said. "Mithrandir says he should be recovered."  
  
"You make it sound as though he's a lost pet instead of a free being." I snapped.  
  
"You know this Gollum?" Aragorn asked.  
  
"She arrived with him." Legolas said.  
  
"But now I have to leave." I said hastily, as I could see Aragorn getting ready to bombard us with questions. Legolas nodded, and smiled at his friend, then headed for the stables. I kissed Aragorn on the cheek then headed after Legolas, Aragorn on my heels.  
  
"Why are you leaving so suddenly?" Aragorn asked.  
  
"I'm going to Gondor." I said.  
  
"why?"  
  
"I want to go, since I've never been. And I think it would be better for me to leave Mirkwood." I said.  
  
"But why?" Aragorn pressed.  
  
"Ask Legolas to explain the politics of it."  
  
"I shall." Aragorn said.  
  
"But not now!" I added hastily. I helped Legolas ready my horse, who had somehow found her way from Lothlorien to here is safety. I petted her nose and turned to Legolas, who hugged me, then kissed me.  
  
"Be safe." He whispered. I touched his cheek and smiled.  
  
"Always." I replied. He gave me a leg up, and I swung into the saddle, settling my skirts around me. "Take care." I said. "Farewell." I rode out of the stables at a canter, and the last thing I heard was Aragorn.  
  
"So what was that all about?" 


	6. Gondor

I followed the river Anduin down to Osgiliath, and from there took the main road to Minas Tirith. Storm clouds were building in the south, and with them grew my anxiety. I kicked my horse into a gallop, and sped my way through the streets of Minas Tirith, up to the very top, and to the citadel. I slid off my horse and hurried into the main hall. It was empty apart from a small boy sitting on the steps that led to the throne of Gondor.  
  
He looked up as I hurried in. he hurriedly stood.  
  
"Are you here to help mother?" he asked softly. I suddenly realised this was why I had been so anxious to get here.  
  
"What's wrong with her?" I asked.  
  
"They said she was going to have a baby, but then the priests said she was going to die."  
  
"Take me to her. I might be able to save her life." I said quickly. He grabbed my hand, and ran down the corridors, and I followed him at a run. We came to a door and he nodded.  
  
"She's in there, but I'm not allowed to go in." I nodded and stood straight, and tucked my hair behind my ears.  
  
"Right. Go find the midwives. Ask the women that have been helping your mother while she's been ill. Run! We might be able to save her yet." The little boy ran off, and I drew a deep breath, and opened the door.  
  
*&*  
  
The room was full of smoke and priests. It was dark, hot and smelly. One of them turned to me.  
  
"How dare you interrupt the sacred ritual?" he hissed.  
  
"This is a birthing room, not a funeral!" I shouted. "Get out! All of you, out!" the priests turned.  
  
"We have Lord Denethor's blessing to be here." One said.  
  
"And so do I." I claimed. "He told me to help his wife and help her I will. Now get out!" I shouted. I upended their incense and stamped out the embers, then physically pushed the priests out the door the little boy was holding open. Just outside were three surprised looking women. The priests were looking reluctant to leave. "If you do not leave now, Lord Denethor will have you all executed, charged with the murder of his wife and unborn child! Now GET OUT!" I had been bluffing, of course, but by the way the priests moved after I said that, it seemed there might have been a chance of that after all.  
  
I ushered the women in quickly, and they began fussing over the pregnant woman. I turned to the little boy.  
  
"What's your name?" I asked.  
  
"I am Prince Boromir." He said, with a little bow. I curtsied.  
  
"Well, my prince, I think that you should go and amuse yourself for a while. I'm going to be caring for your mother for the next few hours, and you don't want to get in the way, do you?" I asked gently. He shook his head vehemently. "Good. Off you go then, lad, and I'll see if I can save your mother." He scurried off, and I shut the door and locked it. The women looked at me dumbly.  
  
"Get the fire going!" I exclaimed. "I want hot water, lots of it!" the women scurried to do as they were told. "I opened the big windows on the far side of the room, and a cool, pre-storm breeze blew through the room, making the gauzy white curtains billow. I quickly tied them in knots so they wouldn't get in the way. "Get me a big silver basin," I ordered, "big enough to wash a baby in." another woman hurried off. I filled a small bowl with hot water and sprinkled Athelas in it. It filled the room with a clean smell. Then I came to the woman.  
  
"My lady." I curtsied, even as I felt her head for a temperature. The silver basin arrived, and I set it outside where rain was now falling heavily. The basin immediately began to fill with the clean fresh water.  
  
"Thank you." She gasped out. I touched her stomach. The contractions were coming fast and hard, and by the feel of it, the baby was the wrong way up. I gently kneaded her swollen belly, until he was the right way around. Then I hauled the woman up.  
  
"You!" I called to one of the serving women. "Help me walk her." We walked the lady up and down the room beside the open windows, and I learnt that she was the Lady Finduilas, the wife of Lord Denethor, Steward of Gondor. This was her second child, the first being Prince Boromir, who I had met earlier, who was now five. Eventually she could walk no more, and we laid her on the bed, where she lay and gripped my hand as the contractions flowed through her.  
  
*&*  
  
The pregnancy was a long one, not that I have lots of experience. But the baby was born early the following morning, after much tears, sweat and effort. It was a perfect baby boy. I tied off the umbilical cord, and cut it. I had the women bring in the basin of rainwater, and I knelt beside it and washed the crying baby in the cold water, murmuring the traditional blessings and charms that had been said in Mordor for centuries before the men took the throne. Then I wrapped the baby in a blanket and brought it to the Lady Finduilas.  
  
"Take it to my husband. Present him with his son, Prince Faramir." She gasped out. I nodded, and took off the soiled tunic that went over my dress so I was left in the plain blue dress I had been wearing all night. I picked up the little prince, and carried him to the main hall, where Denethor was speaking with guests. He was also, I noticed, speaking with the priests, and looking worried.  
  
I knocked loudly on the side door as I entered, and all attention turned to me. I walked slowly up the hall as the crowds split before me.  
  
"My Lord!" I said in a loud voice. "The Lady Finduilas wishes me to present to you your son, Faramir." I reached the Steward, and dipped a curtsey, even as I held onto the baby, who did not cry as he had in the birthing room, but looked around curiously.  
  
The Steward took the baby from me, and raised him into the air. "This is my son, the Prince Faramir, and I accept him as mine own, and of the line of the Stewards of Gondor!" the room burst into applause, and I was suddenly proud of the world I lived in, and the people with which I inhabited it.  
  
He handed baby Faramir back to me and nodded, a clear dismissal. As I walked back down the halls, cradling the now crying Faramir in my arms, I revelled in the bright morning sunlight which streamed through the windows. I walked back into the birthing room and was immediately stunned by the darkness of the room.  
  
Lady Finduilas lay on the soiled bed, looking anxious. I handed Faramir back to her, and she accepted him gladly.  
  
"Did he.?"  
  
"Accepted him before witnesses." I said with a smile. She gave a great sigh of relief.  
  
"Oh good." She began to croon over her baby, and when he began to cry, she held him to her breast and he began to feed.  
  
I turned to one of the women. "Has the after birth passed yet?" I asked. She nodded. "Good. Now, I want you to find me a large airy room, with big windows. I want it to be clean and bright for the Lady Finduilas."  
  
"There's the gold room in the east wing." She offered.  
  
"Is it close?" I asked, she nodded. "Show me."  
  
She led me to the 'gold room' which was perfect. It was a big wood panelled room which caught the light of the rising sun and made the room seem golden. There was a big white four-poster bed in the corner, and a clean fireplace in the wall. White gauze curtains hung over the floor-to- ceiling windows, and from the canopy of the four poster.  
  
"It's good. I want to get the Lady Finduilas bathed, clean, and then in here, which is a much better room than the one she's in."  
  
*&*  
  
Back in the birthing room, I spoke to the Lady Finduilas.  
  
"My lady, I would like to move you to a much better and cleaner room, where you and Prince Faramir can rest." I said. She smiled at me.  
  
"Who are you?" she asked.  
  
"I am the Lady Jané, from Rivendell. I arrived last night and heard of your trouble and came to help. I hope I did not take any liberties." To be honest, I didn't care one way or the other, but it never hurt to be polite.  
  
"Of course not! I am the Lady Finduilas, though you may just call me Finduilas. I owe you my life."  
  
"If I am to call you Finduilas, then please call me Jané. If the young prince is finished, we can get you bathed and changed, and then I would like to move you to the.gold room, is it? There you and Faramir can rest in much more pleasant surroundings." Finduilas handed the baby to me, and I passed him to one of the women. She sat up, rather unsteadily, and I had one of the women support her while I gently washed her clean of the blood of childbirth, and then helped her into the clean night dress one of the women handed me. I brushed her hair, and pulled it back into a simple plait down her back. She was a beautiful woman once the grime of childbirth had been washed away.  
  
*&*  
  
We moved to the gold room, and I sat by her bed and we talked while Faramir slept.  
  
"The priests were going to kill me, I know it." Finduilas exclaimed.  
  
"I know, my lady. And I expect your lord wont be too pleased with me - I forcibly made them leave."  
  
"I am his wife. And you are now formally under my protection, which he cannot go against without my permission."  
  
"Thank you." I said.  
  
"There is only one thing I am worried about." She said.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"My other son, Boromir. Now that I am busy with Faramir, Boromir's upkeep will be left to the priests, who I do not trust. Could I ask you perhaps to watch over him, care for him while I am with Faramir. I would not ask, except I feel I can trust you, and Boromir needs someone who will hug him instead of command him." I smiled.  
  
"I would be honoured to care for the prince Boromir." I said with a smile.  
  
"Wonderful." She said with a smile, and then she slipped into a deep sleep.  
  
I loosed the curtains so the morning light was not so harsh on the sleeping Lady, and the stoked the fire so that it would be safe, yet warm in the room. I checked on the sleeping Faramir, who lay in a beautiful beech cradle carved with the White Tree of Gondor on the head and foot boards. Then I slipped out of the room, and found myself face to face with the Steward of Gondor, the young Prince Boromir at his side. I sank into a deep curtsey, my head bowed, which brought me to Boromir's eye level. I winked, and then slowly rose.  
  
"My lord." I said.  
  
"Who are you, and how came you here?" the Steward demanded.  
  
"My lord, please. Your wife is sleeping, and I would not wake her." I cautioned.  
  
"Indeed. Follow me." He swept away, the prince trotting at his side like a pet dog. I followed, and found myself in the main hall.  
  
"Now, Who are you, and how came you here?" he asked again.  
  
"I am the Lady Eldira Jané, and I come from just about everywhere, though I grew up in Imladris with Lord Elrond as my guardian. I originally intended simply to visit Gondor, because I have never been here before, but when I heard of the Lady's troubles, I thought I could help."  
  
"The priests say you cast a curse upon her." Denethor intoned, and I could suddenly see the dark robed priest in the background.  
  
"I cast no curse, for I know none. It is the priests who would kill her with their incense."  
  
"It is holy." The priest said, taking a step forward.  
  
"Not in a birthroom. The Lady thanked me herself for saving her life and put me under her protection." The priest halted, and Denethor frowned.  
  
"This is true?" he demanded.  
  
"As true as your new-born son." I said.  
  
"You said it would be still-born!" Denethor accused the priest.  
  
"The birth was difficult, as the baby was the wrong way around. I turned the baby around, and then the birth continued as expected." I said quickly.  
  
"May I see mother?" Boromir asked.  
  
"Not now, little one. She has been working hard all night, and she is very tired." I said softly. He nodded.  
  
"You will, of course, need quarters. Shend! Show the Lady Eldira to some quarters." A dark-robed servant came out of the shadows and guided me to a set of rooms, and my saddlebags soon arrived. A servant appeared with a bath and then disappeared, so I quickly washed myself and put on a clean dress and redid my hair so I did not look such a mess as before. There was a very small, quiet knock on the door, and I opened it to find Boromir standing there, looking quite nervous.  
  
"Can we go see her now? Only I don't want to talk, just see if she's alright." He babbled. I smiled and took his tiny hand.  
  
"We may. But you'll have to show me where the gold room is." He nodded, and we set off. We appeared at the familiar door quickly, and Boromir pushed it open. Finduilas sat there alone, holding the baby in her arms.  
  
"Boromir!" she said delightedly. "Come see your little brother!" Boromir scampered over and leaned over the baby laughing at its funny looks. I approached them, loathe to disturb them.  
  
"How are you feeling, my lady?" I asked.  
  
"Very well, thank you. Boromir, this is Jané, who is going to look after you while I'm busy with Faramir." Boromir looked worried.  
  
"I will still get to see you, right?" he asked, clutching his mother's arm.  
  
"Of course. Jané will bring you to see me every day, and we shall talk."  
  
"Do I still have to have lessons with the priests?" Boromir asked. Finduilas looked worried.  
  
"Well, I could teach him to read and write, to dance and some stories. I don't know what else it is that he would learn." I offered. Finduilas gave a bright smile.  
  
"Wonderful. All else he learns are war tactics and sword fighting, which Ian in the smithy teaches him. Boromir, you shall look to Jané if you have any troubles, and she will sort them out for you." Finduilas turned to me. "I'm giving you full power and responsibility over Boromir from now until you see fit to leave." She said.  
  
"What about Lord Denethor?" I asked.  
  
"The boys are under my jurisdiction until they are twelve." Finduilas said. "And I am passing jurisdiction over Boromir to you, at least until I am well enough to take on board responsibility for two boys!" she smiled fondly at both Boromir and Faramir. "Would you like to hold Faramir?" she asked Boromir, and he nodded slowly. He sat on the edge of the bed and cradled Faramir as though he was afraid Faramir would smash into a billion tiny pieces. The picture of the two boys made me smile.  
  
The door opened, and Lord Denethor walked in, followed by the priest. Finduilas stiffened. "My lord." She said regally. Boromir looked stricken and I quickly took the baby from him and laid him in his cradle. Boromir stood behind me, and I could feel his small hands grasping the folds of my skirts.  
  
"My lady, I see you are well again." The priest gave a horribly false smile, almost leering over her.  
  
"Leave my presence and that of my sons and do not return." Finduilas ordered tightly.  
  
"I am afraid it is only your presence I can leave, my lady." The priest sneered. "I teach Boromir his lessons, and shall have full custody of Boromir while you care for Faramir." Denethor stood silent by the door.  
  
"No longer!" Finduilas snapped. "The Lady Jané now has full jurisdiction over Boromir, and will be teaching him all his lessons apart from sword and battle craft."  
  
"Are you sure about this?" Denethor asked.  
  
"She saved my life, and I have no doubt she shall show my son the same care. I want her to hold the same amount of authority as I do in this matter." Finduilas said with finality to her husband. She turned to the priest. "I thought I told you to leave." She said. The priest glared at me and left. Boromir's grip on my skirt relaxed somewhat.  
  
"Very well. Lady Jané, you have full responsibility for my son and will pay the consequences if he is hurt." Denethor decreed. I curtsied.  
  
"Of course, my lord."  
  
"Very well. Have servants move your belongings to the upper eastern wing so you will be closer to Boromir if he needs you." Denethor nodded, and I left, Boromir trailing behind me, and waving slightly to his mother.  
  
*&*  
  
During the next week Boromir did no lessons, as we spent the time getting to know each other and redefining each other's meaning of fun. Boromir's original idea of fun was throwing mud balls at me, as is typical for five year olds. Mine, unsurprisingly, did not involve mud balls of any type, though neither did my idea of fun include long tedious sessions on manners, though I found that if I was incredibly polite, Boromir was too. I was hoping that if we kept up the politeness for long enough it would become habit.  
  
We were visiting the stables one afternoon, something Boromir was rarely permitted to do, and I was showing him my horse, Enya, and how to feed her apples without losing a finger, when we were approached by a groom.  
  
"What ye doin' down 'ere?" he asked. His step wavered and I could smell the alcohol on him from where I stood, metres away.  
  
"Visiting my horse." I said calmly, pushing Boromir behind me. He was pretty much hidden behind my full skirt.  
  
"Eh? I downt think so." He stumbled forward, and Enya walked quite calmly out of the stable, her halter rope snapped like a thread. She stood between the groom and myself, stamping her foot and snorting. He backed off, and Boromir and I left the stables, heading back towards the citadel. We came to the tops of the stairs, and found a white horse grazing on the green grassy area. I grasped Boromir's shoulder, as he would have run out and caught the horse, to prevent it from eating the grass.  
  
"Boromir, no." I hissed. The horse looked up at regarded us through great liquid brown eyes. "Bow Boromir." I said softly. "For you stand in the presence of a prince of horses." He did, and I curtsied. And then , to our great surprise, the great white horse bent one knee and bowed back. Boromir laughed in delight.  
  
"He is wonderful!" he crowed, clapping his hands. I smiled.  
  
"Come along, Boromir, you need to get ready for dinner." I said. Boromir bowed again to the horse.  
  
"Good evening, prince." He said. I curtsied again with a smile and then followed Boromir into the great hall. Denethor was there, talking to an old man dressed in grey.  
  
"Father! Father! I bowed to this horse and he bowed back! Jané says he's a prince of horses, and told me to bow, so I did, and the horse bowed back!" Boromir cried, running ahead of me to stand breathless with excitement before his father.  
  
"What nonsense is this, bowing to horses?" Denethor snapped. "You would have my son a flighty dreamer!" he snarled at me. Boromir backed up, into my legs, where I rested my hands on his shoulders.  
  
"I am sure the horse outside was a prince of the Mearas." I said calmly. "And so a lord among horses. And would you not have your son bow to a lord of men, my lord? Why should a lord of horses be any less?" the old man turned to look at us.  
  
"Gandalf!" Boromir cried. He grinned. "I am glad to see you."  
  
"And you, little prince."  
  
"My son shall not bow to horses!" Denethor cried.  
  
"Be still, Steward of Gondor. Your son bowed to the chief of the Mearas, and has received the honour of Shadowfax bowing to him. The lady did right to encourage it." I curtsied. "And who might you be, my lady?" Gandalf asked.  
  
"Lady Eldira Jané, my lord." I said politely. "From Rivendell."  
  
"Ah, yes. You'll be Aragorn's sister then. Indeed, I should have realised sooner." He bowed to me.  
  
"You know Aragorn?" I asked. Gandalf laughed.  
  
"I know many people, Lady Jané." He said. "Not least among which is your brother." I smiled.  
  
"If you will excuse us, my lords, the prince needs to get ready for dinner." Denethor waved us off, and I smiled again at Gandalf and guided Boromir out of the hall, while he babbled about how spectacular Gandalf's fireworks were.  
  
*&*  
  
Gandalf came and went, as did the years, and soon I found myself looking after two young boys, as their mother began to become more distant, and as the years past, I realised she was fading away, much as the elves did. Boromir and Faramir, who were nine and four at the time, could not understand this. Denethor was distant and moody with all, even his children, who wanted nothing more than to please him. They took to calling me auntie, which I suppose was a way of establishing a relative who was always there for them, unlike their father, who never had time, and their mother, who was rarely strong enough to have a decent conversation with her energetic children, though when I spoke with her alone in the evenings after the boys had been put to sleep and the lullaby they always asked for had been sung, she asked often after them, regretting that she had not the strength to play with them as she had when she was younger.  
  
Denethor and I had arguments more and more often. With the fading of his wife, Denethor looked to me to run the household, which I did not object to. What I did object to was the lack of authority I had regarding the household which I ran. I was permitted to see a problem, but never to fix it.  
  
It was one of these such arguments that resulted in my estrangement from the boys. I had argued about the power of the priests with Denethor and he had forbidden me to have anything more to do with his sons in future, and they had been told they were not to talk to me.  
  
This freed up much of my time, though I missed the boys dearly, as they had become much beloved to me in the four years I had lived there.  
  
I sat on the bench below the White Tree of Gondor, missing my charges and staring at the ground. I was beginning to feel the time had come for me to leave.  
  
"Alone, without your charges? I can't imagine that happens often, Lady Jané." I looked up to see Gandalf standing before me. I stood and curtsied.  
  
"Lord Denethor has forbidden me to see them, and the priests now have jurisdiction over them." I said bitterly.  
  
"Now that will never do." Gandalf said, frowning. "Stay here, and I shall get this sorted out." He swept into the hall, and I stared at the mountains of Mordor. It seemed a dark cloud was brewing over Mordor. I was only forty seven by this point but I had seen enough of the world to see that that meant trouble. Just then Denethor came storming out of the citadel.  
  
"You are to have full jurisdiction over Prince Boromir and Prince Faramir." He said sulkily. I curtsied deeply, hiding my glee. This meant I could get rid of those bloody priests and their influence on the princes.  
  
I strode through the citadel to the princes' school rooms and swept in. the priests looked up from the lessons they were teaching the boys.  
  
"You are forbidden to have anything to do with the boys." One said to me, coming forward.  
  
"Actually, you are." I said regally. "I have full jurisdiction over both boys, and I am ordering you to stay away from them.permanently." I smiled sweetly, and after a moment's hesitation, the priests left. Both boys leapt up and hugged me, laughing.  
  
"Now. Where were they?"  
  
"Telling us how the Queens of Mordor invited the evil into Mordor." Boromir said promptly. I froze. Had the priests found out, or was it just a scary coincidence?  
  
"Well, for a start, the Queens did not invite the evil into Mordor." I said, regaining my calm.  
  
"They didn't?" Faramir asked. I was amazed he was even in this lesson, being only four.  
  
"No. The Queens of Mordor left Mordor long before evil came."  
  
"They abandoned it?" Boromir asked, sounding disgusted. "That wasn't very brave of them."  
  
"No, Boromir." I said gently. "They didn't abandon it. Some men they considered friends came and hurt them, and took the throne for themselves. The Queens fled so they would not be killed. The men then invited the evil in."  
  
"How do you know?" Boromir asked.  
  
"Some of my people once came from Mordor." I said evasively, "A very long time ago."  
  
"Ah." He said, satisfied.  
  
*&*  
  
The Lady Finduilas died the third of November, 2988 of the third age. There was a great funeral, and the whole city went into morning for the beautiful and caring woman. All wore black, as a sign of respect, and most of the Stewards household went veiled. I myself missed her terribly, though I had known that her death was inevitable. She had been able to bid her children farewell, though, even though it was probably that which speeded her death.  
  
Gandalf came to the funeral, and stood around her tomb even as I sang the haunting, lilting melody of the Gondorian funeral. The boys stood on either side of me, holding my hands. a cold wind whipped around us, as winter tightened its grip on the grieving white city. Denethor looked on, impassive and distant as he always was, nowadays. I practically ran the household, and from there, the city, as Denethor grieved for his dead wife and for other sorrows no one but himself understood.  
  
There was the funeral feast that evening, at which I sang the Anorondorian song of passing, which spoke more of the joy of everlasting life in a land of peace that the loss of a loved one.  
  
"My Lady Jané." Gandalf said. I looked up at him through the black veil that was draped over my head and shoulders, and was kept in place by the gold circlet of Anorondor. I curtsied, my black skirts pooling on the floor as I did so.  
  
"I would not have recognised you, apart from your voice and the funeral song you sang this night. I remember when the women of Anorondor sang for the passing of their Queen." Gandalf looked nostalgic. "Your people always had such a positive outlook on life. Speaking of the wonders of life after death instead of the sorrow of loss."  
  
"We still do." I said quietly. Boromir came up to me and tugged my hand.  
  
"Auntie Jané. Look. Faramir's fallen asleep over there." He pointed to the corner, where Faramir had fallen asleep among the dog beds.  
  
"Oh, dearest." I murmured. I went over and gathered the five year old in my arms, and he murmured in his sleep and clung to me. I met Gandalf on my way to the door that led to the inner citadel.  
  
"Here, give him to me." I looked up, and found a cloaked stranger beside me. But I recognised his voice, for all that he was cloaked.  
  
"Who are you?" Boromir demanded.  
  
"He's my brother." I said softly. I gave Faramir to Aragorn, and Aragorn followed me down the halls to the room where the boys slept. I opened the door, and Aragorn laid him on Faramir's bed, which I pointed out to him. I started pulling off Faramir's shoes, and laid my hand against his cheek, and he snuggled into it.  
  
"Come Boromir. Get ready for bed." I said. It was later than I thought, the moon was well on its way across the clear night sky. He took off his shoes, then paused.  
  
"I miss mother." He said. I turned to him, and swiftly hugged him.  
  
"Oh my dearest." I murmured. Then I took his hand and led him to the window. Just as we approached, a shooting star arched across the sky.  
  
"Look!" he said, pointing.  
  
"That was from your mother, to say she'll always be looking after you, no matter what you do." I whispered in his ear. He nodded, and lifted my veil. He kissed my cheek, then turned to finish getting ready for bed. Aragorn stood in the doorway, framed in golden lamplight, his face in shadow. I tucked both boys in, and smiled at them. "Goodnight, my boys." I said softly.  
  
"Sing about the two trees for us." Boromir said softly into the darkness. I smiled, and felt Aragorn take my hand. Then I began to sing.  
  
*&*  
  
"Absolutely no! Not a chance!" Denethor shouted at me. I refused to back down.  
  
"Faramir is a child!" I protested. "How can you expect a six year old to wield a sword?"  
  
"The same way Boromir did, when he was six." Denethor cried. "Beware your station, Lady Jané, you are their caretaker, not their mother!"  
  
*&*  
  
This was the first of many such arguments, until finally, at Boromir's urging, I left Gondor, and the boys. Boromir had promised to love and care for his brother, even as I couldn't. I was furious at both Denethor and myself. Boromir had begged me to leave, that I would not be banished forever from returning to them. I had followed his wishes, albeit reluctantly. Temporary separation from the two boys I almost thought of as my sons was better than permanent separation. And so I departed from Gondor, the heavy pain of loss weighing down my heart. 


	7. Travellings

I travelled around, to the south of the White Mountains, and then to the far west, to where Beleriand was of old, west of the Blue Mountains, before it disappeared into the sea. Then I began the long journey back to Rivendell, which I missed.  
  
I travelled along the Great East Road, towards Bree. As I passed just south of Hobbiton, I was shocked to find three child-like creatures fall off the verge to my left, and roll near enough straight under Enya. She reared, and turned on her back feet so she did not crush their heads when she landed. I dismounted quickly, and checked them over. They were stunned, but none the worse for wear.  
  
"Beg pardon, Lady." One of them, the oldest, said. I smiled.  
  
"You have it." At my words the elder frowned. "You don't know Gandalf, do you?" he asked me.  
  
"I do," I said with a laugh. "What is your name?"  
  
"I am Bilbo Baggins. This is my nephew Frodo Baggins, and his miscreant friend, Meriadoc Brandybuck." I curtsied.  
  
"I am Lady Jané, and forgive my ignorance, but, what are you?" I asked plainly.  
  
"We, dear lady, are hobbits." The youngest drew himself up to his full height, which barely reached my waist.  
  
"Well, I am very pleased to meet you, and –get off the road!" I hissed. I spun, and the earth seemed to spin with me. Frodo and Meriadoc scrambled off the road and under the jutting tree root of a roadside tree, but Bilbo simply looked around.  
  
"Whatever is the matter?" he asked. I grabbed him by the back of his collar and tossed him off the road. He scrambled under the root, and I climbed back onto Enya. Only just in time.  
  
A dark cloaked rider approached on an armoured black horse, which had red eyes.  
  
"Ring!" it hissed. Enya stamped, but didn't move.  
  
"Be gone." I said. "I have no ring, as you well know." He reached out an armoured hand, and pain arched through me. But I sat proud. "Be gone. There is nothing for you here." I repeated. Its horse reared and it screamed, and then it rode past me in a swirl of wind and black robes.  
  
The hobbits emerged from the tree root, pale and shaken. They did not protest as I took Frodo, and Bilbo's heads in my hands and brushed away their memories of the rider. I nearly did Meriadoc's, but his mind was so young, I feared its harm, so I let it stay, only buried it deep. Then I sent them home, and told them to speak nothing of this episode. Then I rode hard and fast with barely a rest until I came to the fair city of Rivendell, where I saw again my Ada, and told him all.  
  
Three days later, I was once again sitting on Enya, getting ready to ride to Denarssa.  
  
"Ride hard and fast." Elrond told me. "No matter what the law about returning to Denarssa, Andel needs to know." I nodded.  
  
"Farewell, Ada." I said. He smiled at the name, which was more a nickname now than an endearment.  
  
"Farewell." He called as I sped away from Rivendell.  
  
I arrived at Denarssa two days later after hard riding. When I came to cave like entrance, I found the guards gone. I slipped from Enya and walked quickly and silently down the tunnel until I came out I came out on the grassy area before the entrance of the city, which was now ruined.  
  
As I gazed around in horror, I heard a scream, and saw a very young girl being pursued by an orc, who was playing with her, as a cat plays with a mouse. He stopped dead when he found an elven blade in his stomach and looked up to see a much older woman standing before him than the one he had been chasing. The orc laughed harshly.  
  
"Your majesty." He coughed, then he slumped. I wiped my blade on the grass, and turned to the little girl.  
  
"Are you alright?" I asked. "What is your name?"  
  
"I'm Kera." The little girl gulped. "I'm alright."  
  
"Where is your mother?" I asked, though I suspected.  
  
"She's dead!" the girl began crying, and I scooped her into my arms. She couldn't have been more than two.  
  
"What was her name?" I asked.  
  
"Her name was Zelda." The little girl said with dignity. "She was Steward of Anorondor." She stumbled a little over the name, but looked at me with clear brown eyes.  
  
"Is there anyone else in there alive?" I asked her sternly.  
  
"No. I was hiding on the great rock, because there's this little dip on the top." Tears started welling up her eyes. "And I saw them chase everyone out, and they...they did horrible things to them and then killed them, like you killed him." She pointed at the fallen orc over my shoulder. I really didn't know what to do. Should I take Kera and leave, leaving any people left for certain death, or stay and check to see is Kera was right, putting both myself and her in danger.  
  
"We should leave." Kera said quietly. "I know who you are, I dreamt about you. And I know who I'm going to be. But if we stay here we'll die. I saw it." Kera was deadly serious, and I nodded.  
  
"Very well. Look one last time on Denarssa, Kera, because soon we will leave it behind and not return." She looked, then wriggled.  
  
"Put me down." I did, and she ran over and kissed the wall. Then she ran back. I scooped her up and sat her on Enya. Then I swung up behind her, and we rode out through the tunnel, without looking back.  
  
It took us five days to return to Rivendell, because Kera was often tired, and I did not want wear her out. When we finally did arrive, she stared around in wonder.  
  
"So this is the elven city?" she asked, awe-struck.  
  
"One of them." I said. I slid off Enya, then picked up Kera, who held onto my neck. Enya trotted off to the stables. "Come, you should meet Ada." I began walking to the main building, still holding Kera.  
  
"Who's Ada?" she asked.  
  
"His name is really Elrond, but I call him Ada. It means father."  
  
"He's your father?" Kera asked, wide eyed.  
  
"No, I'm not. But Jané has always called me that." Kera jumped, and I turned. "Welcome back, Jané. Who is your friend?"  
  
"I'm Kera, and I'm the only one left from Anorondor." Elrond looked at me.  
  
"I did not check. But Kera says she saw her mother killed, and she's the newest, and probably the youngest, Steward of Anorondor. I was reluctant to risk our lives looking through an orc infested city for someone who might yet be alive." Elrond nodded.  
  
"It would have been unwise to risk both the lines of Anorondor. Very well." I put Kera down and she held onto my hand. Elrond looked at our clasped hands and smiled. "I will have the rooms beside yours prepared for Lady Kera." He said.  
  
"Baths?" I asked hopefully. He laughed.  
  
"Of course. I'll have them sent up immediately."  
  
"Thank you Ada." I said.  
  
"Thank you, Lord Elrond." Kera said with a little curtsey. Ada bowed solemnly to her.  
  
"My pleasure, little one. If only Jané's manners matched yours." Then he turned and left.  
  
"I like him." Kera said.  
  
"I am glad. Come, and I shall show you my rooms, and we will see if we can find you something to wear."  
  
As we walked down the hall, I heard someone call my name. I turned, and saw Arwen following behind me. "Arwen!" I exclaimed, smiling. "You are well?"  
  
"I am, thank you. And who is your companion?" Kera curtsied again.  
  
"I am Kera, of Denarssa." She said.  
  
"Denarssa?" Arwen looked at me. "What happened?"  
  
"The city was sacked by orcs. Kera here is the only survivor."  
  
"You poor thing!" Arwen exclaimed. She bent to look Kera in the face. "I am Arwen, and I am very pleased to meet you." Arwen curtsied. Kera smiled, then tugged on my hand.  
  
"I am tired, Jané." She said, leaning against my leg and putting her thumb in her mouth. I nodded and picked her up, and she rested her head on my shoulder. I kissed her little shoulder, and then continued to my room, Arwen beside me.  
  
When I opened the door, I found two steaming baths by the fire, and two dresses laid out on the bed. One big enough for me that I had not seen before, and another small for Kera, that I recognised as one of my own when I had been Kera's age. Arwen made her excuses and left. I carefully woke Kera, who had fallen asleep in my arms.  
  
"Mummy?" she asked.  
  
"No, love, its Jané. But I'm going to give you a quick bath before you go to bed." I quickly undid Kera's clothes, and then lowered her into the bath. When she was clean, I dried her off, and dressed her in the shift that came with her dress. Then I laid her in my bed and tucked her in, and she fell asleep almost immediately. I quickly bathed and dressed, then stood by the window, looking out at the forests that surrounded Rivendell. Spring was blossoming everywhere, and I suddenly felt old. I was fifty five by this time, and looked in my late twenties.  
  
A cool breeze came through the open window and ruffled my pale green silk skirt. I suddenly thought I could see time passing, very quickly, seeing an older woman with curling brown hair and Kera's brown eyes lean over a bed. See Legolas pacing outside a bedchamber, looking worried. See Arwen leave Rivendell, bound for Valinor. And see the White City crumble as Denethor watched. I wrenched myself away, looking back at the young Kera as though to check she was still only two years old, not in her twenties as I had seen her moments ago.  
  
There was a quiet knock on the door and Elrond walked in, and joined me at the window, glancing at Kera as he passed.  
  
"You are a born mother." He said softly.  
  
"I've had practise." I murmured back. He took my hand and led me into the adjacent room, where there were two chairs sat facing each other, with a table to their side. Elrond sat and I followed suit, though my gaze was still drawn to the window.  
  
"Where did you go?" he asked me. "Even by my standards you were gone for a while."  
  
"I travelled around." I said simply. "You know I went to Lothlorien with Haldir, but then from there I travelled to Mordor, and on my way back I was brought to Mirkwood. Then I went on to Gondor and from there to the far west, through old Beleriand, and then back here, via the Shire."  
  
"When did you find the time to act as a mother?" Elrond asked me.  
  
"I spent some time in Gondor after I helped Finduilas birth Prince Faramir, her second son. I stayed for six years, and then left. I cared for Boromir while Finduilas was occupied with Faramir, and then for both boys when Finduilas faded and eventually died." Elrond bowed his head.  
  
"You will stay?" he asked me finally.  
  
"For Kera." I said. "But when she is old enough, I believe it will be time for me to leave again." Elrond nodded. "What do you see?" I asked. "For Kera, what do you see?" Elrond shook his head and sighed.  
  
"She is young to be burdened with the Stewardship." Elrond simply said. "even though she has no duties, she has the title, and understands it. That puts the greatest burden on her shoulders."  
  
"She said she knew me because she had dreamed of me." I said thoughtfully. "And before the orc died he called me majesty." Elrond looked startled. "Do you think they know? And how could he recognise me?" I asked.  
  
"I do not think they know, although how that orc could have known is beyond my sight." Elrond said. There was silence between us for a while. "Great love, and great loss." Elrond said quietly. I looked at the door that separated the room we were in from the room where Kera slept. Then the door opened, and Kera padded in.  
  
"Jané?" she asked. I turned.  
  
"I am here, my love." I said, holding out my arms. She went into them, and I drew her onto my lap. "What is it?" I asked.  
  
"I dreamt of horrible things." Kera mumbled.  
  
"Tell us." I said encouragingly.  
  
"It was all dark, and I could hear screaming, like there was at Denarssa." She started. "Then it was light again, at I was standing at this big tower, and it was very pretty, with lots of big trees, bigger than I'd ever seen. I looked up and saw the tower went really high, but when I looked back down, all the trees had been cut down, and there were big cracks in the earth, and fire and bangs were coming out of them." She shuddered, and I held her tightly in my arms.  
  
"And then I was at the top of a big white city." She said softly, "Looking towards these big mountains under a red and black sky. And there were these black squares on the earth below me, which was very far down. And there were horns and bangs and clashes and the whole thing smelt of blood. And you were there, dressed in blue and gold, like the old queens used to be, and you were singing something. And then I saw a big yellow eye, and I screamed, because it scared me. Then I saw a big White Tree, only it was dead, and on fire too. Then I woke up." I nodded, and held her close, stroking her brown curls. I heard her breath even out as she fell asleep again on my chest. I looked up at Elrond.  
  
"What do you think?"  
  
"I think that that child has the gift of foresight." Elrond said, staring at her. 


	8. The Trappings of Royalty

As the years passed, and Kera got older, this became more and more obvious. Elrond began giving her lessons in controlling her sight, that she would not be taken unawares by it at an inconvenient moment. And while she learnt that, I learnt medicine from the great books in the library. And between our learning, Kera and I often went out into the woods around Rivendell, and I taught her about Anorondor of old, all that I had learnt from her mother.  
  
When she was seven, I decided that we were both ready to travel southeast, to Rohan, and to Edoras.  
  
We went through the pass of Rohan, and past Isengard. But when she saw Isengard, she reigned in her horse and stopped, all colour gone from her face. I walked Enya back to her.  
  
"What is it?" I asked.  
  
"That's the tower from my dream." She said in a whisper. "With the great trees surrounding it, and then the great fiery cracks in the earth with all those horrible noises."  
  
"Come, Kera." I said softly. "We pass onto Edoras, which is not far now." We had not travelled for a further five minutes when an old man dressed in white walked out of the wood to our left and stood before us.  
  
"Where do you travel?" he asked. I glanced at Kera, who was now even paler than before.  
  
"East." I answered him. "We have yet to decide on a destination. I am Anya, and this is my daughter Erin." I gave him false names, and shielded my mind from him. I distrusted everything about him.  
  
"I am Saruman. Your daughter looks unwell." He said.  
  
"I believe she ate something bad last night. It will pass." I answered easily. Saruman approached us, and Enya stamped. "Easy." I told her gently. She calmed. I tucked a stray bit of hair behind my ear, and while doing so, tucked my sun pendant into my dress, out of sight.  
  
"I am skilled at healing. I would offer my services, if it might speed your journey?" He asked me. Kera kicked her horse forward.  
  
"I am well, thank you. As mother said, it will pass." She said calmly. Saruman nodded. "Mother, we must be on" she told me. I nodded at her.  
  
"Farewell, Saruman," I said.  
  
"Farewell, Lady Anya." He called back. We urged our horses into a quick walk, and when we were round the corner, we kicked them into a trot, then canter, until we were far away from Isengard.  
  
"He was horrible." Kera said with a shudder, slowing her horse to a walk.  
  
"And to think he is the famed white wizard." I said. "Come, let us make haste farther into Rohan. Isengard still looms over us."  
  
"Race you!" She called, and kicked her horse into a gallop.  
  
"Fool of a girl!" I called back, laughing, and easily caught her up. We galloped across the rolling country of Rohan, laughing and calling. By the time dusk fell, we were far into Rohan.  
  
We made camp in the shadow of some boulders by the hills. We had no fire, as I did not want to draw undue attention to us. We were quiet that night, which was unusual as we normally sang and danced and laughed like a pair of witless idiots.  
  
The next morning, we found it well that we had been quiet. We found orc tracks not far at all from our campsite, and we both shuddered to think how close the orcs had been to us.  
  
"How does the king let orcs roam his lands?" Kera asked from where she knelt by the tracks. I was stood up in my stirrups, shielding my eyes against the morning sun, and looking for any trace of the orcs.  
  
"Rohan is a big place, and he has only so many men." I answered. Kera made a quick movement out of the corner of my eye.  
  
"Jané. Look!" She exclaimed. I slid off Enya and knelt beside Kera. "They were dragging something." She said.  
  
"More like someone." I corrected, tracing the indentation of the grass with my fingertips.  
  
"We need to follow them." Kera said. I looked up, and she had that look in her eyes that she got when she had seen something.  
  
"You sure?" I asked.  
  
"Very. Come on." She leapt up and practically jumped into the saddle. I followed suit, and we cantered, following the none-so-subtle tracks the orcs left behind. Eventually, I slowed Enya to a stop, and Kera did the same with Alai, the black mare she rode. I slid off and drew my long knife. Kera followed me, flexing her hands. I looked at them inquisitively.  
  
"They itch." She said, by way of explanation. I nodded.  
  
We crept close to the encampment, though I did not know why they had stopped during the day. As we drew close to them, we could hear the orcs arguing.  
  
"We could just eat 'er." One said.  
  
"Don't be an idiot." The other said. I rolled my eyes. I remembered this argument from Mordor.  
  
"Don't call me an idiot." There was a scuffle, and I crept closer, signalling Kera to stay behind. There was a woman in a dove grey dress lying in the corner. Her dress was ripped, and her nose bloody. I didn't want to think what else would be wrong with her. There were only two orcs that I could see, and I wondered were the rest were. Not for long.  
  
"Jané!" Kera screamed. I spun to see her thrust her hands out to ward off the oncoming orc, and saw him turn to dust. Kera stared in amazement for a moment before turning this to her advantage. Once I saw that she could easily hold her own, I went for the unconscious woman in the camp, cutting down orcs as I went, my silver blade whistling through the air. I fell to my knees by the woman, and grasped her shoulders after checking she was alive. Then I began dragging her away from the camp. Once I got out of the encampment, I whistled and Enya trotted forward. I slung the woman up into the saddle, and then hoisted myself up behind her. I cantered to where flashes of light were still occurring, lighting the early morning sky. By the time I got there, however, the flashes had stopped and Kera was stood there, redoing her hair and brushing off her dress. She smiled at me, and whistled, much as I had, and Alai came forward. She mounted her horse, and grinned.  
  
"Well, that was easy." She said. I frowned.  
  
"Don't say that. Come on, we need to get away. Since when can you turn orcs to dust with light from your hands?" I asked seriously.  
  
"Since now." Kera said with a shrug. "I don't remember doing it before." We trotted onwards, east as before, while I supported the unconscious woman.  
  
We stopped for a rest around noon, and I laid the woman on the grassy floor. She was richly dressed; her dove-grey gown made of fine velvet. She had blue-green eyes and long curling blonde hair.  
  
I poured some of our water on her face, and she came to with a splutter and a half-shriek.  
  
"Hush!" I exclaimed. "You are safe now, with friends." Her eyes focused on me, and puzzlement spread over her face.  
  
"Who are you?" She asked, bewildered.  
  
"I am Jané, and this is Kera." The woman struggled to sit, and I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and supported her. "Slowly." I cautioned.  
  
"I must get back!" the woman struggled. "What will they think?" I frowned.  
  
"Who are you?" I asked. "And who are they?" She stopped struggling, and put a hand behind her to brace herself on.  
  
"I'm sorry. I'm Lady Lorilei of Edoras. I left yesterday – no, it was the day before that – because of an argument I had with my brother and husband. I only meant to ride for a few hours, but then orcs came out of the rocks, and..." she paused. "I can't remember anything more, apart from waking up here."  
  
"Probably best." Kera said from where she stood petting Alai. I shot her a look.  
  
"We are headed for Edoras." I said. "We will escort you and ensure no further harm comes to you."  
  
"I would be grateful for your company." She said, and I smiled. I handed her an apple and a piece of bread, which she devoured gratefully.  
  
"Easy, or you'll make yourself sick." I warned, and she smiled.  
  
"Better sick with you than dead with orcs." She said brightly.  
  
"You mean eaten." Kera muttered, so that only I could hear her.  
  
"Come, Lady Lorilei. We need to move on, we are not far enough from the orc-camp for my liking."  
  
"Please, call me Lori." Lorilei said. "I owe you my life."  
  
"We give aid where it is needed." I said, but I smiled. She mounted Enya without much trouble, but I reflected she was from Rohan, land of the horsemen, so it was not all that surprising.  
  
We camped that night in open ground, and lit a small witch-fire to withstand the wet, as Lori was shivering. It was a cool night, and was drizzling, and she had nothing but the dress she wore. She sat between Kera and I, and we shared our cloaks so we were all warm and mostly dry. And then we talked.  
  
She explained that she was the sister of King Théodan of Rohan. She had argued with both the king and her husband Éomund, and had ridden out, leaving her young children Éowyn and Éomer behind.  
  
We then explained that we were from Rivendell, and that eight-year-old Kera was my charge, and we were simply travelling. Lori smiled at this knowledge.  
  
"I wish I could simply travel, but between running Meduseld, and caring for my children, I haven't the time."  
  
"You run Meduseld?" Kera asked incredulously.  
  
"Yes." Lori said, laughing. "I am the woman closest to the King after his wife Elldrean died giving birth to the king's son, Théodred, and so I run the hall, ensure that it runs smoothly, so that Théodan can rule the Mark without worrying about his house also." Kera began to say something, but I held up a hand to silence her. Enya was snorting, and I stood, drawing my blade.  
  
"You can use a sword?" I asked Lori.  
  
"Those who cannot wield them can still die on them." She answered.  
  
"Good. Kera, give her your sword, I doubt you'll need it." She nodded, and handed the slender blade to Lori. We stood ready, rain coursing down our faces and our clothes sticking to us with wet, me cursing the need for the fire which had obviously given us away.  
  
"Strangers, what business do you have here?" A voice came out of the dark, but it was no orc-voice. Lori started, and I could tell she recognised the voice.  
  
"Come into the light, that we may see you, and tell you our business." I called.  
  
"It is an unnatural light, and yet we can not see your faces either." The voice returned. Motioning Kera and Lori to stay back, I walked into the light from the witch-fire.  
  
"You can see my face, now let me see yours." I said. A horse rode into the light, and I could see one of the Rohirrim on its back. I curtsied slightly.  
  
"It is dangerous for a woman to ride abroad alone." The man said, and there was a catch in his voice, and I realised who it must be, that Lori could recognise his voice.  
  
"You are Éomund, husband of Lorilei?" I asked. Instantly a sword point touched my throat.  
  
"What do you know of it?" The voice snarled.  
  
"Éomund, stop!" Lori cried, running out of the darkness. With a frustrated huff, Kera stalked after her.  
  
"Lori!" The rider exclaimed. He sheathed his sword, and slid from the horse. He embraced Lori, holding her tightly and burying his face in her wet hair. "We were so worried." He murmured. Kera stood beside me and smiled up at me. I put my arm around her shoulders, and hugged her to me, suddenly missing Legolas more than I could say. "And who are your companions?" Éomund suddenly asked, looking towards us.  
  
"Jané and Kera. They saved me from the orcs." Éomund bowed to us, a marked difference from his earlier behaviour.  
  
"I beg pardon for my earlier behaviour, my lady." He said. "I was worried, and acted rashly."  
  
"I know how it is to worry for a loved one." I said with a smile. "All is completely forgotten." Éomund smiled. Then he turned to his men, because at Lori's appearance they had drawn out of the darkness, circling us.  
  
"We camp here tonight, and return to Edoras in the morning." I called. There was suddenly a flourish of movement, and before I hardly had time to think, there was an elaborate camp set up around us. Soon the sounds of laughter and talk surrounded us.  
  
I sat by the witch-fire and gazed into its blue-purple flames. Kera came to sit beside me.  
  
"What's he like?" She asked me. I turned to her, startled.  
  
"Who?"  
  
"The one you love so much." She elaborated. I smiled to myself.  
  
"He's...indescribable." I said finally. "He's just...everything." Kera snuggled into me, and I wrapped my arm around her. She stared up at the clear starry sky.  
  
"It must be wonderful," she said, "to love someone like that. To be loved like that."  
  
"It burns you in a way you cannot imagine." I told her, "but you would not give it up for anything in this world."  
  
"Not even for Anorondor?" she asked me, her brown eyes piercing my green. I fell silent, troubled. It was something I preferred not to think about.  
  
"I don't know, little one." I said eventually. "It is very confusing."  
  
"I can't imagine you confused." She said with a little sigh. "I'm always confused." I stroked her wet hair.  
  
"I'm confused often enough, little Kera." I said, staring off towards the north, where Mirkwood and the one person I would give up being Queen were.  
  
"You never act it." Kera complained.  
  
"Because I'm always too busy. Try and sleep now, sweetling. We have a long ride tomorrow."  
  
We were up and riding early the following morning. Lori rode behind Éomund, as expected, and I believe Enya was glad to be relieved of the extra weight. We rode fast, and the dry wind blowing from the south ensured our rain-wet clothes were soon dry.  
  
We came in sight of Edoras late in the afternoon that day. Kera didn't say anything, but I knew she was impressed as we rode up the hill towards the Golden Hall.  
  
We were met at the door by the king himself. He hugged Lori and then turned to us.  
  
"My thanks for helping my sister. I am in your debt." He said with a bow. Kera and I curtsied.  
  
"We give aid where it is needed, and I am never one to turn away someone who needs my help." I said. Théodan smiled.  
  
"Please, rest a while at Edoras." He said, and we followed him into the hall.  
  
In truth, we stayed longer than a while – nearly ten years in total. But Éowyn and Kera became best friends instantly, and I was loathe to separate them, especially since watching them play and have fun together made me realise how fast Kera had grown up, and how, between lessons with both myself and Elrond and travelling, Kera had had little to no actual childhood. Éowyn and Kera spent all their time together, Kera teaching Éowyn how to think, and Éowyn teaching Kera how to laugh.  
  
Lori and I spent a lot of time together also – I found that I had been lonely, being so long without company nearer to my age than that of children, and it seemed Lori had been lonely also. Lori and I grew very fond of each other, much as Finduilas and I had been. However, that was a deadly comparison to make, as I found out.  
  
It seemed that Lori and I almost swapped children. Kera spent all her time with Éowyn, who spent much of her time with her mother, learning to be a lady, and how to run Meduseld. However, Éomer started coming to me when he had a problem or a question, because he said I understood him better. I suppose this was because while Éomer was Lorilei's first son, he was, in essence, my third. I had had experience in bringing up boys, though not necessarily boys of Éomer's age, who was nine when I arrived, and only grew older as the years passed, as do we all.  
  
One night Kera came into my room in the dead of the night, a pale ghost in her long white night-gown with her long auburn hair tumbling thickly over her shoulders. She had woken me when she opened the door, which squeaked terribly.  
  
"Kera, what is it?" I asked, my voice thick with sleep.  
  
"I dream." Kera said simply. She climbed into bed next to me, and lay facing me, our heads sharing a pillow.  
  
"Tell me." I said softly.  
  
"Lori and Éomund, being dragged by a horse. They're both dead, and Éomund is full of orc arrows." She said. I wrapped my arms around her and drew her to me, hugging her against me. She felt cold, as she always did after a vision or dream.  
  
"I do not envy you, little one." I said. Having the gift of foresight, and the knowledge of being the Steward of Mordor, was a heavy burden for an eleven-year-old to bear.  
  
"Nor I you." She said. "You cannot marry, cannot be with the one you love. At least I-" she stopped.  
  
"Go on." I said with a smile. So Kera had fallen in love. I did not doubt that she could fall in love, after all, I had fallen in love with Legolas when I was younger than she was.  
  
"At least I can marry, be with the one I love. You have to be alone, except for a consort." She finished.  
  
"And have you found the one you would marry?" I asked her with a smile.  
  
"You must promise not to laugh." She warned me. I nodded.  
  
"I promise."  
  
"Éomer." She said solemnly. I nodded.  
  
"It is a good match." I said.  
  
"It is not about a match!" she cried. Then she lowered her voice. "I love him!"  
  
"I do not doubt that you do." I said softly. "I was younger than you are now when I fell in love with Legolas, and I still love him now, fifty three years later." Kera was quiet. "Try and sleep again, love. I do not think a dream will come again this night, and you are welcome to stay here tonight."  
  
"Thank you." Kera said, and snuggled down into the covers and was soon fast asleep. I lay awake a long time. So Lori, too, would leave us. Leave me, most likely, in charge of her children. I did not mind, particularly, I only wished that she would be here with us, along with Éomund, who was a capable Third Marshal of the Mark..  
  
I rose early, and stood long on the terrace before Meduseld, watching as the sun's light spread over the lands of Rohan. King Théodan joined me.  
  
"Often I watch the sun rise, and marvel at its getting past the evil draped over Mordor." He said. I smiled.  
  
"It would take more than the power of evil, I believe, so stay the sun in its path." I answered. He nodded.  
  
"You are troubled, Jané." He said, turning to me. I met his gaze and sighed.  
  
"I am. Kera dreamed last night, and it is something I would give much to avoid."  
  
"Her dreams often have much truth to them." Théodan observed, looking back over Rohan. "Though trying to change the outcome of her dreams rarely ends well." I nodded. Théodan and I had tried before to change the outcome of her dreams, and somehow it always ended up making things worse.  
  
"What was her dream?" he asked me eventually.  
  
"The death of your sister and her husband." I said neutrally, observing him out of the corner of my eye. He made a sudden, surprised movement.  
  
"Dark have my dreams been of late." Was all he said. I turned to him, and he sighed. "Éomund and Lorilei rode out just as the sun was rising this morning. They have been gone for an hour." I said nothing.  
  
"Jané!" Kera ran out of the hall, and stopped short on seeing Théodan. She curtsied hastily, then pulled at my arm. "This morning was in my dream!" she whispered.  
  
"Lorilei and Éomund have already ridden out, Kera." Théodan said heavily. "We may only hope your dream is not this morning, but of another." Kera looked at us both, then turned and ran inside.  
  
"Come." Théodan said finally. "They will not return any faster for our waiting." He took my arm and guided me inside. I had barely walked in the door before Éomer ran up to me.  
  
"Is it true?" he demanded, grabbing both my hands. "Is it true that they will die?"  
  
"We all die sometime." I answered softly "And I may not know nor tell when the time has come for any of us."  
  
"I don't want to lose them." Éomer protested, as though I could change the fortunes of his parents.  
  
"Nor do I. But perhaps it will not be this day."  
  
Just as dusk was creeping over the land, a lone horse was spotted returning to Edoras. I fairly ran down the hill, followed closely by the four children and Théodan.  
  
"My lord." One of the guards bowed his head as we approached. He tried to stop me going forward, but I struggled. "It is no sight for a lady." He said. I turned to Théodan.  
  
"The children-" there was a cry, and I spun, pushing past the guards. Éowyn had gotten past them, and was leaning over her dead mother, sobbing. I pulled her away and held onto her as she struggled and kicked and bit. But I did not let go, and she eventually subsided. I looked over to Kera, and she had her head buried in Éomer's shoulder, and he was staring dumbly at his dead parents, even as he stroked Kera's hair. Théodred stared, then ran back up the hill.  
  
"Jané." Théodan looked at me. "Take them back to the hall. I would speak with you all later." I nodded, and reached out an arm to Éomer, and he walked up by himself, still clinging to Kera. I guided Éowyn up the hill, as she sobbed incessantly, all the while talking to her in the old language of Mordor, even though I knew she could not understand a word I said.  
  
In the hall, we waited for Théodan's return. But all I kept seeing was the image of Lorilei and Éomund, wrapped in each other's embrace, even in death. Their eyes had been closed and they had been smiling, but the large bloody wounds on their body had changed the picture from something reassuring to something grotesque.  
  
Éowyn would not let me go, and I held her tightly. I noticed that Éomer and Kera's hands were tightly linked, and I only wished that it had not been something so horrible that brought them together.  
  
Théodan came into the hall, and despite his businesslike manner, I saw that he was deeply saddened, and almost in shock by the death of his sister.  
  
"It was orcs." He said softly. "The funeral is tomorrow morning, with the dawn. Éowyn may sing the dirge if she has the will, and if not, then Jané, it will be to you."  
  
"I only know the song of my people." I said quietly. Théodan nodded.  
  
"I thought as much-"  
  
"I will sing." Éowyn said, drawing away from me and turning to her uncle. Her face was pale and tear-streaked, but determination burned in her eyes. Théodan nodded.  
  
"Very well."  
  
The day passed slowly. The three children slipped away, perhaps to grieve as they saw fit. There was no sign of Théodred. I stood on the terrace as I had earlier in the morning, and tears ran unhindered down my face.  
  
"Jané," Théodan joined me. His face was stricken. I wiped away my tears and sniffed. I turned to him and smiled slightly. "You always smile. How can you do so?" he asked me.  
  
"I think of how Lori and Éomund are in a place where they are at peace." I said softly. "Where their children are safe and happy, and where they can be free, without a care."  
  
"Indeed." Théodan said, with a half-smile on his face. "That is a happy thought, especially in these dark times." I nodded, and softly began to sing the funeral song from Anorondor, which I had sung also at Finduilas' funeral, fourteen years ago. Boromir would be twenty-four now, and Faramir nineteen.  
  
My voice faded away, and when I looked down from the fixed point in the distance which I had been staring at, I saw that many of the folk of Edoras had come out of their homes to listen.  
  
"I never knew you had such a voice." Théodan said finally. Tears ran down his face.  
  
"It is rarely used." I said.  
  
"Sing that song at the funeral." Théodan said suddenly. "It is a fitting song." I nodded.  
  
"Very well, my lord."  
  
The funeral was early that morning, and the sky was clouded over as if the very weather mourned.. Éowyn sang the dirge of her people as Lorilei and Éomund were put in a barrow together, and then shut in. it was a harsh song, but coupled with mine own we described the sadness of their passing, and the joy of the after life. Éowyn shut herself in her room for the rest of the day, as did Éomer and Théodred, and Kera came to see me in my room.  
  
"I hate having the sight!" she raged. She threw a glass ornament at me and I ducked, it smashed on the wall behind me.  
  
"It would not change their death." I said, ducking again as yet another ornament whizzed past my head. Then she threw a small glass ivy leaf at me, which I caught. Of all my possessions, this was one of my favourites, and I was reluctant to let it fall victim to her rage.  
  
She sank to the floor in tears, and I sat beside her, cradling her in my arms and staring at the glass ivy leaf. The glass had been coloured, and it very closely resembled the leaf it was styled after.  
  
"Was it a gift from him?" she asked, also looking at the leaf.  
  
"Yes." I said softly, remembering that Legolas had given it to me the day I left Mirkwood, or rather, he had slipped it into my bags without me seeing. "It was."  
  
In 3008, when Éowyn was fifteen and Kera was seventeen, a messenger came to Rohan from Gondor. It seemed that Boromir had heard of my whereabouts and sent the messenger with news that Faramir was ill, and it seemed no one could cure him. Boromir, remembering how I had saved his mother when she was in childbed and how I had nursed them both through childhood ailments, had sent the messenger to request my presence in Gondor, that I might save Boromir's younger brother.  
  
I agreed, and prepared to leave. The following morning I was just finishing packing, ready to leave as soon as possible. Kera was curious as to why this all meant so much to me, and I explained my earlier trip to Gondor to her.  
  
"You're a mother to everyone!" she exclaimed.  
  
"I try." I said dryly, packing the saddlebags.  
  
"You will return to us?" I turned to where Éowyn stood in the doorway and embraced her.  
  
"Of course! I would not leave you now, when you need me. I shall return, never you fear." Éowyn smiled weakly at me. I kissed her on the cheek, then walked past her then down to the stables, where I found Enya already saddled. The messenger from Gondor smiled at me.  
  
"The prince will be glad to find that you have come." He said. I kissed my two 'daughters' goodbye and both Éomer and Théodred embraced me, at which I was surprised. Those two were never ones for shows of emotion. Théodan wished me well, and then we were off.  
  
Whilst riding, I asked a question which had been nagging at me for a while.  
  
"What of Lord Denethor?" the man's face tightened.  
  
"He does not know of Boromir's request that you return to Gondor." He looked at me critically. "Though it hardly seems possible that one as young as yourself could care for both princes in infant hood."  
  
"I am older than I look." Was all I said. "Why did Lord Denethor not send for me?"  
  
"He believes Prince Faramir is weak, and is ill only to gain attention that he does not receive because he is not worthy of it." I had a feeling that the man was almost quoting Denethor's exact words. And all at once I was worried and displeased, that Denethor cared so little for his youngest son.  
  
We arrived early in the morning, as the sun was rising over the mountains. We had ridden straight through the night, as the man was obviously very keen to return to his prince.  
  
Boromir met us at the door to the citadel, looking as though he had not slept for days. Still, at thirty years old, he was a very handsome man, despite the lack of sleep that showed in his face.  
  
"Jané." He said with a relieved smile. He bowed courteously, and I curtsied. "Come." He took my arm with a nod of thanks to the messenger, and led me through the citadel.  
  
"You are well?" he asked me.  
  
"I am. Boromir, what is this I hear that Denethor gives no aid to Faramir?" I asked urgently. Boromir sighed.  
  
"It is true. My father does not see the goodness and quality in Faramir. He is to busy praising me to even notice Faramir." He said bitterly. We came to the door to the gold room, where Finduilas had recovered from Faramir's birth, and I walked in.  
  
Denethor stood facing the man who lay pale and obviously very ill on the bed. His head snapped up when I entered.  
  
"You!" he snarled. "Am I never to have peace from you?"  
  
"Not when your sons need help." I answered, passing him and leaning over Faramir.  
  
"He doesn't need help. He needs to grow up." Denethor sneered.  
  
"And you need to open your eyes." I said softly. He said nothing, but slammed the door as he left.  
  
I stroked Faramir's face. His eyes were sunken and his cheekbones stuck out further than was recommended.  
  
"Faramir?" I asked quietly. He stirred. "Faramir, its Jané." His eyes cracked open, and his hand clumsily touched my face.  
  
"You shouldn't come here for me." He said in a dry, cracked voice.  
  
"I come for those who need my help." I answered. "Especially when they are loved ones."  
  
"I don't want your pity." He said, turning his face away.  
  
"I don't give it to you." I snapped. "I give only aid that you might get over this illness." Faramir closed his eyes and said nothing, and within minutes he was asleep.  
  
Denethor and I avoided each other all week, until one day he summoned me into his presence. I had been caring for Faramir, who didn't seem to be improving, and had no time to change. I simply came as I was, in a plain blue dress with a gold coil holding my hair back. My hair had grown increasingly difficult to deal with, as it was going curly, and was unruly.  
  
"My lord." I said, coming into the room. I dropped the perfunctory curtsey. "What is it? I am loathe to leave-"  
  
"Faramir can wait." Denethor said harshly. He waved a hand and I suddenly noticed his guests, five elves dressed in Mirkwood green. Legolas was not among them, although the captain of the guard who had caught me when I was with Smeagol, and the bard who had walked in on me bathing were both there. "These are my guests, ambassadors from the Woodland Realm." I curtsied deeply to them.  
  
"Lady Jané." The bard said with a bow. "Your beauty, as ever, surpasses all description." I smiled.  
  
"You flatter me, my lord. Welcome to Gondor."  
  
"Indeed." Denethor said, annoyed that I knew these elves. I could tell he was mad at me for showing him up, yet again. "Lady Jané, I would like you to stay for our negotiations, as you know elves and their ways far better than I."  
  
I can't say much for his subtlety. He might have believed his true meaning disguised, but I could see in the eyes of all the elves, even the Captain of the Guard, that they were disgusted at his plan of using me as a way of getting them to do as he pleased, as though I was a hostage, not a guest.  
  
"My lord, I came here to care for your son, not sit in on your negotiations with surrounding kingdoms." I protested.  
  
"My son is not as ill as he would have you believe." Denethor said  
  
"I believe you are mistaken." I said boldly.  
  
"He is my son!" Denethor growled, rising and taking a step towards me. I did not flinch.  
  
"And I raised him, my lord. And I have a thorough grounding in medicine. The prince is ill, my lord, no matter what you think."  
  
"I am Steward of Gondor." Denethor said, a warning.  
  
"Which does not make you a doctor. I am a lady of Rivendell." I replied furiously. "And more besides. I am well versed in medicine, my lord, and I know your son is ill. And I find myself forced to decline your invitation to sit in on your meeting."  
  
"You will not." Denethor growled. I glanced at the elves. I had met almost all of them at some point in my stay at Mirkwood, and I could see they were all tense, ready to slip into combat positions at any time.  
  
"My lord, I will not attend any of your meetings with ambassadors from anywhere until your son's health has improved. Now, if you will excuse me." I curtsied and turned away.  
  
"I have not yet dismissed you!" Denethor snarled.  
  
"I am well versed in medicine." One of the elves stepped in. He was of high rank, I could tell by his clothes and the way the other deferred to him. "If the lady Jané did not disapprove, I could look at the prince and offer my opinion."  
  
"That will not be necessary." Denethor said rudely, even as I smiled at him.  
  
"My thanks, my lord." I said to the elf. "Excuse me, Lord Denethor." I said. Then I turned and led the elf to the gold room. As we approached, Boromir ran towards us.  
  
"He's gone mad, Jané! He wont listen to any of us and he keeps talking about Queens, like in the stories you told us as children. And how Osgiliath was doomed, and how Minas Tirith would burn!"  
  
I sped up, the elf behind me effortlessly keeping pace with me. Soon we were running down the halls towards the gold room, and as we approached, I became able to hear Faramir's ravings. At the door the elf caught my arm.  
  
"He could be dangerous, my lady." He said. I looked at him.  
  
"I am not afraid of a boy I raised from infanthood." I said levelly. He nodded, understanding more than I had said, and let me go.  
  
We went into the room, and while the elf went round to the side of the bed, I hitched up my skirts and crawled across it, grabbing at Faramir's arms as he thrashed around. I missed his arm as he flung it about, and it caught my chin, snapping my head back and making me lose my balance so I fell to the floor. I grimaced and stood back up, ignoring the elf's concerned look, and grasped both of Faramir's wrists, holding them tightly.  
  
"Faramir!" I said sternly. "Faramir stop it!"  
  
"Mother!" he screamed. "Make it stop!" I was a little hurt by this, since it had been I who had brought him up since he was four, but pushed the hurt aside, and remembering Finduilas as best I could, drew the glamour over me as I had been taught as Denarssa, until my dark hair seemed to lighten to golden brown and my eyes darkened from blue to brown.  
  
"Faramir, beloved." I murmured, catching his face in my hands. The elf beside cast me a startled look, as I now resembled Finduilas more than I did myself. Faramir stilled, and looked up at me with wild blue eyes. "Faramir, my love. Calm yourself." My voice belonged to the Finduilas I remembered.  
  
"Mother? But you..."  
  
"I am back to help you. But I may not stay." I said.  
  
"Are the halls of Mandos nice, like Jané say they are?" I heard the elf chuckle.  
  
"They are beautiful, and I am happy here, though I miss you. I'm watching over you from there, my love."  
  
"I'm glad you like them." Faramir said with a sigh. "Can you make the visions stop?" he asked urgently.  
  
"I think they are necessary, my love. Simply watch them, then tell Jané when you wake. Do not be afraid, dearest. I love you."  
  
"Don't go!" Faramir said frantically, grabbing my wrist.  
  
"Be at peace, my son." I said softly. "Let me go." Faramir stared at me, then slowly let my wrist go. He lay back and closed his eyes, and I dropped the glamour, instantly becoming myself again. When Faramir opened his eyes again, it was I that he looked at, not his mother.  
  
"Mother came." Faramir said wearily.  
  
"What did she tell you?" I asked quietly.  
  
"Not to fear. I don't think I do, anymore." He said.  
  
"Finduilas would be proud, my prince. Sleep now." I passed my hand over his forehead, and he relaxed into a deep sleep.  
  
Outside the gold room, the elf took my arm.  
  
"My lady..." he began. I smiled tiredly.  
  
"I am Lady Eldira Jané."  
  
"Lord Alkar. How did you do that?"  
  
"It's a magic I was taught when I lived at the Hidden City." I answered. "It can be useful, in instances such as that." I gestured at the closed door to the gold room. "However, it can be misused, and it is only taught to a select few."  
  
"Yes. That is understandable." There was a cry from the great hall, and we both turned to look down the corridor.  
  
"What is it?" I asked, automatically deferring to his elven hearing.  
  
"The Prince has arrived." He said, taking my arm and near enough dragging me down the corridor. At the entrance I yanked my arm back and smoothed my hair, touching my bruised jaw gingerly. "How is it?" he asked me.  
  
"Bruised and probably swollen."  
  
"A tiny difference, my lady." He said with a smile. "Come." I followed him into the hall, where I could see Legolas talking to Denethor. The bard, Deiran, came forward when he saw me. Neither Legolas nor Denethor took any notice.  
  
"How is he?" Deiran asked.  
  
"Better, my lord." I said softly. "He called for his mother, and so I brought her to him.  
  
"Isn't his mother..."  
  
"She is, but I used a glamour to make him believe she had returned."  
  
"It seems that the Lady Jané has been spreading our beliefs." Said Alkar with a laugh.  
  
"It is what I believe." I answered in my own defence. "And when the princes asked what happened to people when they died, I answered they went to a hall for themselves in the Halls of Mandos, for were not men children of the Ilúvatar as well?" I asked with a smile, and Alkar smiled back.  
  
"So is my son recovered?" Denethor asked sulkily. I turned to see both Denethor and Legolas watching me. I saw Legolas' gaze drop to my chin and his eyes narrow. I sighed. No matter what Alkar had said, Legolas had sharp eyes.  
  
"He sleeps." I answered with a curtsey in their direction. I walked forward. "But he is not recovered, my lord. He is ill." I had said this many times, and yet Denethor never seemed to believe me. Even now, he snorted.  
  
"Lady Jané, this is Prince Legolas of the Woodland realm." I curtsied deeply to him, and held out my hand, which he took and kissed, his eyes never leaving mine.  
  
"It is a pleasure." He murmured.  
  
"An honour." I answered. Denethor seemed confused by the amused expressions on all the other elves faces as Legolas and I 'met', when the whole of the Mirkwood party knew we were very close, if they did not believe we were lovers.  
  
"What happened to your jaw?" Denethor asked. I glared at Alkar over Legolas' shoulder, who had said it had been barely noticeable with elven eyes, and yet Denethor had said it, and his eyesight wasn't the best. Legolas' eyes narrowed, and I withdrew my hand from his grasp.  
  
"The Prince Faramir was frantic." Alkar said smoothly, stepping in.  
  
"I was trying to restrain him when I got in the way of one of his hands." I said simply.  
  
"He struck you?" Legolas asked. He sounded calm, but I knew he was furious.  
  
"Not intentionally, my prince." Alkar said with a bow, as if he knew that Legolas would not believe me.  
  
"It was my own fault for getting in the way." I added.  
  
"Faramir shall be punished." Denethor said.  
  
"You wouldn't dare!" I burst out, then clapped my hand over my mouth and curtsied deeply, bowing my head. Now I had really messed up.  
  
"Oh, my lady? And may I remind you who his father is, and who is Lord of this city?" I was so, so tempted to say that he was no lord, only a steward, but I held my tongue.  
  
"It would not be wise, my lord," Legolas began, "To punish one who is already ill. The Lady Jané is famed for her skill at medicine, and so if she says the Prince is ill, then he most certainly is." I was surprised at Legolas defending me, although I did not linger long on it.  
  
"You are dismissed, Lady Jané." Denethor said grandly, and I rose and left without a backwards glance.  
  
That night I stood on the top level of the city, and the very point of the high court, and looked up at the stars. They were so clear that night, though the ever-present cloud over Mordor masked them from my sight.  
  
I knew of his presence only when his hand went to rest on the small of my back, as he stood behind me and slightly to the side. It made me jump, and I glanced behind me to see him staring out over Mordor.  
  
"What were you thinking?" He asked me. I returned my gaze to the stars.  
  
"How beautiful they are." I answered. "I believe that, too, is something I picked up from growing up with elves." Legolas pressed his lips against the side of my head and I leaned into him, resting my head on his shoulder.  
  
"Why are you here?" he asked me.  
  
"I could ask you the same question." I retorted calmly.  
  
"Denethor says he wishes an alliance with the elves." Legolas answered. I snorted.  
  
"He lies."  
  
"I know. I just want to know the real reason he asked us to come here. That is the only reason I am here." I nodded, and Legolas took my hand and kissed the knuckles, even as I curled my fingers around his.  
  
"So why are you here?" he pressed.  
  
"Boromir sent for me." I answered. His hand tightened around mine.  
  
"Boromir?" he asked.  
  
"Do not be jealous Legolas." I chided gently. "Boromir sent for me because he cares for his brother, and he too, has heard of my healing skills." I said with a small laugh. Legolas' grip relaxed somewhat.  
  
"Lady Jané!" I heard a servant running in our direction, and I broke free of Legolas and turned to the woman. "The Prince Faramir is asking for you." I nodded, touched Legolas on the shoulder, and then left him there, standing at the tip of the citadel, staring out to the east.  
  
Faramir was awake when I walked into his room, and he smiled at me as I walked around the edge of the bed. I sat on the edge of the bed and felt his forehead and smiled. His fever had broken.  
  
"Auntie Jané." He said in a teasing voice. "Always around when we need you." I smiled at him.  
  
"I try. How are you feeling?"  
  
"Weak. A little tired, but no longer wracked with visions. I saw mother." I raised my eyebrows.  
  
"You did?"  
  
"She came and told me to listen to you, and that it would all be well, and that you were a Queen to the West, and that you would care for me. And she also told me to tell you to be careful with Boromir." He looked puzzled, and I felt very confused.  
  
What he had just told me was nothing like what I had told him in the guise of Finduilas. Somehow I did not believe that Finduilas truly had returned from the halls of Mandos to speak with her younger son.  
  
"What did she look like?" I asked.  
  
"All shining and white, and glowing with a blue light. She looked...younger, I suppose, like she was barely more than a girl."  
  
Maybe Finduilas had returned, or else Faramir's fever had caused him to dream her.  
  
"I also saw you, although you looked a lot like Finduilas did, as I remember." Faramir added. "But I could tell it was you." I nodded.  
  
"I spent the much time by your sickbed." I answered.  
  
"I dreamt that you did, and that you made the dreams leave me for a time." I smiled.  
  
"Sleep now, my prince." I said gently. "You are still recovering." He nodded, and his head rested on the pillow and his eyes shut, and soon his breathing slowed and levelled, and I stood from his sickbed and saw Alkar standing in the doorway.  
  
"He seems much improved." He commented.  
  
"His fever has broken." I said, and he nodded, his eyes still on the young prince.  
  
"He loves you, you know." He said suddenly, looking at me with piercing blue eyes.  
  
"I know." I said, resting my eyes on Faramir. "I brought him up from age five. I would be surprised if he did not love me." Alkar nodded.  
  
"That would explain what was puzzling me." He said. I looked up at him.  
  
"What puzzled you?"  
  
"He loves you greatly, but not as one would love a lover."  
  
"I brought up both princes from five years. I cared for Boromir while the Lady Finduilas cared for Faramir, then I cared for them both after she faded."  
  
"She was elven-kind?" Alkar looked at me, startled.  
  
"No." I said slowly, "But I believe she had elven blood in her. After the birth of Faramir Denethor became distant, and she missed her childhood home by the sea. I believe that she faded due to deprivation of both."  
  
"But her children?"  
  
"Were not a strong enough force to keep her here." I answered quietly. He nodded.  
  
"It is sorrowful, that they should both lose their mother to be left with only you. This entire city seems cold."  
  
"It is." I agreed. "And I left a year later, at Boromir's urging, that Denethor would not banish me permanently."  
  
"Why would he do that?" Alkar asked.  
  
"We argued often." I said with a shrug. "I ran his family, his household, and practically his city, but I had no power. I was allowed only to see problems, never fix them. And despite my having jurisdiction over both children, Denethor still controlled what they did, and did not react well to my protests." Alkar nodded. "Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll take this chance to get some sleep." He smiled at me.  
  
"Don't let me stop you." I grinned and walked past him to my chambers.  
  
The following morning I found that the Mirkwood planned to leave the day after. Legolas invited me to travel with their party north, but I declined, preferring to stay with Faramir, who, although improving quickly, was still unwell.  
  
That evening, I left Faramir's bedroom smiling. Faramir was very much improved, laughing and talking with me. He had eaten and rested, and was now very much on the way to recovery, so much so that I considered returning with the Mirkwood party, although in the end I decided against it, unwilling to leave Faramir in case he became unwell again.  
  
"Jané!" Boromir came up behind me. I turned. "May we talk?" he asked. I nodded. "Walk with me." We walked through the halls of the citadel in near silence.  
  
"How is Faramir?" he asked. I smiled.  
  
"Well. He is recovering quickly." We came out of the citadel onto the High Court.  
  
"Jané? Can I ask you something?" I turned my gaze from the White Tree to his face.  
  
"Of course." I answered. "What is it?"  
  
"I've been thinking about it for a long time, and I promised myself I'd ask you next time I had a chance. So here I am."  
  
"Boromir." I said softly. "What is it?"  
  
"Will you marry me?" for a moment I stood there, mouth open like a fish.  
  
"Oh, Boromir." I said eventually, slowly shaking my head. "No."  
  
"Why not?" he asked me, almost annoyed. "It will be a good marriage for you, well above your station." At this, I grew annoyed.  
  
"Thank you, Boromir, for assuming I would want to marry at all." I said snippily.  
  
"Many women would do much to be in your place." He said arrogantly.  
  
"Marry them then!" I snapped.  
  
"You will marry me, you know." He said, turning to look at Gondor. "I am a prince, and you are a court lady."  
  
Now I was furious. The gibes about me being a court lady did not annoy me greatly, but it was his arrogance at assuming that I would gladly marry him. I tried to regain my composure.  
  
"Boromir, I will not marry you, for three reasons. For one, I think of you as my son, not as my husband or even as my lover. Secondly, I am more than half again your age. And thirdly, I doubt I will ever marry at all, to any man."  
  
"Come, Jané." He said, turning to me. "You would be Lady of Gondor." And a widow, I was tempted to snap. Then I suddenly realised I had no way of knowing that I would be his widow should I marry him.  
  
"I do not want to be Lady of Gondor, Boromir. I am quite content being Lady Jané."  
  
"What better marriage could you find?" he asked me, irritated. "A court lady married to her prince! It would be miles above your station, and any expectation you could expect to have!" I had a strange feeling then, that made me uncomfortable, but I ignored it.  
  
"For your information, Boromir, it would be like a court lady married to her son, and I'm sure no one approves of that!" I snapped. "And for another thing, I am not simply a court lady. My station, unknown as it is to many, including yourself, is far above that of both yourself and your father! So if I did indeed marry you, which I wont, by the way, I would be marrying below my station, and it would be you who are marrying far above your station, and any expectations you could expect to have! So you have my answer, Prince Boromir. I shall not marry you." I turned on my heel and stalked back into the citadel, furious at both him for making me lose my temper in a way I hadn't since I left Rivendell, and at myself for losing it. I stalked past Deiran, and he grabbed my arm and I shook him off furiously.  
  
"My lady." He said courteously, but his eyes were wary of me.  
  
"Lord Deiran." I said politely, struggling to keep my voice under control despite being so furious at Boromir I could barely breathe. "Would you please tell Prince Legolas that I would be honoured to travel with the Mirkwood party north until we pass the White Mountains, where I shall head West for Edoras."  
  
"My lady, are you sure?" he asked me.  
  
"I am positive." I answered with a small smile. "My continued presence here would cause problems."  
  
"Would you like to talk about it?" he asked me. I did want to vent my rage on somebody, but I did not think Deiran was the right somebody. Maybe later.  
  
"Not at the moment." I said gently. "But I would truly appreciate it if you could tell Legolas."  
  
"I shall, my lady." He said, then he turned and walked away.  
  
In my room, I began hastily packing bags. I wanted to talk to Faramir and explain my sudden departure. I wasn't sure he'd understand, but I figured at least he wouldn't ask me to marry him, as he still called me Auntie Jané in moments of weakness.  
  
There was a knock on the door.  
  
"Who is it?" I asked. I really did not want to speak to any male at the moment, I was likely to slap them at the slightest mistake.  
  
"Lady Freya." Came the answer. I unlocked the door and showed her in, locking the door behind her. She saw my packing.  
  
"You are leaving?" she asked me. She had a truly beautiful voice, when she was speaking and when she was singing.  
  
"I am. I leave with the elves in the morning."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"My time her is over. What is it you wanted?" I asked.  
  
"If you are busy, I shall return." She said, heading for the door.  
  
"No, no." I said hastily. "Please sit. How can I help?"  
  
"Well, I don't know if you know it, you seemed completely oblivious to it before, but Boromir is in love with you." I grimaced.  
  
"I know. He told me earlier today, when he asked me to marry him."  
  
"Are you?"  
  
"No. I doubt I shall marry at all, and if I do, it will not be to someone I regard as my son." I smiled at her and I smiled in return.  
  
"I am almost relieved." She said. I touched her shoulder.  
  
"I know you love him, and I am sorry that it happened this way, that he loved someone who could not love him back the way he so desires."  
  
"This is why you are leaving?" she asked.  
  
"It is. If I stay, Boromir will take his case to his father, who will try to force me to bow to the wishes of his favourite son. And with the whole city behind him, I would have no choice. So I am leaving."  
  
"What of Faramir?" she asked.  
  
"He is well on the way to recovery." I said with a smile. "I have left instructions on that paper, there." I pointed. "I hope to speak with him myself later, to explain personally why I am leaving him now."  
  
"I shall care for him, if it makes you feel better." She offered. I grinned.  
  
"It would make me feel much better." I said, closing the saddlebags and fastening them tightly. "And if you could contact me when he is better? I am at Rohan, and many of the messenger pigeons know the way." She nodded.  
  
"I shall."  
  
"Good. Now I shall go speak to Faramir."  
  
I did not meet anyone on my way to or from Faramir's room, for which I was grateful. Faramir understood, as I thought he would; though he took it far less seriously than I thought he would, saying Boromir would be over me soon enough, and so I could return, but he agreed I should leave now. I was glad that at least some people in this city were thinking rationally. 


	9. The consequences of our loves

We set out early the following morning, and as I looked over my shoulder, I saw the White Tower of Gondor shining in the morning sun, and I was suddenly glad I had gotten away, and I felt, somehow, that I had escaped a trap that had been carefully set. The thought made me shudder.  
  
Legolas watched me very carefully for the first morning, quite aware that I had been in a major dispute with both Boromir and his father, although he didn't know what it was. I avoided him, talking to Deiran about my life at Edoras, which he seemed to find fascinating, and looking around me at the scenery, because it seemed every time I passed through this part of the world, I was in a huge hurry.  
  
This time, though, that was not the case. In fact, I'm sure that Legolas went even slower than necessary, and as he set the pace, so did everyone else.  
  
He caught up with me and very obviously excused me from Deiran's presence, the better to talk with him. Deiran and I exchanged amused glances at the prince's unusual lack of subtlety, but then I was too busy trying to answer Legolas to do anything else.  
  
"Why did you leave Gondor so suddenly?" He asked me. His abruptness and forwardness surprised me, used to the much more subtle and conniving side of Legolas.  
  
"I- Legolas, since when did you become so forward?" I demanded, half annoyed.  
  
"Since I saw the looks the elder prince was sending in your direction. What did you do, reject his marriage proposal?" I only raised an eyebrow, sure that he must have heard the whole exchange with Boromir, so there was no point in telling him. Legolas looked at me and laughed.  
  
"You did! No wonder he looked like he had been sucking lemons!" I frowned.  
  
"You mean you didn't hear us? I thought the whole city had!"  
  
"Well, if you will choose the top citadel." The head of the Mirkwood guard, who I learnt was called Calren, rode past us.  
  
"The top citadel?" Legolas looked like he was quite enjoying himself, though whether it was because of my discomfiture, my rejection or Boromir's embarrassment, I didn't know.  
  
"There's no need for you to be quite so amused by all this." I sniffed.  
  
"The Prince of Gondor, asking the Queen of Anorondor to marry him!" Legolas looked like he might be considering hysterics.  
  
"If you don't shut up right now I'm going to talk to Calren and Deiran for the rest of the journey, and you'll be bereft of my company." I threatened. After a few more giggles, (giggles from the Prince of Mirkwood!) he shut up.  
  
"You're too kind." I sneered. Legolas bowed from his saddle.  
  
That night Legolas and I lay side by side on the ground, staring at the blue velvet sky and Legolas was attempting to teach me the names of the stars local to the east of the continent. I was having trouble focusing on the stars rather than Legolas, who looked amazing in the dim light of stars and crescent moon.  
  
"Are you listening?" he asked me, turning his head on its side to face me, his blue eyes dark in the shadow.  
  
"No." I answered with a smile. Legolas chuckled, and turned on his side.  
  
"Stars don't interest you?" he asked.  
  
"Not as much as they seem to interest you." I shot back. "I'm just finding it hard to concentrate, is all." Legolas grinned slyly, never one to let modesty get in the way of reasoning. He poked me in the stomach and I curled up, giggling. He had discovered exactly how and where I was ticklish long ago on one of his visits to Rivendell, after my traitor brother held me down and showed Legolas. As Legolas was still reeling from bathtub full of tadpoles, he had gladly tickled me until I nearly fainted from laughter.  
  
"Don't you dare." I said quietly, curled up.  
  
"I wouldn't." Legolas pulled me towards him and I slowly uncurled, fitting my body to his and resting my head against his chest. He wrapped his arms around me, and it was only when he held on a little too tight did I realised exactly what I was doing.  
  
"Legolas, don't you-" I shrieked and he tickled me, but I couldn't move, and he had artfully tangled us up so that he could move sufficiently to tickle me, but I couldn't move at all, except to shriek and laugh.  
  
"Jané, shush!" he berated me, still tickling.  
  
"You..." I ran out of words I could call him before I'd even opened my mouth, and he grinned, and stopped tickling me.  
  
"Had enough?" he asked, propped over me on his elbows. I could practically feel his heartbeat we were so close. I nodded. He grinned.  
  
"You're awful." I complained. He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and kissed my temple.  
  
"But you love me anyway." He said with as much of a shrug as he could manage from the position he was in. I rolled my eyes, and he leant down and pressed a gentle kiss on my lips.  
  
"I don't want you to leave." He said softly, his blue eyes meeting my green.  
  
"You know I have to." I answered. His face set in stubborn lines.  
  
"You could stay with me." He said.  
  
"No, love, I cant. You know that." Legolas frowned at me. "You would have me abandon Kera, and Éowyn and Eomer and Theodred?" Legolas rolled off me and lay beside me, my hand tightly clasped in his.  
  
"Sometimes I wished that time would not exist." He said finally. "That we might stay here forever."  
  
"But would you not miss the changing of the seasons?" I asked gently. "The wheeling of the stars across the sky?" I turned my head to look at him, and he met my gaze.  
  
"I'd have you forever." He whispered. I smiled. "And I'd give up seasons and stars for that."  
  
"I pray you'll never have to." I said quietly.  
  
Four days later I left the group and headed west to Edoras. My thoughts, as I'm sure he intended, were consumed by Legolas. He was like a drug, and the moment I'd gotten myself off him, I saw him again and I didn't think I could let him go. A good part of me wanted to continue with him onto Mirkwood, and not look back. But I was a Queen, and a queen cant do that. For someone who's meant to have a lot of power, a queen ends up being pretty helpless when its something that means much to her.  
  
I arrived after three days at Edoras, and I was given a warm welcome as Éowyn and Kera flew down the front steps and swamped me in hugs and joyful cries. I hadn't realised how much I had missed them both, and I wondered at how I could have considered going with Legolas and not coming back.  
  
I returned to my station as lady of the Hall, but I had traveler's illness, and I wanted to be off again, riding as I had done before I had settled down for the last eight years. But I suppressed it, as Éowyn really needed taming enough to become both the beautiful lady of Meduseld, and the striking warrior princess she aspired to be. In the process, I had the task of taming Kera, who would be Steward of Mordor, and I'm not sure which one aged me most. I grew up in Rohan and it changed me, more than I could possibly imagine.  
  
"Where have they gone?" I demanded of a servant. Ela, the servant, spread her hands imploringly.  
  
"I told you, my lady. I don't know. They simply said they were going for a walk, and I haven't seen them since." I stamped my foot in annoyance, and smiled at Ela.  
  
"I know it isn't your fault." I said with an apologetic smile. "Keeping track of those two is like trying to keep track of two cockroaches given free reign around a rather large building." Ela looked rather taken aback by my unorthodox description and I smiled and left, heading for the guard towers.  
  
"THEY WHAT!" I yelled. I was doing too much of that.  
  
"I thought I saw them disappear into the forest." The other guard said. He looked confused as to why this was a problem.  
  
"Do you never leave this place?" I demanded furiously. "Have you not heard the name of said forest, the name that starts with F and ends in angorn?" I rolled my eyes as he looked totally clueless. "That forest is Fangorn forest you addlebrained fool, and the niece of your king and a future steward have just gone in it!" I huffed and spun, running down the stairs and calling for Enya to be saddled. Ten minutes later, I sat on Enya, my gray velvet cloak with the red embroidered trees wrapped tightly around me as Enya cantered across the plains of Rohan.  
  
As I approached the border of the forest she slowed to a walk and stamped her foot. I slid off her. "I know." I said, peering into the dark forest. "I don't like it either." I swung myself back onto the saddle, and settled the big silver cloak around me, then entered the forest.  
  
The trees were oppressive, all around me, closing in...I felt claustrophobic.  
I suddenly wished Legolas was next to me, not that that was anything new, but I dearly craved his humour and his knowledge about trees that comes with being an elf.  
  
I listened closely for any sound of the girls, but all was silent. Literally. Apart from the sound of Enya and myself, there was no other noise.  
  
Enya picked her way along narrow paths, never stumbling. I let the reins be loose in my hands, allowing her to choose her own way. In a forest this dense, one way was as good as another, and I didn't know my way, so I let Enya find her own.  
  
"My lady. It is good to see you again." I looked behind me, and saw the white wizard, Saruman. I nodded.  
  
"The two girls you are after are with a friend. Does that comfort you?" A knot of panic twisted in my stomach. "I see it does not. Please, my lady. I shall lead you to them, and you may bring them home with you." I nodded. I had always heard Saruman was the wisest and most trustworthy of the Istari, and I had no reason to distrust him other than Kera's feelings. I turned Enya around, and Saruman took the bridle.  
  
"The way is treacherous." He said softly. "I shall lead you." We had not gone two paces when there was a thud, and Enya reared, throwing me to the ground. Enya fled, and I saw the arrow sticking out from her rear haunch.  
  
"Saruman!" I cried. "Be wary."  
  
"For what, dear lady?" he asked. I spun to face him, and he smiled at me. Then something his me from behind, and I blacked out.  
  
I woke upon a great black bed, with black silk sheets. When I looked around, I could see the entire room was done in black, and I posed a striking difference in my pale yellow and sky blue dress. I walked to the window and pushed aside the great black curtains. I could see the great damn of the river Isen, and realised I was at Isengard. I ran to the door and tried to open it, but it was locked. I banged on it until my hands bled, and then I retreated to the bed, a great sick feeling in my stomach.  
  
I was there for two hours, by the sun's movement before it sank below the horizon, before the door opened. I quickly put the bed between and my visitor, until I saw the familiar blonde hair and concerned blue eyes.  
  
"Legolas!" I cried, not moving. "What are you-"  
  
"Shush." He held up a hand to quiet me. "Be still, love. It's alright."  
  
"But Saruman-"  
  
"Shush." He came round to my side of the bed and took my hands, but when I winced he frowned, and looked down.  
  
"What did you do?" He demanded.  
  
"Panicked." I said wryly. Legolas kissed my forehead.  
  
"Do not worry, my love. Everything will be alright." I smiled up at him and he kissed me softly on the lips, then again, more possessively. A thought ran around my mind but I was too idle and enjoying myself too much to bother to chase it.  
  
When he lay me back on the bed I just looked up at him, pale and beautiful above me. Then I reached up and he came to me, and I loved him more than anything. It seemed he loved me too, as he looked down on me, our bodies loving each other as our hearts did.  
  
But then his eyes changed, and the blue became hard and dark, no longer beautiful midnight but hard sapphire, and his body hurt me. He paid no attention to my protests as he moved above me, and when he came it was hard, and he collapsed over me. He rolled off me and fell asleep almost instantly.  
  
Tears welled in my eyes and I turned on my side until I faced the open window, where the dark sky was sprinkled with glittering diamond stars. I rose, taking the sheet with me about my bruised and mistreated body, and stood by the window, dressed only in the black silk as the cold wind from the mountains blew across my pale skin, raising goosebumps.  
  
I must have stood there for hours, for when I rose the moon was on the other side of the tower, but even as I stood the cold white light shone on my face. I turned back to the sleeping figure, and he turned to face me, his features in shadow. I moved slightly so the moonlight fell on his face, and even as I watched the face changed, making me clutch the sheet closer to my body.  
  
The man who now lay in my bed was still blonde haired, with high cheekbones, but his skin was darker, his hair more gold than white. I had slight comfort from the fact that it had not been Legolas who had so misused me, but I still felt sick and hurt. Even though I knew it had not been Legolas, my heart still rebelled against my mind, and when I moved back into the moonlight so that his face was in shadow, I could see his face change again, and then lying in the moonlight, eyes open and watching me, was Legolas.  
  
"My love, come back to bed." I shook my head, before I realised it was safer if I did not act as though I knew this Legolas was not the true Legolas.  
  
"In a moment." I said quietly, turning back to the window. He came up from behind me, staying out of the white light that poured through the window. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" I asked suddenly. "The moon. More lovely than the stars or anything else, though I still do not understand how stars do not interest you, as they do your brethren." I held my breath, wondering if he would take my bait, and how well Saruman had trained this man for whatever purpose he had.  
  
"I am one of the few who prefer the moon to the stars." He said quietly. My heart tightened, and I sighed. I noticed that my hands were gripping the sheet so tightly my knuckles were white, and I forcibly relaxed them, so that my tension did not give me away. He touched my shoulder, and I made myself stand still under his hands even though all I wanted to do was sidle away, and run all the way to Rivendell, where I could hide and cry.  
  
"Come back to bed, love." He said, and took my arm. I had no choice but to follow.  
  
Over the next few weeks of my captivity, he came to me many times, always in thee guise of Legolas. He was not always as rough with me as he had been the first time, and I finally identified the thought that had eluded me that first night: he hadn't smelt right. Similar, but not right. It made my stomach churn.  
  
After a while I stopped eating, feeling sick with both myself and my predicament. When my cycle failed to come with the waning of the moon, as it had done for fifty odd years, I locked my emotions tight inside me, where they wailed and screamed with despair.  
  
One morning I watched Saruman and the golden haired man ride out of the tower, and I quickly changed from the dresses I had been made to wear at Isengard to the yellow and blue dress I had arrived in. it was dirty and almost ragged, but I refused to take anything with me.  
  
I met no one as I managed to pick the lock after an hour of trying. I made my way down many stairs, feeling sick and weak. I had not eaten in days, maybe weeks. I had lost count.  
  
I stumbled across the courtyard, past the great oak trees. When I came to the gate, I strictly forbade myself to slump down and cry. It was pretty much open land from here to Edoras, and on foot I would be spotted and recaptured easily.  
  
Nevertheless, I started walking, and before long I heard the sound of hoof beats, and though inside I crumbled in defeat, I refused to stop moving or even to look behind me. It was only when a warm nose nuzzled my arm did I look up. Enya stood looking at me out of great brown eyes which seemed to hold sympathy, even though she was a horse. I smiled weakly and petted her nose. She sank to her knees and I literally crawled onto her, and she stood up again. She had lost all her tack, and I didn't know or care where.  
  
She traveled far and at good speed, though her gait seemed smoother than it should be. One evening she set me down, bending her knees and tilting a little so I slid off. I wanted to keep riding, but once on the floor, my knees gave way and I fell to the floor and was thoroughly sick. When I looked up, spitting bile out of my mouth, Enya nuzzled my neck, then stuck her nose into a prickly bush with purple flowers. She did not eat, although she met my eyes and pulled her nose out. I crawled over and touched the bush, trying to remember what it was. When it finally came to me, I stared at Enya in amazement. It was Endleweed, which, aside from being nearly impossible to get rid of once it took root in your garden, was an abortofactant. Enya just blinked at me and started grazing, as if to say, 'I found you the plant, now it's up to you.' I grinned, then started shredding the leaves, feeling more energetic than I had in weeks.  
  
I didn't really want to have a miscarriage while on horseback, but if I left it much longer either the plant wouldn't work, or it could kill both myself and the baby inside of me.  
  
The leaves tasted bitter and acrid in my mouth, and I struggled to swallow. By this point, it was nearly full dark, and Enya looked like she was asleep. I lay down on the nearest patch of softish grass, and fell asleep, curled up to fend off the cold.  
  
The next morning I felt no different, apart from the fact I was stiff. I clambered onto Enya who very patiently stood through my clumsiness, and then we were off. By midday I was feeling very, very ill, my stomach roiling and cramping, and eventually I slid off Enya and lay breathless on the ground, holding back the moans of pain from the tight cramps that seemed to be ripping my entire being apart. Enya stood over me, rather like a guard, and we stayed in that position well into the night, when I eventually passed into unconsciousness.  
  
I woke the next day around midmorning, and felt strangely empty. The ground around me seemed soaked with blood, and my skirts were wet with it. I both felt and looked disgusting. But I could tell the abortion had been a success.  
  
Enya was nowhere that I could see, and with land as flat as Rohan, I could see a long way. Grumbling softly to myself, I began the long walk towards Edoras, ignoring the feeling that I'd lost control of my bladder. I'd been unfortunate to have been lying on my skirts when I miscarried, and now I was paying the price.  
  
Evening came, and the whole land seemed to turn a silvery pink colour as the last rays of the sun mixed with the first rays of velvet night the sound of many horses slowly became louder, and I resigned myself to being caught. The chances of it being Rohan seemed very slim, as they almost assuredly assumed me dead, and Isengard probably wanted me back.  
  
The idea that neither Éowyn nor Kera had made it back made me nearly cry, but I angrily brushed the tears away. Tears could be shed later. The sound of hoofbeats grew louder, until a small group of horses came over the rise and sped towards me.  
  
It was only when they grew closer that I realised it really was the Rohirrim, and that Rohan, not Isengard, had found me.  
  
The horses surrounded me, and I simply stood and stared up at the four men so familiar to me. Théodan, Théodred, Éomer and most important of all, Aragorn, all sat on horses before me. Then Aragorn swung down and wrapped me in a tight hug, kissing my hair and murmuring how he'd never let me out of his sight again. Then Théodan hugged me also, and Éomer, though Théodred did not. I knew him well though, and I rested my hand on his shoulder after he dismounted.  
  
"I am glad to see you." I said softly. He nodded once, then swiftly embraced me. I smiled.  
  
"What happened?" Aragorn asked, his gaze fixed to my blood soaked skirts. Tears sprang to my eyes, and his gaze narrowed.  
  
"Not now." I said very softly. He nodded once, then sat me up onto his horse, and then swung up behind me. The king and his son and nephew mounted as well, and the entire company rode back at a canter to Edoras, at which point I blacked out again.  
  
I woke up in my room at Edoras, and Aragorn sat beside me, watching me even as I woke. I felt clean for the first time in months, and knew that someone had taken it upon themselves to clean me up, for which I was very grateful.  
  
Aragorn and I just looked at each other for a long while, before I sighed and closed me eyes again, knowing exactly what it was that Aragorn wanted me to tell him, and really wishing I didn't have to.  
  
"I'll send for Legolas if you don't." Aragorn said eventually. "he always did know how to get information out of you better than I did." My eyes flew open.  
  
"No!" I exclaimed, sitting bolt upright in bed. The covers fell to my waist, leaving me in a thin white nightgown through which a cold draft made me shiver. Aragorn took my hand.  
  
"What happened?" he almost snarled. I glanced at him, startled at his tone of voice, and suddenly realised how it had looked. He had retrieved his little sister that had been covered in blood and panicked at the name of the man she supposedly loved.  
  
"I'm sorry." I whispered. He moved from the chair by the bed to the bed itself, sitting in front of me and taking my face in his hands.  
  
"Do you trust me?" he asked me quietly in elvish. I nodded. "Then tell me."  
  
So I did. I told him all, how I had set off after Éowyn and Kera and had lost them in the forest. How I had found Saruman, and was attacked, and awoke in Isengard, where a man as Legolas came to me. I did not go into detail at this point, but Aragorn knew. If not only from the way I found it difficult to tell but from the blood also on my skirts.  
  
He sat silent and listened all the way through. That was one of the wonderful things about Aragorn – he was a marvelous listener. When I had finished his hand squeezed mine.  
  
"Again we see the worth in our little queen." He said softly. He gently pushed me back onto the bed and tucked the covers up around my chin. "you did well, my little sister, the best you could have done." He smiled. "And Kera and Éowyn returned that evening, with no knowledge of the trouble they've caused." He kissed me on the forehead and stood. "Sleep, little one. You deserve it." Then he left, shutting the door behind him, and I fell asleep.  
  
I awoke to a whispered argument.  
  
"We should wait till she wakes up!"  
  
"That could be for hours! Do you really want to sit here for hours?"  
  
"We should." Said one doubtfully.  
  
I opened one eye, and saw Éowyn and Kera sitting by the bed, heads together as they argued in whispers.  
  
"but Aragorn said we shouldn't." Kera said.  
  
"I can't believe he left before I got to meet him." Éowyn complained. I was a bit disappointed that he had left myself, although I was glad he had come in the first place.  
  
"Sh! You'll wake her!" Kera scolded.  
  
"She's already awake." Éowyn said triumphantly, finally catching sight of me watching her. Kera spun, almost falling off her chair.  
  
"Jané!" she said delightedly. She touched my cheek gently. "How are you?"  
  
"Better, thank you" I said with a small smile. Éowyn smiled.  
  
"We were so worried when Enya returned without you! We heard, of course, that you had gone after us. But we expected you to return also when you did not find us, not stay away for months."  
  
"It was not my decision to stay so long." I said quietly.  
  
Kera stroked my cheek softly, and a tear traveled down her face. "I am so terribly sorry." She whispered. "I am sorry I was the cause of this, your grace." It was the first time she had used a formal title to me, and it surprised me. I brushed the tear away with a finger, and she bowed her head at my touch. I rose half out of the bed and kissed her forehead.  
  
"You could not have known." I murmured, using the old language of Mordor. Éowyn looked very confused, well as she might, but this did not include her. I could feel the despair radiating off Kera – all her life she had known she would be steward of Mordor, and she had spent her albeit small lifetime training to fill that position, and yet and she sent her queen into danger that had nearly cost me everything.  
  
"Peace, steward." I murmured, still in Mordor. "I lay no blame at your feet."  
  
"I lay it at mine own." She answered, her voice slightly shocked at the formal use of her title, which I had never used before.  
  
"Then stop. It is a lesson taught and a lesson learned. Let it be." She nodded.  
  
"Excuse me?" Éowyn put in. we turned to her. "I don't want to seem rude, but can we all talk in a language I understand? It's very confusing when you don't." I smiled, and held my hand out to her. She took it.  
  
"We're so sorry." She whispered, suddenly looking older than her mere seventeen. "We don't know how to show it."  
  
"I know you're sorry." I replied. "And you need not show it any way, since I can see it in your eyes."  
  
"They have been truly repentant." Théodan said from the door. "I have never seen either behave so well in all the ten years they have been together."  
  
"And I cast no blame at either. They could not have known the consequences of their actions." I answered. Théodan nodded, seemingly satisfied. He came towards the bedside, and both younger girls moved out the way.  
  
"You are well?" he asked.  
  
"Well enough for my sleep." I answered. Théodan chuckled.  
  
"Indeed, as you slept without waking for three days. Your brother intended to stay until you woke, but was forced to leave yesterday morning." I nodded. The two girls slipped out of the door, closing it behind them. I watched them go.  
  
"They were frantic when you did not return." He said. "They would have ridden out themselves but for Théodred and Éomer holding them back. You are very dear to them." I smiled.  
  
"It is good to know that they hold me dear, in their hearts if not their minds." I replied. Théodan grinned, the carefree grin of the man he might have been had he not been king. He was sixty-six now, but still looked and acted half his age. I was beginning to feel my seventy-five years now, and while some were beginning to feel death closing her hands on them at my age, I was beginning to feel as though death and turned her head from me.  
  
"We all hold you dear." He said. "Without you, Éowyn would have been brought up by a multitude of men, and I do not think that would have done much for her ladylike behaviour."  
  
"I've not done much for her ladylike behaviour, either." I answered. Théodan shook his head.  
  
"You've done much for it, although she rarely uses it."  
  
I shrugged, but said nothing. Théodan looked at me and sighed. "Soon, then?" he asked me. I nodded.  
  
"As soon as I am well enough to travel again. Maybe a little later, so Éowyn doesn't find the responsibility for the entire household dropped on her head."  
  
"We shall miss you."  
  
"Don't be absurd." I said. "You wont. I wont be gone three days before you've forgotten my name."  
  
"Nay, and you know it. We'll remember you for centuries."  
  
"As the girl who took over meddled when the lady died and brought up her two children and nephew."  
  
"As the woman who changed Rohan for the better."  
  
"And you will be known as the king who flattered her." I retorted. Théodan laughed, and patted me on the shoulder.  
  
"Indeed, milady. Indeed." 


	10. All but love

Two weeks later I watched as Éowyn and Kera gave each other teary farewells, and truly regretted separating them. I had never really had a best friend in my youth, too busy trying to fend off Aragorn and him.  
  
It was ridiculous. Any mention of Legolas made a shiver run down my spine, but there was no reason for it! I know it was not him that raped me the first night, and that it was not him that took me every night for nearly two months following that.  
  
I was brought back to the present when Théodan laid his hand on my arm.  
  
"Do not dwell on it." He said softly. "Let it pass."  
  
"I think it will haunt me for a long time." I replied in a whisper.  
  
"Then have my blessings." He said. He handed me a gold ring, and I nearly dropped it in surprise. It had been Lorilei's and before that, Théodan and Lorelei's mother's.  
  
"But this is for Éowyn!" I exclaimed.  
  
"No. Lorilei told me once to give it to you, as a sign between two kingdoms. I never understood that, but I promised to abide by her wish." I pulled a ring off my own finger. It was a gold one that I had made myself, when I had entertained an interest in jewelry making. It was plain gold, with a simple sun engraving. I handed it to Théodan.  
  
"As a sign between two kingdoms." I said softly. Théodan looked at the engraving and frowned. Then he looked at my necklace, the sun pendant that hung from my neck as always,  
  
"Would you not tell me your kingdom, then, my lady?" he asked with a bow.  
  
"Not if it means two friends become two ambassadors." I answered, raising him from his bow. He smiled.  
  
"I hope not."  
  
"My kingdom was...is Anorondor, which is known more commonly now as Mordor." Théodan nodded, not very surprised.  
  
"Yes, yes. I understand now." I raised an eyebrow. "There was a story, once, about a great lady who came among us, much as you did. She called herself Brial, and it is said that she was great friends with the Lady of Rohan at the time. But she lived an uncommonly long time, still young when all around her died. And a great sadness was around her, until one day she walked into Fangorn Forest, where it is said she passed, though the only thing people are sure of is that never again did Rohan see her."  
  
"I have a great-grandmother many times over that was called Brial before she died. She too, should have been queen."  
  
"You have only to call for Rohan's aid, Queen Eldira Jané, and you will have it."  
  
"And you shall have any aid we might give you." I said as Kera came to stand beside me. I looked at her and she nodded. Then I hugged Théodan.  
  
"You have been a great friend." I said fiercely. "I shall miss you."  
  
"And I you. I hope our paths cross again." He said. Then he released me and stepped back. "Farewell, and may the sun always shine on your face." I smiled at that, and Kera looked startled, then she curtsied deeply. I slipped the small gold ring on my finger where the ring I had given Théodan had been , and it fitted perfectly.  
  
"Farewell, also, King Théodan of Rohan." I said, mounting Enya. Kera mounted her own horse, Alai, and we trotted out of Edoras. When I looked back, I saw four figures on the veranda in front of Meddled, and then I turned my attention north.  
  
We planned to travel north along the Misty Mountains, past Fangorn, Lorien and Mirkwood, up to the pass in the mountains where the Old Forest Road met the mountains. Once through the mountains, we would come out on the Great East Road, which led straight to Rivendell, where I planned on taking a rest from travelling, and also from remembering. I didn't care that I was running from my fears, only that I got away from them.  
  
Along the journey, Kera asked what had actually happened. I told her. She was twenty-three now, and I could no longer protect her as I had done when she was a young child.  
  
She was silent for a long time after I told her, and together we made good progress travelling north and following the Anduin. The further north we got, the colder it became, until we rode always with our hoods up and our cloaks wrapped around us.  
  
The cloaks had been a gift from Éowyn, who had made them for us in secret, without even Kera knowing. The work was beautiful, and very well done. My cloak was navy blue with a red tree pattern along the front panels, while Kera's was green, with gold leaves embroidered up the front panels. They were made from thick velvet lined with thicker wool, and were very heavy, although they were incredibly warm, and kept all the wind and rain out.  
  
At Dol Guldur we were forced to leave the path and enter Mirkwood because of a great blockage in the road. From the moment Enya's foot stepped into Mirkwood proper, I waited for Calren to find us. I knew it would not take long, as we had been watched since we started along the part of the path that passed closely to Mirkwood.  
  
Calren did not disappoint, and we had barely passed the blockage when we were surrounded by Mirkwood elves.  
  
"Ama." Kera whispered. It meant mother in elvish, but I knew she was not referring to me or even to her real mother, but to the Lady Goddess. The Elves did not realise this.  
  
"Strangers, why do you travel in Mirkwood?" Calren asked. I raised my head and pushed back my hood.  
  
"Because there is a blockage on the road, Calren." I answered. "Do you think I like giving you opportunities to bring me in?" he laughed.  
  
"Wonderful to see you too, my lady Jané." He said with a laugh. "And this is your daughter?"  
  
"This is the lady Kera." I said. She pushed her hood back also.  
  
"Well?" he asked. "Do you have a reason, or must I bring you in?"  
  
"I told you." I said tiredly. "There is a blockage on the road, and if you had cleared it, we would not have ventured into your territory."  
  
"Which is what you say every time." Calren grinned. "But since you are in Mirkwood, let me extend our courtesy to you. It grows dark much faster in these woods – stay in our camp this night. I doubt Legolas would hear excuses if he discovered you died soon after leaving my company."  
  
"Cheerful, isn't he?" Kera asked me quietly.  
  
"it's the way he is." I answered with a grin, fully aware that he could hear us. "We will take you up on that offer." I said to Calren. "I would rather not meet my end in Mirkwood, of all the places of Middle Earth. Calren shrugged.  
  
"We would be glad to have you."  
  
The camp was a cheerful place, with singing and laughter. Kera and I joined in readily, and it seemed the elves got much amusement from us, though whether it was all from us or at us, I didn't know.  
  
Early the following morning, I was readying Enya to travel on when someone touched me on the shoulder. I turned, and when I saw who it was, I gasped and took a step backwards.  
  
Legolas looked confused, but he didn't say anything, except "My Lady."  
  
"Legolas!" I said quietly. "When did you arrive?"  
  
"Late in the night. We saw Calren's fire and joined him." I nodded, then turned back to Enya.  
  
"Jané!" I turned to see Kera running towards us. "I just heard Legolas is here! Are we...oh." She saw Legolas and looked back and forwards between us before sinking into a curtsey. "My lord." She said. Legolas strode over and raised her.  
  
"My lady. Welcome to Mirkwood." Kera smiled, but glanced at me worriedly.  
  
"thank you, my lord. Though I believe we'll be leaving you all too soon. We are anxious to return to Rivendell." Legolas frowned.  
  
"Taking the north path? You cant, not now. It'll be blocked from now until spring. All of them are." It was my turn to frown, annoyed at myself for not thinking of that. "You could alternatively go south, through the Gap of Rohan." Legolas said.  
  
"No!" I cried before I could stop myself. Kera grabbed my hand and held on. Both my hands were shaking, something that had never happened before. Legolas, being the observant elf he is, noticed.  
  
"What is wrong?" Legolas asked, grasping my hand in his own. The moment he touched me, I remembered how he had felt at Isengard, although it had only been another man disguised as Legolas. I snatched my hand back and stepped away, my eyes wide. Kera quickly stood between us.  
  
"No, my lord." She said quickly in elvish. "Jané has had a very...trying time of late. None of which was your fault, but it involved you and she is still...recovering." Legolas frowned, confused.  
  
"Very well." He said coldly. Then he turned and left. I promptly burst into tears, and Kera wrapped her arms around me, watching Legolas leave.  
  
"Is she unwell?" a familiar voice sounded to my left, and I raised my head.  
  
"Coping." I answered. Deiran narrowed his eyes and wiped away my tears. He looked over to where Legolas stood, talking with Calren, clearly about me, and then looked back to me. It suddenly struck me that Deiran could hear all that Legolas was saying to Calren, and I frowned, pulling away from Kera.  
  
"My lady," Deiran began, "I would like to offer the hospitality of Mirkwood to you, if you are so opposed to the Gap of Rohan." Kera glanced at me.  
  
"We would be honoured." Kera said. Deiran looked at me and I nodded with a sniff.  
  
"Very well. Lady Jané, Lady Kera, I hope to speak with you later." He said with a bow. Then he joined Legolas, had a few words, and then disappeared into the forest.  
  
We arrived at the palace of Mirkwood two days later. I had calmed down somewhat, although I was uncomfortable around Legolas, and he did not speak to me more than was necessary. This hurt, but I knew I deserved it, and I also knew I might freak out again if he touched me. Isengard would not leave my thoughts, despite Kera's chattering as she desperately tried to help me forget. Eventually I just touched her shoulder and told her to stop, as I was sure she was driving the elves crazy, and it wasn't helping me anyway. She looked saddened that she had been able to do nothing to help me, but she was quiet after that. That night she told me that she still blamed herself for it, and the fact that she could not help me made her feel worse. I could say nothing to make her feel better without lying to her, and I had never lied to her before and did not intend on starting then  
  
We had not been long at the palace when one afternoon Kera knocked on my door. I let her in, and she looked agitated, wringing her hands, and refusing to meet my eyes.  
  
"Kera, stop it!" I finally exclaimed. She was still. "What happened?"  
  
"I'm sorry." She said. She looked up at me and finally met my eyes, and I knew what she had done.  
  
"It is well, Kera." I said wearily. "he had to know, and I am glad it was not I who had to tell him. You told him all?"  
  
"Everything you told me. He got very angry, especially when I said what he, or rather the other man, had done. He scared me."  
  
"He is frightening when he is angry." I agreed. "He is an elf, and it is so easy to forget since they look so like we do. But now and again..."  
  
"They remind you what they truly are." Kera finished. I nodded.  
  
"It's alright, Kera. Like I said, he had to know, and I am glad I did not have to tell him, although I am sorry that burden fell to you." Kera shrugged.  
  
"It is well. I am glad I could have done something. I feel so helpless when you..." I hugged her.  
  
"I know you do, and I'm sorry." Kera grinned.  
  
"Cheer up." She said, in a startling change of subject. "The library has books on Mordor I've never seen before." I pushed her towards the door.  
  
"Enjoy." She left with a grin and a wave, and I pulled my dark blue cloak on, and went out to the gardens.  
  
I trailed my hands across the leaves, feeling the different textures under my fingers. The light was fading, and now the gardens were tinted in shades of rose pink and gray.  
  
"Watch your hands on the spined edula." Legolas said. I spun, and he stepped out of the shadow of a willow. I turned back to the plant in question and touched the end of one of the spines. It touched my finger and drew blood.  
  
"They are sharp." I said.  
  
"It would've torn your hand to shreds had you trailed it through that." I nodded.  
  
"Thank you for stopping me." Legolas walked down the slight hill to stand next to me. He stared down at the spiny plant.  
  
"Why did you not tell me?" he asked me suddenly, looking at me. I met his gaze and forced myself not to flinch, refusing to let myself remember the way his eyes had looked that one night. He seemed to see my struggle and looked away. "You cannot even look at me without flinching." He said bitterly. I forced myself to touch his arm. He looked at me sharply.  
  
"I know it was not you." I said quietly. "I know. And yet..."  
  
"You fear me." I looked down at the grass. Legolas turned so he faced me. He held out his hand. I looked at it, then at him. "Take it." He whispered. My mind told me to stop being silly, but my entire soul quivered and went cold. I slowly reached out my hand and laid it in his.  
  
His hand was different from that of the Legolas of Isengard. His hands were cooler, and harder. His skin was callused differently, I suddenly realised. The Legolas of Isengard had hands callused the way Aragorn's were: by sword. This hand had been callused by the bow, not a sword.  
  
I raised my eyes from our hands to his face, where he was watching me intently.  
  
"I would never, ever, hurt you." He whispered. "Never." I closed my eyes, but tears still sprung from underneath them and trickled down my cheeks. Legolas did nothing, only stood there, my hand on top on his, and waited. When I opened my eyes he held out his other hand, and I laid my other hand on top of his, and this time he curled his fingers around it loosely, gently holding my hand.  
  
"I told you once, a long time ago, that you could trust me, and that I wouldn't hurt you." He said softly. I remembered it well – I had woken from a nightmare in which all who I loved had turned against me, I think I was twelve at the time, just before I had left to go to Denarssa, and it was Legolas who had woken me. He had hugged me and made me tell him my dream, and then he had promised that I could always trust him and that he would never hurt me. That had held true for many things, throughout the time I had known him. "I meant it then, and it holds true now, melamin." The use of the endearment startled me, and my gaze flew to his face, searching. His hands tightened slightly on my own, and he took a step forward. I took a step back without thinking, and immediately regretted it. "Peace, little one." He said to me, his blue eyes holding mine. Then he let go of my hands and disappeared back towards the palace, leaving me in the gardens feeling undeniably stupid.  
  
Winter solstice passed, and then Imbolc. Snow still fell heavily on the mountains, and the passes were still completely blocked. Legolas spent a lot of time allowing me to get used to him, and I imagine it was very trying work, as some days I was forward and easy with him, and other days I had only to look at him and I would be terrified. Legolas took this all in good humour, and with an amazing amount of patience.  
  
One day I was sat in one of the many solars, the winter sunshine streaming through the tall windows, and a roaring fire warming the room. It was a lovely room, done in warm green and gold, with thick carpets and comfortable chairs. I had gone there to read, as the gardens were now much to cold. I had found a book on Mordor I had not read, and it talked about much I did not know. It was by one of the Queens, who had found her way here. Her name was Dernin, and she had been Brial's daughter.  
  
It spoke of something called Melaendal, which translated loosely into common to mean 'love-curse'. Kera had actually found out about it first, and told me to read about it.  
  
It seemed to happen every time a Queen fell in love. She would fall into madness, and would be forced to choose between her love and her sanity. To choose sanity meant she would forget all about her love for a person, and so they would become no more than an acquaintance. To choose love meant that the Queen would go insane. No Queen had ever chosen love, because you could not rule a country or bring up and heir if you were insane. I wondered at how many lovers were left rejected by a Queen who had loved them until she fell ill.  
  
"Why the dark thoughts?" Legolas' voice startled me out of my reverie.  
  
"Oh, nothing." I said with a smile. "I was just reading about something called Melaendal, that seems to afflict all the Queens when they fall in love." Legolas' face went blank.  
  
"Love-curse. We know of that. One of our own was a victim of a Queen's choice."  
  
"He faded." I said simply. Legolas nodded. I suddenly realised that was what he saw as his fate, provided I still loved him. "Legolas..."  
  
"Don't, Jané." Legolas said abruptly. I fell silent.  
  
"I would make a different choice, I think." I said slowly after a while. "Perhaps I am not as brave...as the others." Legolas turned away from me.  
  
"You know you would choose sanity." He said harshly. "It is what you have been brought up to do. You have no choice."  
  
"I thought the whole point of the curse was that you could choose." I answered. He turned to face me, and his features were drawn and cold, the blank mask that I feared above all else.  
  
"Truly? Be reasonable, Jané. You have no choice. Since you have no heir, you must choose sanity. Even if it means forsaking..."  
  
"You?" I asked softly. Legolas glared at me.  
  
"I have other business to attend to." He said, standing quickly and striding to the door. Just as he left I made my choice.  
  
"I choose love." The door shut with a slam.  
  
A few days later I met Legolas in the gardens. The snow was hard underfoot, and I had taken the opportunity of the nice day to get out of the palace, which had always made me feel confined. I spotted Legolas walking across the garden, and scooping up a handful of snow, I flung the snowball at him. It hit him in the shoulder and he spun, looking around. I was the only other in the garden, and his gaze fixed on me. I then flung the second snowball I had been hiding behind my back. It hit him square in the face. He spluttered, his pale skin tinged pink. Then he scooped up his own handful of snow and I ran. He caught me up easily, the snowball hitting my shoulder. He grabbed my shoulder and spun me around, and I looked up innocently at his wet face, giggling under my breath. He raised an eyebrow.  
  
"I'm not quite sure what you find so funny." He said haughtily. I pressed my lips together to stop my laughter, but it didn't work very well. Soon he, too, was laughing, right before he pressed a handful of snow into my face. When he pulled his hand away, I simply stared, too shocked to do anything else. Then he leant down and kissed me.  
  
Memories of Isengard flashed through my mind, as they always did when he touched me, but I pushed them away firmly, putting my hands on his shoulders and rising onto my tiptoes. His hands went around my waist under my thick cloak, drawing me closer to him. Then he pulled away.  
  
"I'm sorry." He said. I shook my head.  
  
"It's alright." I took his hand and began to lead him up to the palace. He followed me obediently.  
  
We came to my room, and I pulled him in and shut the door.. then I kissed him. His hands went around my waist, and my fingers worked at undoing the ties of his shirt. I had them undone and then I kissed his throat. He moved away.  
  
"No, Jané." He said, stepping back and retying his shirt. He kissed my forehead and was gone before I could say anything. I flopped back on the bed.  
  
I felt like a royal idiot, and I was a bit pissed off. I can't believe he said no! I stayed in my rooms for the rest of the evening, missing dinner, and Kera came to see me soon afterwards.  
  
"You alright?" she asked me, slipping into the room. I nodded.  
  
"And I'm a sheep's mother." She snapped sarcastically. "Why don't you tell me what's wrong?" so I told her, and when I had finished, she sat down on the bed next to me and started laughing.  
  
"If you're going to laugh and me, you can leave and do it elsewhere." I snarled. She paused in her laughter.  
  
"I'm not laughing at you...well, I am, but I'm laughing at the entire situation. By rejecting you, he's proved the one thing you couldn't – that the Legolas at Isengard really was a fake! Somehow I doubt that he would have rejected you." She had a point. "Anyway. I have to go, I'm busy...elsewhere." She rose, but I grabbed her wrist.  
  
"Where elsewhere?" I asked mischievously.  
  
"Nowhere elsewhere." She replied. I nodded seriously.  
  
"Yes, I believe you. And I'm a sheep's mother. Now tell."  
  
"I've met...a guy...and he's very nice." I nodded.  
  
"What about Éomer?"  
  
"We were more close friends than we were anything else. We tried, and it didn't work, so we decided to be friends."  
  
"Very wise. So what's his name?"  
  
"Andir. He's blonde, blue-eyed..." she realised how ridiculous she sounded. "And very nice." She finished.  
  
"Indeed." I said with a grin. "Well, go have fun. And don't do anything I wouldn't."  
  
"Yes, Ama." She said sarcastically. She turned and grinned when she reached the door. "Don't be too hard on him. After all, he did prove his evil twin was fake, not that you didn't already know." I rolled my eyes.  
  
"Out!" she curtsied and left.  
  
Legolas avoided me for a week before I managed to catch up with him.  
  
"Legolas! Wait" I called, hitching up my skirts and running across the field to the other side where he paused, a hawk on one wrist.  
  
"Jané." He said, his eyes meeting mine. "How are you?"  
  
"Well, thank you. Look, I wanted to say thanks."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For stopping me from being an idiot, and for knocking some sense into me."  
  
"I don't understand." He said gravely.  
  
"When you...told me no," I began, "you proved the one thing I couldn't – that you were you and the other Legolas was fake."  
  
"So glad you came to that conclusion." Legolas said snappily, turning away. I grabbed his shoulder and made him face me again.  
  
"I'm not done. I just wanted to say thanks, and that I love you." I kissed him on the lips and turned away. This time he grabbed my shoulders and spun me back, kissing me hard. When he finally drew back for air, I smiled.  
  
"So. How are you?" I asked. He laughed in a way that I hadn't heard since I arrived here, and I suddenly released how much strain I had put on him.  
  
"Better, now." He said.  
  
"I'm sorry." I said, taking his free hand in my own. "For being such a..."  
  
"Confused and scared human?" he asked, looking down at me from his superior height. We started walking along the edge of the wood, where open land met tall trees.  
  
"When you put it like that, yes." I answered with a grin. His fingers squeezed mine, and I squeezed back. "You were very patient with me."  
  
"Patience is something you learn when you're as old as I am." He said. He suddenly looked wistful, like he wished he was younger.  
  
"Do not wish for the past." I said softly. "Or you will lose both present and future in it." Legolas nodded, and kissed my temple.  
  
"You speak truly, as if from experience."  
  
"Many times I have wished to see the elder Queens, and in seeking them often I have become lost in mine own past that I can seek neither their past nor my present." Legolas frowned. The hawk on his wrist fidgeted, and he flung her into the air where she flew away, sunlight catching the emerald feathers under her wings until she shined like sun-kissed jewels.  
  
"Seeking the past can be dangerous." He cautioned.  
  
"If one is not trained and prepared for it." I added. "I am. Have been, since I was eighteen. Many years ago." I said with a laugh.  
  
"And always you grow more beautiful." He said, tucking a strand on curling black hair behind my ear.  
  
"And your manners improve likewise." I said with an unladylike snort. "Flattery will get you nowhere." Legolas grinned.  
  
"We should turn back." He said, "It shall take us at least an hour to return." I nodded, and we began to retrace our steps. The shrill call of his hawk caused many of the songbirds to silence themselves, and when Legolas held out his wrist and whistled, the hawk landed on his wrist in a flurry of wings, it's beak streaked red.  
  
"You do not take her catch from her?" I asked.  
  
"Not at the moment." He replied, stroked her chest with a finger. "In summer I will, but at this time of year she just needs the exercise."  
  
"What's her name?" I asked, touching her chest feathers gingerly, half- expecting her to bite me.  
  
"Luhta."  
  
"Enchantment." I translated. "She's beautiful." Legolas nodded his agreement. We found Enya grazing calmly by a small stream which was frozen over. "Where's your horse?"  
  
"Wandering." Legolas answered. He gave a sharp whistle, and the was an answering whinny from the forest, and soon a beautiful bay horse with cream man and tail cantered out of the woods, straight to Legolas. Luhta hopped from Legolas' wrist onto the pommel of his saddle, while Legolas stroked the horse's nose. I put my foot in the stirrup and pulled myself onto Enya, sitting sidesaddle as I was meant to, especially when wearing dresses, and trying to get comfortable in doing so.  
  
I wasn't wearing the most sensible of dresses, a turquoise wool one with a square neck which meant I got a cold throat and long wide sleeves, which meant a cold draught went up my arms. It wasn't the ideal dress for riding in the northern parts of Mirkwood in February, but when I heard Legolas had gone out alone with his hawk I had thrown on a thick royal blue woolen mantle, pulled on blue suede gloves and ridden out. This now meant that I was trying to get comfortable sitting sidesaddle when I was wearing far too much skirt, and it kept bunching underneath me. Enya stood patiently while I tried to sort myself out and Legolas just watched in amusement.  
  
"When you're quite finished." He said eventually.  
  
"When you have ridden sidesaddle while wearing far too much thick long skirt then you may be impatient." I snapped good-naturedly. "Until then, keep your comments to yourself."  
  
"Of course, my lady." He said, bowing from his position in the saddle. Sitting properly, I might add.  
  
"Oh, shut up. Let's go, I'm freezing. I think my hands are about to fall off." He laughed, not feeling the cold very much at all, even though there was at least six inches of snow on the ground and looking like there was more to come, and we set off back to the palace.  
  
We arrived back a little later than expected, in other words, in the middle of dinner. Legolas had gotten it in its head that it would be a good idea to make me look like an idiot, and so he chased me down the halls, laughing like a madman while I giggled hysterically, and straight into the dining hall. All conversation stopped the moment we ran in, although I'm not that surprised. I must have looked a mess, because I knew for a fact all my hair had fallen out of its twist and was lying anywhere it pleased around my head and shoulders, and I must have been flushed, both from the cold and the laughing. Legolas walked gravely beside me, and I hit him discretely on the leg with my glove. He hit me back, considerably harder, and I muffled a complaint, hitting him back.  
  
This whole time we were walking up the middle of the hall towards the dais, where we normally ate. The other elves all sat around us, watching us curiously as we tried not to attract attention. I think I must have hit him too hard with my glove, because then he went over the top and tried to tickle me, in full view of everyone! I, being me and extremely ticklish, ran away with a shriek, and was chased up to the main table. Legolas caught me just before I reached it, and carried me up the steps, ignoring me while I entreated him to put me down. One of the servants pulled out my chair at Legolas' gesture, and he plonked me down on it, and poked me in the side before ruffling my already ruined hair and walking off. I tucked my desert spoon in my glove and threw it at him behind Thranduil's chair, and it hit him in the buttocks, and he wheeled around and stared at me incredulously.  
  
"May I have my spoon back, please?" I asked sweetly, pursing my lips and raising my eyebrows at him. He was about to throw it at me, I could just tell, when Thranduil intervened.  
  
"When you two have quite finished acting like children, there is a meal to be eaten." Thranduil took my glove and weighed it in his hand before emptying the spoon onto his palm. He passed me back both glove and spoon while I smiled politely and tried not to laugh as Legolas pulled faces at me behind Thranduil's back. When Thranduil turned back, Legolas quickly applied himself to his food. Dinner passed uneventfully after that, though Thranduil kept a close eye on us both.  
  
After dinner, and the songs and stories that generally followed after, I stormed off to Legolas' room. When he opened the door, I threw a holly berry at him.  
  
"That, is for making me look like an idiot." I said sweetly. He looked outraged. I threw another at him. I had a whole pocketful.  
  
"That is for deliberately making me out to be the villain." I added. I threw another at him and he caught it. I threw the fourth before he had a chance to catch it and it bounced off his nose.  
  
"That, is for interrupting my diatribe and catching my ammunition." I admonished. I began to throw the fifth when he caught me wrist and dragged me inside. He then dumped an entire silver bowl of dried rose potpourri on my head. I spat a rose at him that had gotten in my mouth, and threw a whole handful of holly berries at him, and brushed bits of rose petal and cinnamon out of my hair, moving to his mirror.  
  
"Legolas!" I whined. "That's going to take forever to get out of my hair!"  
  
"Don't be ridiculous." He said, snatching up a comb from the table by the mirror and combing the potpourri out of my loose hair. Soon the stuff littered the floor around our feet, and Legolas and I just stared at each other as he ran the comb through my hair. Then I turned and kissed him. And this time when I undid the ties to his shirt, he didn't stop me.  
  
He was infinitely gentle with me, and soon took my mind off any memories of the cruelty of Isengard, which had long lingered in my mind and body. Legolas showed me exactly the meaning of love, and led me in a great dance in which we moved to each other's tune as though we had spent long learning the steps. He loved me in ways I had never thought possible, and I loved him with all my heart and soul in return. He swore to me then that he would love me always, and I knew it was true, and that my heart would love him long beyond the death and decay of my body.  
  
I lay awake that night staring out of the window, my body spooned in Legolas', who had an arm over my waist, holding me to him as he slept. When I turned my face to look at him, his eyes were wide open, though his mind was far away as he dreamed. It was another detail I had missed at Isengard, I noted. The Legolas there had slept with closed eyes as humans do, not as the elves do.  
  
"What are you thinking, love?" he asked me, awareness suddenly returning to his blue eyes as he blinked sleepily at me.  
  
"That you're beautiful and I love you." I answered with a smile. He kissed my nose.  
  
"Well, you took the words out of my mouth." He said with a wry grin. I yawned, snuggling into him, putting my head against his chest and listening to his slow heartbeat while he tightened his arms around me.  
  
"I don't want to ever let go." He whispered in my ear. I smiled and pressed a kiss against his bare chest.  
  
"I know the feeling."  
  
When I woke the next morning Legolas had gone, but lying where he had been was a white rose, and I wondered how he had gotten it, since it was still icy cold outside and snow lay on the ground many inches thick.  
  
The note by the rose said that he had gone out hunting with his father, and probably would not return until the following day or even the day after that. It said that he would miss me and long to return always, and other such sappy nonsense. It made me smile, and when I got out of bed I stretched, feeling languorous and generally very luxuriated. When I turned up at lunch, Kera just looked at me raised eyebrows and smiled, and I shot her a look that told her she was not my mother and to mind her own business.  
  
She caught me just outside of the dining room, though, and drew me aside.  
  
"You look very...well loved." She commented. I couldn't decide if she was teasing or was happy.  
  
"I am well loved. And I feel lovely." I admitted. Kera laughed.  
  
"That, dearest queen, is what happens when you are well loved by someone you love." She smiled. I rolled my eyes at her.  
  
"And you would have much experience."  
  
"More than you!" she retorted. "Even though you are more than three times my age." She added as an afterthought.  
  
"But looking thrice as good." I replied sweetly, and she smacked my shoulder.  
  
"A queen is modest. And anyway. I have plenty of experience. You didn't exactly chaperone me very well when I was growing up."  
  
"Like you're grown up now." I scoffed.  
  
"Way to prove my point." She smiled at me mischievously.  
  
"Careful, Kera, or I might chaperone you around Andir. And think how that would ruin your plans." She pouted. I grinned. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to spend the afternoon basking in the sunlight and reading a book in the library."  
  
I curled up, as I said I would, in one of the large armchairs that stood by the window in the strong winter sunshine. The book about Mordor and the Love-Curse was on my lap, but I couldn't concentrate and instead found myself chasing my thoughts around my head, unable to keep track of them for longer than twenty seconds.  
  
This soon gave me a headache and I gave up altogether, letting the book sit untended on my lap as I stared out of the window where three small children threw snowballs at each other, shrieking and laughing. When I next checked the time I found I had been sitting there for hours, doing nothing and staring into space. I was just in time for dinner, although the dining hall was quiet, with many of the elves gone hunting with the King and their prince.  
  
The next day my headache was equally as strong, if not stronger, and I felt dizzy and weak. I spent the day basking in the library, as I had spent the previous afternoon. But by noon I kept falling asleep and so I took myself off to my chambers, where I lay down and was instantly asleep.  
  
Kera woke me around dinnertime.  
  
"Did someone not get enough sleep a few nights back?" she teased. I groaned and stood up. My vision immediately went black and I stumbled back until I sat on the bed, my head between my knees.  
  
"Jané, are you pregnant?" she asked me seriously. I rolled my eyes, my head still between my knees.  
  
"Kera, be reasonable. I only slept with him night before last."  
  
"Oh. Good point. Well made." Kera admitted. I nodded and sat up with a groan. Kera touched my forehead.  
  
"You're burning up. Bed!" she helped me out of bed and into a nightdress, and then she tucked me in bed, and I fell asleep yet again.  
  
I did not wake up for a long time. I know it was a long time, for I seem to remember days passing, but not what happened in them. I remember at some point Kera leaning over me, and telling me to let Legolas go, but I wouldn't.  
  
"Well, what if he was in love with someone else?" she asked me. The thought hurt, but I got over it.  
  
"Then I hope he's happy and that she treats him well."  
  
"And if she's a he?"  
  
"Then I hope he treats him well." That thought confused me a little.  
  
"What if he's in love with me?" she demanded. I reached up to touch her cheek.  
  
"Then I hope you're both very happy." I remember hearing her exasperated sigh, and then nothing more, until the dream.  
  
I dreamt I was in a great field, dressed in a long gold dress with a long sky blue sheer overdress with slits all the way up the sides that billowed in a wind I could not feel. Then I saw someone approaching me, but I was only when he came closer did I recognise him.  
  
He wore a dark green and black velvet tunic, and his long blonde hair was tied back with a black cord. His face was drawn and his eyes were sad. He held out a small crystal globe to me.  
  
"You must choose." Legolas said sadly. I touched his face, but he was cold and motionless under my fingers.  
  
"Choose what?" I asked him, confused.  
  
"Choose your love, or your sanity. Look." He held out the globe, and as I looked in it, I saw myself, screaming and writhing on a table, to which my hands and ankles were tied. As the view got larger, I could see Legolas and Aragorn watching me, their expressions saddened. Then the view moved over Middle Earth, and the land was blackened and chaos reigned. Orc ran riot, killing and raping women and children while men died in battles where they were outnumbered by many thousands. Mordor burned in black smoke, which spread over the world and killed all that it touched.  
  
"That is what could happen if you choose love." He said. "You shall lose yourself, and all that is held dear. You shall even lose me, for you will be too insane to see me. The line of Queens will die, for you can not raise children. Mordor will burn, and the world will crumble."  
  
The view in the globe turned milky, and then I saw myself sitting on a throne in a great hall made of green stone, with two girls and a boy playing before me. I wore the crown of Mordor, and beside me sat a man. He was handsome, but it was not Legolas. As the view panned out, I saw Mordor green and flourishing, and as the view traveled across Middle Earth, I saw the land green and the people prosperous. But away in Mirkwood, I saw a single room, and by the window sat Legolas, pale and listless.  
  
"If you choose sanity, you shall rule well and the land will flourish." Legolas said quietly. "the line of Mordor will continue, with two heirs to the throne. You shall have many loves, and shall bear them children to rule Mordor in future. Middle Earth will flourish and be green, and its people, of all races, will be happy and content. The wars will end, and peace will reign. And far from both body and mind, I shall fade. And you shall not remember me, nor mourn my passing."  
  
I stepped back from Legolas and the clear globe. I truly didn't know what to do. Insane, I would be no good to anything, letting all I had ever known or trained for down. The world would rot and die. There would be no Middle Earth left.  
  
If I chose sanity, I would rule well, the line would continue, and all really would be well with the world, and with its people. Peace would reign happily. But the one image kept returning to my mind, and Legolas' words echoed in my head. "And far from both body and mind, I shall fade. And you shall not remember me, nor mourn my passing." Was not one love better than many? But even should I choose love, I would be too insane to have it.  
  
I could not choose both, as to be half-insane and half in love made no sense. It would never work. Then I thought back to what he said. "That is what could happen if you choose love." Could. Not would, or will. But could. I once promised Legolas I would choose love, no matter what. It was time to act on that promise, and take a chance.  
  
"I choose love." 


	11. The beginning and end

"I choose love!" I sat bolt upright in bed, heart pounding and blinking against the strong sunlight that shone threw the windows that surrounded me on nearly all sides.  
  
Wait a minute. All sides?  
  
I looked around, and found that I was most definitely not in Mirkwood anymore. This was my bedroom in Rivendell, with the big windows and airy room. I looked at the figure who stood by the window.  
  
"Ada?" I asked incredulously. He smiled at me in that slow way he does when he's extremely satisfied by something, like when he proves himself right after a long argument with either myself or Aragorn. I glanced out of the window again, shielding my eyes with my hand, and noticed the claw- like scratches along both my wrists. Outside the trees were just beginning to turn gold. Now I was really confused.  
  
"Jané. I'm glad to see you awake." He said.  
  
"Glad to be awake. Although I'm very confused." I scratched my neck, but jerked my hand away when it stung. "What's going on? Last time I checked it was winter and I hadn't scratched myself."  
  
"It is the third of September 3015, and you are, as you had guessed, back at Rivendell."  
  
"September?" I asked incredulously. "What in Elbereth is going on?" I don't think I've ever been this confused in my entire life, and that's saying something.  
  
"You fell ill in Mirkwood on the twenty seventh of February, this year. You soon began raving, and were completely unmanageable. Prince Legolas, Lady Kera and Captain Calren brought you here several months ago."  
  
"I've been insane for six months?" I asked, employing a bit of effort to keep my jaw from falling open.  
  
"Lady Kera explained about the love-curse."  
  
"Oh joy." I said sarcastically, running my fingers through my loose black curling hair.  
  
"Indeed." Elrond said with a smile. "Though I am glad to hear you made the right choice, judging by your statement when you woke up."  
  
"I chose love." I said slowly, remembering. "Even though it meant that the whole world could crumble and I'd be insane, I chose love. It was very selfish of me." I said.  
  
"Quite. But you still have your sanity."  
  
"None of the queens ever chose love." I recalled. "Because of the fear they'd go insane. Perhaps it was unwarranted, although if I'd done the sensible thing, I would have chosen sanity also. Sanity was so...good. Peace reigned and people were happy. It was light while love meant the world would fall into dark."  
  
"Let us be glad you chose as you did. It can be better to have one love than to have thousands of people who are dear to you." Elrond said.  
  
The door opened, and Kera walked in. "Oh!" she said, looking at me. "Oh. Oh." Each word had a different tone, and conveyed different meanings. "I'm glad you're well. We heard you from the hall, but we were scared you were raving again."  
  
"No." I answered with a grin. "I'm well. Where's Legolas?" Kera turned to look over her shoulder, as if she had expected him to be there.  
  
"He was there a minute...oh." I grasped her meaning completely and leapt out of bed, grabbing a robe from a chair as I ran past her, out the door, ignoring the calls of Elrond and Kera.  
  
I reached the stables breathless, only to have the grooms tell me Legolas had ridden out not five minutes ago. I pulled Enya out of the stall and had one of the grooms give me a leg-up, barefoot and clad only in a robe and a night-dress as I was. He stared after me amazed as I galloped out of the stables.  
  
Legolas had ridden half out of the valley before Enya caught up with him on his beautiful bay horse. She turned so she blocked the path, and the bay reared, and I flinched back as its hooves kicked inches from my face. When Legolas had it under control again, he glared at me.  
  
"Well?" he snarled.  
  
"Thank you, Legolas, I'm quite well." I said snippily, as if he had asked after my welfare. "And strangely enough, I haven't forgotten you or the fact that I've been in love with you since I was ten, and still am." I glared at him.  
  
"But...you're sane! You chose sanity...so you should've forgotten me."  
  
"Well, if that's what you want." I snapped. "And anyway, for your information, I chose love, not sanity, just as I have said I would, repeatedly. Now, if you want to run along home in a childlike tantrum, go right ahead. I wont stop you." I kicked Enya so she turned to face Rivendell, and was about to kick her on when I lost my balance and fainted. The last thing I remember was seeing the ground rush towards me.  
  
When I woke up again, I was back in my bed, Arwen sitting and reading by my side. When I groaned and rolled over, she set her book down.  
  
"Welcome back to the land of the living." She said with a smile. I opened my eyes a little.  
  
"My head hurts." I complained.  
  
"I'm not surprised. Legolas says you fell off head first, which was fairly ridiculous of you."  
  
"Thank you for stating the obvious, Arwen." I said, pushing myself into a sitting position, and leaning back against the headboard. I gingerly touched the lump above my right eyebrow. "Look impressive?" I asked.  
  
"Nah. Barely a mark. Just a lump. Now those others..."  
  
"Can you explain how I got them? Ada didn't say."  
  
"Well," she began. "I heard the ones around your wrists were from when your hands were tied together, to stop you hitting people - apparently," she informed me, "and you kept scraping at the ropes with your fingernails, which did nothing but tear up your wrists and give you bloody fingernails. The ones around your neck...I don't know."  
  
"She tried to kill Kera with my knife. I put my arm around her neck to stop her moving and she scraped at it and her own neck to make me let go." Legolas said from the doorway.  
  
"So he hit her with a rock." Calren added. Legolas shot him a dirty look, and Calren grinned at me. I raised an eyebrow and Legolas shrugged. Arwen looked incredulous.  
  
"You hit her with a rock?" she demanded.  
  
"Well, yes. At that point it was a 'her or my arm' kind of situation. And that's my bow arm."  
  
"Without which you couldn't live." Arwen said, rolling her eyes at me and rising. "I'm leaving. Don't stay too long, Ada says she needs sleep." She passed Legolas in the doorway and whacked him on the arm.  
  
"It's impolite to hit a lady." She admonished, and then was gone.  
  
"But its polite to hit a gentleman?" he asked me pleadingly. I grinned. Legolas came into the room and kissed me on the forehead.  
  
"Mind the bump." I said, moving over a little so he could sit on the bed, as Calren had already claimed Arwen's chair.  
  
"Hard fall." Calren observed.  
  
"She's lucky she didn't lose an eye." Legolas agreed.  
  
"Please don't talk about me like I'm not here, both awake and sane. Now I know you came for something...what?"  
  
"The king has recalled his son back to Mirkwood. We don't know why." Calren said. I nodded, and Legolas took my hand.  
  
"Hopefully it wont be for too long." He said with a grin.  
  
"I better not have given up sanity for nothing." I warned, and Calren laughed.  
  
"No, my lady. When Legolas is around, he's not too bad to live with."  
  
"Careful captain." Legolas warned, as I dissolved into peals of laughter. "And you," he said, turning to me. "That really wasn't funny."  
  
"I know. I just had a giggling fit." I apologised, and I leant up and kissed him on the lips, regardless of company.  
  
"So you did. But my father is calling us back immediately. We leave in an hour." Legolas said. I frowned.  
  
"What is so important that he does not let you wait until tomorrow?" I asked. Legolas shrugged.  
  
"Who knows? I came to say goodbye, and that I hope to see you soon." I nodded, and he pressed a kiss against my lips. "Farewell, my love." He whispered. I nodded.  
  
"Farewell, and good travel." They both nodded, and left. I sank back into my pillows, and groaned. My head hurt, and now I couldn't even complain to anybody.  
  
I spent the next four years in Rivendell, doing a lot of thinking and relaxing. Elrond began to formally teach me healing craft, since before I had been working from book knowledge and intuition. Aragorn visited once, but he and Arwen spent a lot of time in her chamber. I didn't ask.  
  
In the late summer of 3019, Arwen rode out one morning, after Elrond told her to go along the road from Rivendell to Weathertop. She returned the following afternoon with a very sick Halfling. I recognised it as one of the Halflings from the road that time when the Nazgûl rode past the Shire. I couldn't remember his name though.  
  
Elrond and I took turns at sitting by his bedside, trying to help him. He had a great wound in his left shoulder, where a Nazgûl blade had entered his flesh. Arwen said that Aragorn had treated it with Athelas, but Elrond and I both knew it would take more than that to heal him.  
  
It took us a week to bring him back to the light, from where he had passed far into the Nazgûl-induced darkness. In that time, Aragorn arrived with three other Halflings, who were all greatly worried for him.  
  
I stepped out of him room for a short while, so I could get something to eat. It was the day after my brother's arrival with the three other Halflings, and the moment I set foot out of his door I was accosted by all three.  
  
"Will he be alright?" one asked. It was the one I had met so long ago, the youngest of the three I had met on the road. Meriadoc was his name, I believe.  
  
"With some luck." I answered with a smile. A small hand grabbed mine and tugged.  
  
"But will he be alright?" I looked down at the hobbit beside me. He looked up at me with big blue eyes.  
  
"He should be. He is recovering, although the wound may never fully heal." I answered.  
  
"Well, as long as he is recovering." A familiar voice said. I grinned.  
  
"Gandalf! Welcome back!"  
  
"Indeed, indeed. He will recover then, Jané?" Gandalf asked me seriously. I nodded.  
  
"He should. He is strong, for all his stature."  
  
"Hobbits are surprising creatures." Gandalf agreed with a smile. "But irrepressibly curious, and forever hungry." One of them nodded.  
  
"We missed four out of seven meals on the way here." He said. "I'm starving."  
  
"Peregrin Took, I have never known you to be full!" Gandalf said sternly.  
  
"I shall take them to the kitchens, perhaps we can find something to eat there. It is where I was headed." I said brightly. Gandalf shook his head in despair.  
  
"When you know more of hobbits, dear girl, you will know never to offer to take them to the kitchens!" he then disappeared into Frodo's room.  
  
"Come then." I said with a smile. "Let's find something to eat."  
  
Later, after I had left the three hobbits in the gardens to their own devices, I stood by the window in the library, staring out blankly. Elrond had said he would call a council, and that meant Legolas would come. Not that I didn't want him to, of course...  
  
"You can't marry him, you know." Kera said from behind me. I nodded, but didn't turn.  
  
"I know."  
  
"The queens have always been unmarried, with only consorts, never kings. Legolas is a prince, Jané, he could never be a simple consort." She said sharply.  
  
"I know, Kera. Do you think I have not thought of this?" I asked her, turning to look at her. She smiled bitterly.  
  
"Oh, aye. I know you've thought of this. I'm just worried you'll chuck it all out the window."  
  
"Like I did with the love-curse." I said coldly, and turned back to stare out the window at the summer trees.  
  
"Exactly." Kera said definitely.  
  
"You know, I think I'd give it all up for him." I said quietly.  
  
"At least wait till you have an heir." Kera said softly. "Then you may abdicate and the steward may rule in your stead until your daughter may rule."  
  
"You?" I asked quietly. "No."  
  
"You doubt me?" Kera asked furiously.  
  
"Never." I said turning to her and taking a step forwards. "Never would I doubt your loyalty to both Mordor and to me. But what if I cannot have children?" Kera's face drew on a horrified expression.  
  
"No!"  
  
"I don't know, Kera. Did the Endleweed make me barren, or not?" I asked, more to myself than anyone else. "Not that I have any reason to believe it did, but what if that is so?" and held up my hand to stop Kera interrupting. "And even if it didn't, I could not, will not, betray Legolas that way."  
  
"You are being incredibly selfish, you know." Kera said softly. I smiled wryly.  
  
"I know. But perhaps it will be well. I do not doubt you, or your abilities, Kera. Do not doubt me. I do not think, if it comes down to it, that I will sacrifice Mordor for mine own sake."  
  
"What about his sake? That's what you did in the love-curse. I shared your dream, Jané. I know your choice. And the only thing that stopped you choosing sanity was Legolas fading."  
  
"Can you not trust me? Have I ever made a choice so wrong that it has haunted us both?" I demanded, suddenly angry.  
  
"No, you have not. I am simply trying to prevent you making such a choice."  
  
"You believe Legolas is such a choice?" I asked sadly, sitting tiredly in a chair.  
  
"No. Legolas is not such a choice. But perhaps marrying him is."  
  
"Kera, I shall not marry Legolas. Not yet anyway. Not until I am established as queen and I know how it is that my people think, and how they would feel to such a marriage. Children are not discouraged from knowing their fathers in Mordor, only from forsaking their mothers in the doing so."  
  
"I know. Just think wisely." Kera kissed my forehead and patted my shoulder before she left the library. I closed my eyes and sighed.  
  
"I'm trying."  
  
In the next few weeks, guests began arriving at Rivendell for the council. But soon my thoughts were taken up by an elf called Rayma. She was over a thousand years old, and felt that it made her very wise. I hated her almost from the moment I met her.  
  
She was beautiful. She had long wavy auburn hair that fell to her middle back. She was tall, and pale skinned. Her eyes were a golden brown that put bronze to shame. She was fair in all things she did, and she did a great many things. She played music, she sang, she sewed, and did the best embroidery in almost all of Rivendell, second only to Arwen herself. She was also amazingly big headed. She had a loud voice, and an even louder laugh. She was the epitome of the elvish lady, and sometimes I was very glad I was human.  
  
Then she started talking about her upcoming marriage, and I was extremely tempted to dress up as a Nazgûl and stab her in her bed.  
  
The wedding that she insisted on talking about, was with a certain prince of Mirkwood. I didn't actually believe her, because last time one of her clique started talking about her upcoming marriage, she had claimed the groom was Elladan, which was so ridiculous Kera and I nearly split ourselves laughing. Rayma and her group, needless to say, did not see why we thought it was so amusing.  
  
So when Legolas arrived early one autumn morning, I put all rumours aside and ran to greet him. He shocked me by being rather forward, kissing me long and hard in front of all. Not that we had ever kept it a secret, but we had always tried to be rather more subtle. Then I turned my head to hug him, and saw Rayma looking like she was going to kill me. So I kissed him again. Judging by his reaction, it seemed that Rayma's little wedding might not be going forward after all.  
  
Legolas pulled away and looked me up and down, as he always did, as if he expected me to starve myself in his absence.  
  
"Your necklace." He said after a moment. I looked down. I was wearing a silver star with a rather nice blue diamond set in it. It was a locket, much like the sun pendant was, and contained the three seeds from the red tree. "Where's the sun pendant gone? Not that I don't like the star." He said hurriedly. I smiled.  
  
"Lady Rayma got angry at me and broke it," I answered. "she said she was tired of my silly pretences and that I was and always would be a human pretending to be an elf. Now, I cant remembering ever trying to be an elf, but she has been alive longer than me, and has got a longer memory..." I trailed off. Legolas kissed my forehead.  
  
"Love, you have never tried to be an elf. You have never been anything else but what you are." He whispered. I rose on my tiptoes again.  
  
"I've missed you. Come on, I think Elrond wants to talk to you." We walked out of the courtyard, but just before we went through the arch, I turned back. Rayma was gone, but the man in the courtyard dismounting from his horse looked terribly familiar. He looked up and our eyes met, and my heart sank.  
  
"What is it?" Legolas asked. I shook my head.  
  
"Someone I knew once. Come on." But even as we walked, the look in Boromir's eyes when he saw me hand in hand with Legolas would not leave me.  
  
Several days later, Legolas manipulated me into a picnic with him. I went gladly, since the weather was still warm, and Rivendell was growing oppressive with Boromir's baleful glance following me like a shadow.  
  
We rode out, deeper into the valley, following the Loudwater river upstream. Then we branched off onto one of its tributaries, and found ourselves in a small field with a wood to one side, and a beautiful idyllic stream running through.  
  
I laughed as I spun around in circles, arms outstretched and head tossed back, staring at the blue sky. When I fell, I laughed harder.  
  
"How is it you knew of this place and I didn't?" I demanded. Legolas helped me stand.  
  
"Aragorn showed it to me long ago, we used to hunt here. That was sixty...seventy years ago."  
  
"And why did you always exclude me?" I asked with mock indignation.  
  
"Because the stream that runs through here is deadly poisonous." Legolas answered. I halted.  
  
"But...how?" Legolas pulled me forward, and I started walking again.  
  
"A little way upstream, the river bed is choked with Alldead." Legolas said. I frowned, trying to remember it. "You might know it better as Ilyaba." I nodded.  
  
"I remember. And it cant be cleared because-"  
  
"Any contact results in poison." Legolas finished. "You were only young at the time, nine, ten years old. Aragorn didn't want to risk you drinking the water while he wasn't looking, so we didn't show this place to you." I nodded.  
  
A warm wind blew around us, and the tall grasses waved in the fields. They were turning brown now, sun-dried and dead for autumn. The last of the summer flowers dipped their bright heads in the breeze, and the whole place smelt of summer.  
  
"It's beautiful." I said with a happy sigh. Legolas sat down against a rock by the stream, for it was beautiful despite its deadly nature. He watched as I gathered small flat pebbles and began skimming them along the slow moving water.  
  
"You look as though winter would kill you." Legolas said suddenly. I paused in my rock-skipping, and turned to him, puzzled. "You look like you were made for summer, and winter cold would ruin you." I looked down at myself. I was wearing one of the gowns I only wore in high summer, a pastel coloured gauzy thing that made me look like I had a skirt and sleeves made of flower petals, although the bodice was made of white satin. My hair was up in two interlocking coils around the back of my head, although the wind that blew across the field was teasing the carefully arranged curls out of their places..  
  
"Perhaps I shall adapt to winter." I said presently, fingering the delicate sun pendant at my throat. My sun-locket still hadn't been fixed, and I had returned to wearing sun pendants, as the star was more of Aragorn's people, the Dunédain, than it was of mine. This necklace wasn't a locket, and the three seeds were locked away in my room back at Rivendell. Legolas cocked his head to the side.  
  
"Perhaps. Although winter would change you." He said. I sank to my knees beside him, my skirts billowing and fluttering as I did so.  
  
"What is it, Legolas?" I asked. He smiled.  
  
"I did not mean to worry you." He said softly. I frowned.  
  
"Is there something for me to be worried about?" I asked. Legolas shook his head and changed the subject, but I knew there was something still on his mind.  
  
The sun reached its peak then began to fall through the sky to the west, but Legolas and I paid it no heed. After that small awkward moment, Legolas and I had spent the rest of the day talking and laughing. I was content to lean up against him even as he leaned on the stone, and he seemed content to sit there, arms around my waist.  
  
"Jané?" Legolas said suddenly, after a small period of peaceful silence. I looked over my shoulder up at him.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Will you marry me?" all at once I remembered Boromir asking the same question underneath the White Tree of Gondor.  
  
"Oh, Legolas." I said softly, shaking my head. Legolas sighed, as though he had known what the answer would be, but had asked anyway.  
  
"You know I cannot." I answered quietly. I rested my head on his shoulder, and he rested his chin on the top of my head.  
  
"Boromir?"  
  
"No!" I exclaimed, torn between the desire to laugh or to slap him. "No. I turned him down because I loved him as I would a son, not a lover nor a husband. The same holds true even now." Legolas said nothing. "The reason I say no now is because my Queenship may come soon, and-"  
  
"The queens never married." Legolas concluded. "but if you are to be queen, can you not change the laws?"  
  
"I can," I said slowly, "but I would prefer first to become queen, and let my people become used to me, and me to them. I want them to see my worth before I change anything. I need their trust."  
  
"They have been waiting for you for a long time." Legolas said quietly. His fingers twined with mine, and I held tight. The last time I had refused a marriage I had lost a dear friend and a boy who had near enough been my own son. I did not want to suffer such loss again.  
  
"I would marry you today if I could." I said quietly. Legolas turned his head to meet my eyes.  
  
"You mean that?" he asked me.  
  
"Of course." I answered. "I have always meant it." Legolas took my left hand in his, and on my middle finger slipped on a silver and emerald ring. It was made in the form of entwining ivy leaves and vines, the vines being silver and the leaves tiny, expertly crafted, emeralds.  
  
"As close to marriage as you may yet come." He whispered. I smiled. He kissed me softly, and I freed my hands from his and unclasped the sun necklace at my throat. It was nothing grand, a single smoky topaz set in a small gold sun on a delicate gold chain, but I twisted in his arms and fastened it around his neck, kissing him as I did so. I straightened the necklace with my fingertips.  
  
"A ring would hinder your archery." I whispered, and Legolas laughed. Soon he had me laughing too, and if anyone heard us, I do not know how they could escape from wondering what it was that made two people so happy, if it was not love and close friendship.  
  
We returned to Rivendell as evening was drawing on, and I tightened the blue wool shawl around my shoulders. My dress was beautiful, but not made for evenings, no matter how hot the day had been. As we rode back, Legolas suddenly grinned and chuckled. I turned to face him from the saddle, even as I encouraged Enya to walk on.  
  
"What?" I asked suspiciously.  
  
"You have grass stains on the back of your dress."  
  
"And it's all your fault!" I accused with a smile. It was true. We had both had a sudden burst of energy after lunch, and had chased each other round like we were children, shouting and laughing the entire time. He had managed to catch me, but in doing so, had tripped me up, causing me to land and skid on a small patch of green grass. Hence the grass stains.  
  
"Forgive me?" he asked, sticking out his lower lips and widening his eyes. Anything, as long as you wear that necklace, I though idly.  
  
"I'll consider it." I said breezily, sticking my nose up in the air.  
  
"Oh really?" Legolas kicked his horse into a trot to catch up with me, and I urged Enya into a canter, until we were both galloping towards Rivendell, calling and laughing.  
  
I beat him to the stables by a matter of feet, and I swung down and began to run for the door, but he caught me up and spun me in circles.  
  
"Ahem!" Someone cleared their throat rather loudly, and we both stopped and looked towards the door. Rayna, perfect elf lady she was, stood in the doorway. There was a high flush on her cheeks, like she had either been running, or she was angry. Since she was the kind of elf that never ran, and since I was acting close to Legolas, I thought it was safe to assume she was angry.  
  
"Lady Eldira, I believe Master Elrond would speak with you." She said. I nodded, and started past her. Even as I walked away, I could hear her still talking.  
  
"Could I have a word, Prince Legolas?" 


	12. Partings

Elrond was in the library, and he turned when he heard me come in.  
  
"Ah, Jané, good. Sit." I sat, feeling nervous. I almost felt twelve again, when Elrond was reprimanding me for taking the clothes out of the bathing rooms when Aragorn and Legolas were taking baths, so they had to run to their rooms without an awful lot on. I realised I was twisting Legolas' ring around and around my finger, and I stopped.  
  
"I don't know if you are aware," Elrond began, "but Prince Legolas is engaged." My jaw dropped open, and I quickly shut it again. So it was true. "His intended bride is the Lady Rayma, who I believe you know." I raised an eyebrow and nodded slightly.  
  
"There is just something I need to know, if I am going to dissolve this engagement before it is too late." Elrond said. I raised my eyebrows quizzically. "How long have you two been lovers?" I was taken aback. As a rule, Elrond let my business stay my business, but this was...unexpected.  
  
"Since just before...I fell ill. The love-curse." I elaborated. I tucked an errant strand of hair behind my ear, and Elrond's gaze fell to my left hand, which lay in my lap.  
  
"And you would marry him?" He asked, looking pointedly at the ring, I looked down at it.  
  
"I would, but for Mordor."  
  
"As close to a marriage as you are able." Elrond guessed, and I nodded. "Then the engagement must be dissolved, since he cannot marry another if his heart is wedded to yours." I rose, sensing the conversation to be over. "By the way, where is your necklace? This is the first occasion in a long time that I have seen you without one."  
  
"I gave the one I was wearing today to Legolas, as I had his ring." I answered. Elrond smiled his satisfied smile, and somehow I guessed that maybe he wasn't quite as displeased with us as he would have us think.  
  
Outside the door, Rayma and Legolas waited. As I passed them, Legolas frowned, and I smiled reassuringly. Then he disappeared into the library. Rayma grabbed my arm.  
  
"How does it feel," she hissed, "to lose your precious prince to me?"  
  
"I wouldn't break out the wine just yet," I advised. "Not unless you plan to celebrate my wedding." I smiled and moved away, and though I did not look over my shoulder, I revelled in her outraged silence.  
  
I saw Frodo, who I now recognised from near enough seventeen years ago, sitting alone in the gardens, half hidden from others view. I began to make my way over to him, but was waylaid by Boromir.  
  
"My lady," he bowed. I curtsied back.  
  
"Lord Boromir. Welcome to Rivendell. It is good to see you again."  
  
"Indeed. You have not returned to Gondor of late."  
  
"No. My travels kept me further north and west, at Rivendell and at Edoras." I did not mention Mirkwood, though I think he knew anyway.  
  
"Quite."  
  
"And how is Faramir, and Denethor?" I asked.  
  
"Father withdraws ever further into himself, and Faramir strives for his praise in vain, as always."  
  
"I heard you retook Osgiliath last year." I said. "It was very brave of you."  
  
"It was more Faramir's plan that it was mine." Boromir said modestly. "Faramir thinks it up, I do it. Unfortunately, father has little praise for those stronger of mind than of body, and always it has been so with Faramir."  
  
"Indeed." I nodded, remembering the boy that would rather read than train with a sword. Boromir looked over my shoulder.  
  
"Excuse me, my lady." He said with a bow. I curtsied perfunctorily, and made my way over to where Frodo sat hidden.  
  
"May I join you?" I asked. He nodded. He looked very small and lonely. "You are not oft without your companions." I commented. He sighed wearily.  
  
"I needed peace."  
  
"If I disturb you, I shall leave." I stood, but Frodo made a grab for my hand.  
  
"Stay." I sat back down. "Do you know Mordor?"  
  
"Some." I answered. "I was there for some months, although I did not see the country as well as possible."  
  
"A great burden is upon me." He said heavily. I touched his shoulder.  
  
"Be brave, Frodo." I said quietly. "Trust to your heart, not to the ring." He jumped away from me, his hand automatically going to the ring I had hung on a chain around his neck during his illness. It had called me then, but I had refused it.  
  
"Do not come near!" He warned.  
  
"Peace, Frodo." I said staring at my hands. "The ring called to me, but I refused it. We come from the same place, the ring and I, though we have different masters." Frodo slowly came and sat back down.  
  
"It was you that tended my shoulder, was it not?" He asked.  
  
"Myself and Lord Elrond." I answered. "It was I that hung the ring on a chain, lest it try to escape your pockets."  
  
"Gandalf has explained it to me, and what it did." Frodo said with a sigh. He sat on his hands on the bench and swung his legs.  
  
"It has almost a will of its own." I agreed, "and it will do much to return to its master." I took the silver and moonstone ring off my right forefinger, where Galadriel had placed it many years ago. "Here." I said, offering it to him. "Hang this beside it on the chain, and perhaps it might lessen your burden somewhat." Frodo did so, and almost immediately gave a sigh of relief.  
  
"It helps, thank you." He stared off into space.  
  
"What troubles you?" I asked gently, "Aside from the ring."  
  
"Today...my Uncle Bilbo, you remember him from the road?" I was startled.  
  
"I do, but how do you remember?"  
  
"On the way here, my friends and I, we fell off the ridge, much as we did all those years ago, and a black rider came. And I remembered, because we were all hiding under the tree, and I half expected to hear someone saying there was nothing there, but the voice didn't come, and I realised it had happened before. That was just before we met Strider. Do you know him?"  
  
"I do. He's my foster brother. What of your uncle?" Frodo looked disappointed that I had returned to the subject, and I considered letting it go, but he began talking before I could tell him to leave it.  
  
"Uncle Bilbo gave me this vest of mithril he had, and his old sword, which he called Sting. But when I went to try on the vest, he saw the ring. And all of a sudden he went...peculiar, almost...I don't know. I wouldn't say evil, but it was...disturbing." I nodded.  
  
"Gandalf said the ring can take hold of people, like the nine rings took hold of the men Sauron gave them to, and I hate to think...but I cant help but consider-"  
  
"That the ring has a hold over your uncle?" I asked softly. Frodo nodded miserably. I touched his arm. "Do you fear it will take hold of you too?"  
  
"I don't think I am strong enough to take it all the way to Mordor!" Frodo burst out.  
  
"Hush." I said, drawing him to me. He leaned his head on my shoulder. "Frodo, this task has come to you, through fate, or chance, or whatever you may call it. It would not have done so if you were not strong enough to bear this burden."  
  
"I wish this had never happened." He whispered.  
  
"So do most, when such tasks are given to them. But you and they both must take up the tasks in both hands and hearts, that in the end all will be well." Frodo sat up, and looked me in the eye.  
  
"It won't be easy for you either." He said.  
  
"What do you mean?" I asked.  
  
"Well, if Sauron is destroyed, it is up to you to rebuild the country, is it not?" he asked.  
  
"How do you..." I trailed off. He flipped my hands so they were palms upwards.  
  
"There is a story, a legend almost, of a lady who was queen in Mordor, who had suns just like these on her hands. We never believed it until we saw yours."  
  
"One of the queens got to you, as well?" I asked. This was getting ridiculous.  
  
"I think the story goes that she saved the shire from some people who were determined to ruin it...or something." He finished lamely. I smiled, and the chimes for dinner rang.  
  
"Go on." I said, giving him a nudge. "Join your friends, and do not be too downhearted." He smiled at me, then jumped down from the bench. I went to get changed.  
  
I was not terribly late for dinner, but everyone looked up as I came in, but I ignored them, walking straight to the high table, and to my seat beside Arwen.  
  
"Nice dress. Why are you late?" She asked.  
  
"I'm not!" I protested quietly, nodding thanks to a servant who filled my wineglass. "I'm just not early, is all. I was talking to one of the hobbits when the chimes went, and then I had to get changed because I had grass-stains on my dress."  
  
"Ah." Arwen grinned and nodded, and ate, although I suspected there was more on her mind that she wanted to talk about.  
  
She finally broke her patient silence when the servants were removing the second course.  
  
"So." She said.  
  
"So." I replied, taking a sip of my wine.  
  
"So why is Rayma glaring at you like you're a Nazgûl in disguise and no one believes her when she tells them."  
  
"Possibly because it might be true." I said, deliberately resting my chin on my left hand so the ring Legolas gave me could not go unnoticed by Arwen.  
  
"Oh!" She exclaimed, her eyes lighting on the ring. "Oh. Oh." Each 'oh' had a different tone and meaning, describing surprise, understanding, then further understanding. I grinned. She grabbed my hand and scrutinised it.  
  
"Do you know what this is?" She demanded of me.  
  
"One of the heirlooms of Mirkwood?" I guessed.  
  
"Exactly!" Arwen said. "It's a wedding ring, for Valar's sakes!"  
  
"Oh. Well I knew that already." I said calmly, smiling at the servant girl who laid my plate before me.  
  
"You what?" Arwen cried. She quickly lowered her voice. "You mean..."  
  
"He asked me to marry him this morning, and I said I would that very moment if I could."  
  
"Ah. Yes. The small problem of Anorondor." Arwen said, nodding in understanding.  
  
"So Legolas put it on my middle finger, the closest I can get to marriage for the time being." Arwen nodded, taking a rather large sip of wine.  
  
"And you gave him the ring from Galadriel?" She asked, pointing to my right forefinger where the silver and moonstone ring was missing.  
  
"Actually, no. I gave him that little gold and topaz sun pendant I have. Not exactly a conventional promise gift, but I figured it wouldn't get in the way of archery as much as a ring would."  
  
"So what happened to the ring from Galadriel?" Arwen asked.  
  
"I gave it to Frodo. To try and help lighten his burden." Arwen nodded, apparently satisfied.  
  
"He is small for such a burden." Arwen said. "Oh! I've just thought. I have something for you. It was to be a birthday gift, but...I'm not quite sure why I didn't give it to you. And I'm not sure why I thought of it now. Come with me to my room after dinner, and I'll give it to you. It was a gift to me, a long time ago, and I think it belongs with you."  
  
I asked further, but Arwen would say no more, and I was left to ponder her words throughout dinner.  
  
When I went to her rooms that night, she let me in, and I saw she had a piece of gold velvet laid out on her bed. When she unwrapped it, I saw two small shining silver throwing knives, engraved with rising suns and words in old Mordor.  
  
"Straight and true." They both said.  
  
"There was a queen, as I'm sure you know, called Isolde the Fair, who actually grew up here in Imladris. We were good friends." Arwen was silent for a moment, her hand tracing the outlines of the blades. "She taught me to throw knives, it was her speciality. When she died, she gave them to me."  
  
"How did she die?" I asked.  
  
"The love-curse killed her. She chose sanity, but did not forget her love and her care for her lover. He faded, for he believed she had been lost to him, and she died shortly after. Her daughter Eldiran was sent to Galadriel, who raised her as she raised Emria, many years before. Eldiran then moved to Mirkwood, where she lived until she died. She was three hundred, I believe, when she died. I believe Isolde would have wanted you, her great granddaughter to have these, and to return them to Mordor from whence they came." Arwen turned over the blades, and I saw the other inscription. On the first: "For victory the battle was fought, and for blood it was lost." And on the second blade: "One love is truer than many, and crueller also." I smiled.  
  
"I know the sentiment." Arwen smiled at me, and pressed the two blades gently into my hands. They were perfectly balanced, deadly works of art.  
  
"Thank you Arwen. It seems everyone has another part of my past to give me."  
  
"Most of us do. The Queens of Mordor were widespread, and were wanderers, like the Númenor. You are no different."  
  
"No." I murmured, staring down at the blades in my hands, and beyond them to the suns on my palms. "Not very."  
  
*&*  
  
The morning of the council, I was making my way to my room to fetch my cloak which masked me from most people, when I ran into a company of dwarves. I curtsied deeply, much as I would and did to royalty.  
  
"Ah, my lady." One of the dwarves said. He had a grey beard, and looked old.  
  
"My lord. Can I help you?" I asked politely, rising.  
  
"We seemed to have lost our way."  
  
"I am not unfamiliar with the realisation." I said with a kind smile. "Where are you going, and I shall do my best to aid you in getting there." The elderly dwarf bowed.  
  
"We are much obliged to your help, my lady. We seek Lord Elrond, and his meeting."  
  
"Ah. I can help you their, my lords. If you would, follow me please." I led them to the place of the council, and when we reached it, I curtsied. "There you are, my lords, and we are yet early."  
  
"Your help is greatly appreciated." The elderly dwarf said, bowing low. "And your manners out do many of your kind. Not all elves are so polite."  
  
"I must correct you, my lord." I said calmly. "I am no elf, though I grew up among them."  
  
The dwarves chuckled. "You have exquisite bearing, my lady." The grey- bearded dwarf said with smile, and he bowed over my hand and kissed it. "Excuse us." I nodded, and the three dwarves entered the circle.  
  
Now I had to hurry, or I would be late.  
  
*&*  
  
By the time I returned to the council place, most of the places were filled. I saw on the wall, careful that I was completely covered by the cloak, and the veil that matched the cloak fell over my face.  
  
The council was truly a council of folk. There were elves, men, dwarves, and the hobbit, Frodo, although I could see the other three of his companions lurking in the shadows.  
  
Of the people present, I knew only a few. Aragorn, Boromir, the three dwarves, Legolas, Gandalf, Frodo and myself. There were others there – two other elves, and at least one other man, not counting the three other hobbits.  
  
The council started calmly. Frodo placed the ring on the table in the centre of the circle, and I immediately felt its pull. Frodo sat sunken in his chair as though he had no wish to be here, which I doubted he had.  
  
As the council progressed, all went well until Boromir suggested using the ring against Sauron. I could hear Denethor's words in Boromir's suggestion, and as the tone and mood of the council escalated; I could bear no more. Throwing off my cloak, I rose.  
  
"Be silent." I said, using the 'voice of power' I had been taught at Denarssa. Everyone fell silent instantly. "Prince Boromir, you cannot use this. None of us can. The only option is to destroy it." Boromir sent me a dirty look.  
  
"And what would you know of it?" He demanded. My patience broke.  
  
"Sit down and stop being a silly boy, Boromir!" I snapped. I immediately regretted it, but I couldn't stop now without being laughed out of the council. Boromir sat in his chair, glaring at me. If looks could kill...  
  
"The ring wants to return to its master. Once Sauron has the ring he will destroy all of Middle Earth. We need to stop thinking of our respective races and start thinking of our shared world!" I cried.  
  
"She is right." Aragorn stood. "None can control the ring."  
  
"And what would you know of it? A ranger!" Boromir scoffed. Legolas leapt to his feet.  
  
"He is no mere ranger! He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn, and heir to Elendil." Aragorn looked tired, now his identity had been revealed.  
  
"Indeed?" Boromir asked quietly. I wondered if he remembered the man who had carried five-year-old Faramir back to bed the night of Finduilas' funeral.  
  
"Sit." Elrond said softly. They all did.  
  
"Well, if it needs destroying, what are we waiting for?" A red-haired dwarf surged forward with his axe raised, and I backed away, wrapping my cloak around me, disappearing to the council. There was a great crash as his axe met with the ring and shattered. Suddenly the council was in uproar, and elves were yelling at dwarves and men joined in. Frodo made himself smaller in his chair, and I knelt by him.  
  
"Frodo." I said softly. He turned to where I sat, though he could not see me. "You know what you must do. Fear not, for burdens need not be carried forever." Frodo nodded, and rose.  
  
"I will take it!" He called. I smiled to myself, and left the council.  
  
*&*  
  
Legolas found me in my rooms, as we both knew he would. He let himself in, and sank down on my bed, stretching out.  
  
"What's wrong, love?" I asked, coming to sit beside him on the edge of the bed. He grabbed my wrists, jerked, rolled, and suddenly I was looking up at him from my position lying beside him on the bed. He kissed me gently.  
  
"The council came to a halfway sensible conclusion." He said when he pulled back. I raised an eyebrow in question. "Nine of us will journey to Mordor, to help and protect the halfling Frodo Baggins as he journeys to destroy the ring." I looked at him, and tried to hide my dismay.  
  
"It will not take too long, my love." He said soothingly. "And besides, we have often been parted, once for over twenty years. This will pass as seconds."  
  
"No it wont." I argued. "Perhaps for an elf who lives for eternity, but not for a human who shall miss you very much."  
  
"I wont live for eternity, lovely. I think we both know that." He said solemnly. I hit him gently.  
  
"Do not be so sad. Neither of us will die for a long while yet. I'm only eighty, and my folk live for a good sight longer." Legolas laughed, and kissed me, his hands burrowing beneath me to get at the ties of my dress. I wrapped my arms around his neck and let him.  
  
*&*  
  
The nine left the following week, and most of Rivendell turned out to bid them farewell. Legolas looked at me, the sun pendant I gave him glinting in the sunlight. Then he nodded and me and smiled, and I grinned and nodded back. We had said our 'goodbyes' earlier in the privacy of my room.  
  
Arwen beside me was much graver as she watched Aragorn check and recheck the supplies. I didn't ask her what was wrong, but we both knew I would as soon as they were gone. Her Evenstar pendant hung at Aragorn's throat, glowing silver even as mine glowed gold at Legolas' throat. The nine left, and Arwen turned and fled back into Rivendell. I followed her at an all out run, until we finally came to a halt on a fine balcony that jutted out over the waterfall.  
  
"Arwen?" I asked.  
  
"Leave me!" She snarled. I shook my head resolutely.  
  
"What happened?" I asked. Arwen looked at me, then burst into tears, throwing her arms around me and burying her head in my shoulder as she wept. I guided her to the stone bench nearby, and cradled her in my arms as I murmured to her in elvish. When her tears finally subsided, I took her long fine hands in mine own. "Arwen, sister, tell me." Arwen looked at me strangely, and I realised I had never called her that before.  
  
"He tried to give it back." She blurted. I understood immediately. "He said he wasn't coming back. He told me to sail. How could he?"  
  
"He loves you no less for his wishes, Arwen." I said softly. "He tells you to sail for he fears for his own life, and he would not have you left here, a bitter reminder of what could have been."  
  
"Better a bitter reminder than a memory of a dream!" She cried. I clutched her hands in mine.  
  
"Arwen, you gave the Evenstar to Aragorn. And he wears it. You must have hope. It's all we have left." Tears were running down my face now, the thought of losing Legolas tore at my heart like a voracious animal.  
  
"We should suffer loss together, should it come to pass." Arwen said softly, wiping my tears away even as I wiped away hers.  
  
"Come. I will show you something." I said, taking her hand, and leading her out of Rivendell. 


	13. The Mirror

We passed through the woods like two shadows, with no sound or mark pointing to our passage. I led her deep into the woods, until they became dense and close around us. But still I followed the ancient path, gone now from lack of use, that one of the Queens, perhaps Isolde, perhaps not, had used.  
  
In the end we came to a small clearing. In the centre stood a small pedestal, and atop of that was a small stone bowl with a stone lid on top of it. I moved the stone lid, scraping away lichen and moss with my fingernails. I set it gently on the floor, and revealed the inside of the stone bowl, lined with black obsidian, volcanic glass. I went to a small rocky mound to one side, and pushing aside the vines, I removed a small intact obsidian jug, then dipped it into the icy water that bubbled from the spring beneath the rock, revealed only by careful excavation of the rocky mound. Filling the jug, I returned to the table, where Arwen waited patiently. She recognised what I was doing, for her grandmother did it in Lothlorien, although her pitcher and mirror were of silver, not black obsidian. I poured the water into the black bowl, then set the jug down on the floor. Then I peered into the bowl, and after a few moments, my reflection wavered and became an image of the path up into the Misty Mountains. They were all there, and to my surprise, Legolas and the dwarf seemed to actually be talking! Aragorn looked well as always, and the four hobbits were talkative and cheerful. Then the vision wavered, and my face appeared once again.  
  
I looked up at Arwen.  
  
"They are well. Aragorn is fine." Arwen nodded, and took a step forward, running her fingers around the rim of the bowl. Then the world turned grey and misty, and a big gold eye replaced my view of the wood and the clearing.  
  
"They live not long!" A fell voice hissed in my ear. I straightened.  
  
"They shall live long enough." I retorted. The eye blasted brighter than ever, and then I crumpled to the floor, and the eye disappeared from view. Incidentally, so d id everything else  
  
*&*  
  
I woke in my bed in Rivendell with a killer of a headache. Elrond watched me gravely from a chair at my bedside.  
  
"Jané." He greeted me with a grave smile.  
  
"Ada. Is everyone alright?"  
  
"Truly. You are the only one." I nodded and sat up. "The rest of the Eldar leave for the Grey Havens in a few days." He said quietly. I looked at him quizzically. "Arwen will leave for Valinor with the others." Tears rose in my eyes, but I blinked them back.  
  
"May I ride with them?" I asked, "To say farewell." Elrond smiled at me, and nodded.  
  
"Yes, you may. I think you should."  
  
The night set, the elves bid farewell to Imladris and to Elrond. I walked beside Arwen, and we were both cloaked in dark blue. Arwen looked once last time at her father, and I squeezed her hand. Then she turned and faced her future. But her grip on my hand, her anchor to her past, never relented.  
  
The journey took us many days, through beautiful woods and vast areas of flat lands. We followed the Loudwater River south, and planned to travel through Eregion to Tharead, where we would turn north east again, joining the road just before the Blue Mountains, and then passing through the mountains to the Grey Havens. But we never got that far.  
  
We were passing through a forest in Eregion when Arwen suddenly paused, her eyes following something only she could see. I could see from my position beside her a tear slide down her face. Her hands had tightened so on the reigns of her horse that her knuckles had gone white. Then an elf approached us.  
  
"My ladies. We should continue." Arwen's eyes fixed on him like she had never seen him before, but before I could open my mouth to speak, she had wheeled her horse around and was galloping back the way she had come. Enya followed suit, and we both galloped away from the company of elves, and straight back to Rivendell.  
  
I was breathless and more than a little sore when we rode into Rivendell. I slid down from Enya and leaned on her, watching as Arwen shed her cloak on the ground and ran to her father, demanded to know what he had seen in her future. I heard only the word 'death', and then her accusation of Elrond hiding the future of her son from her. It was then I approached. Elrond glanced at me, but it was all the acknowledgement I received. Then I headed to my rooms, content to let them battle it out, and reluctant to get in the middle.  
  
I passed the room where Legolas had stayed, and rested my hand on the door momentarily, and then it struck me, faster than I could imagine. I ran to my room, changed clothes, then started packing.  
  
Elrond knocked on my door and entered a few minutes later. He watched me pack quickly for a few moments, then nodded.  
  
"Good. But return with hope for us all." I looked up at him, and his face, normally so calm and unperturbable, was ravaged with grief. I flew to him, hugging him tight. I knew elves were not really ones for physical comfort, but I didn't care. He hugged me back, and a felt a single tear fall on my head. Then I pulled away.  
  
"Ada, don't cry. Arwen will be well. I go to ensure the same is true for Aragorn." He nodded.  
  
"I know. Travel well, daughter." I smiled, and hurried for the stables. Enya looked up as I entered, and I could have sworn she rolled her eyes at me. Then she stood still and let me saddle her up. Minutes later, we were racing away from Rivendell. 


	14. The end of all things

A/N omigod. I'm so sorry I forgot to do this. I got reviews! I'm so happy. Do you guys actually like this story? I'm gonna put it all up cuz I finished it (!!!!!), but please review anyway! Thanks to: Copper Hayden-Greenleaf – you're one of the few people who reviewed. I never thought about her channeling Frodo, but I guess its because Frodo's a really responsible person, cuz he's got the end of the world on a chain around his neck, and Jané's really responsible as well cuz she's the future queen of a rather large country that's had a bad history. It was accidental, though, the thought had never occurred to me.  
  
It was night, nearly a week later, when I raced across the plain of Rohan, heading for the lights of Meduseld. It seemed too late, even as I took the stairs two at a time, flashing the golden horse-ring at the guard as I ran past him, cloaked completely in black. The shadow of Sauron hung heavy over the Golden Hall. I ran into one of the sleeping rooms, shutting the door behind me. A palantír rolled across the floor towards me, its surface black and cloudy. I swept off my cloak and dumped it on the crystal in one swift movement. Gandalf was leaning over Pippin, and Legolas leant over Aragorn.  
  
Aragorn.  
  
I ran forward, falling to my knees beside him. I called his name, but he ignored me. Then I touched the Evenstar at his throat, and drew on my memories of Arwen. Then I touched Aragorn's cheek.  
  
"Aragorn." I called. Legolas jerked, his blue eyes staring at me suspiciously. The woman who sat beside him was no longer Jané, but a curious mix of Arwen and Jané, with Arwen's voice, and Arwen's eyes, but Jané's face and hair. I could feel Aragorn returning to me, and I called again. His eyes flew open, and his hand went to my cheek. I dropped the illusion.  
  
"Jané! I could have sworn..." Aragorn trailed off. I smiled gently at him, and held one of his hands in my own. "How is she? Did she leave?" I glanced at Legolas, who watched me like a hawk. Aragorn gave a sigh, and then Gandalf stood.  
  
"Welcome, Jané. I wish I could ask what brought you here, but I think I already know." I nodded, and moved from Aragorn's side to Pippin's. I passed my hand over his forehead, and a peace came to his horrified eyes.  
  
"Hush, Peregrin." I murmured, as he went to speak. He fell silent. Gandalf stood busily, then disappeared out the door.  
  
*&*  
  
A few minutes later, we all stood in the great hall. Pippin looked suitably ashamed with himself, and I stood behind him, resting a hand on his shoulder. He glanced up at me, and I smiled reassuringly. I tuned out of most of the talk regarding Rohan and Gondor, knowing that whatever happened, I was to go to Gondor.  
  
"I will go with you." Aragorn and I said together, when Gandalf spoke of going to Gondor.  
  
"No!" Legolas and Aragorn protested together. I smiled, and touched Legolas' cheek.  
  
"I have to, my love." I murmured. Then I turned to Aragorn.  
  
""I have seen many frightening things in my life, but none so terrifying as my brother and my love conspiring together." I murmured. Aragorn grinned, remembering when he had said that same thing almost sixty years ago. Legolas chuckled. I kissed them both on the cheek, then as I went to go, Aragorn grabbed my hand and scrutinized the Mirkwood ring on my finger. He glanced at me, then at Legolas, then back at me again.  
  
"Why does no one tell me anything?" he asked with a pout.  
  
"Because its none of your business. I'll see you soon." I turned and headed for the stables. When Enya saw me, she shook her head and snorted. I patted her neck.  
  
"When we get to Gondor, lovely, then you can rest for longer than ten minutes. I promise." I said softly. She whinnied, and I grinned.  
  
We galloped out of the stable, Enya keeping pace with Shadowfax much to Gandalf's astonishment. When I looked back I could just see my brother's figure at the battlement, and then I turned my focus ahead.  
  
*&*  
  
It was three days hard ride without rest to Gondor, and by the time we got there, even I was saddle-sore and weary. Gandalf and I galloped right up to the citadel, where we hurried to the main building.  
  
Gandalf gave Pippin a lecture about not saying anything, and I patted his shoulder and smiled. Then we went in.  
  
Unlike Théodan, who had aged rather gracefully for a man in his seventies, Denethor looked awful. He was hunched over something in his lap, and it was only once I got closer that I realised that it was the completely sundered horn of Gondor. I knew Boromir had died – I had seen it in the obsidian mirror at Rivendell, but this only solidified my knowledge, and a pang of grief pulled at my heart. I had raised Boromir as a son, and we had parted on harsh terms.  
  
"Lady Jané." Denethor said, lifting his head to look at me out of a ravaged face. "You acted as mother to my children. How can you accompany such as those that engineered the death of my son?"  
  
"He is not your only son." I said sternly. "Where is Faramir?"  
  
Then Pippin came forward, out of my grasp, and knelt, explaining how Boromir had died. A sudden image appeared in my head of Boromir shouting and cutting down Uruk-Hai, even as arrows buried themselves in him. A touch on my arm brought me out of it, and Gandalf shook his head. Then he knocked Pippin about the knees with his staff.  
  
"Get up." He ordered. Then we left the citadel, and while I was assigned my old rooms, I ensured Gandalf and Pippin had rooms next to mine. It seemed I still had authority here, no matter what Denethor might think.  
  
That night, we stood on the balcony in the rooms Gandalf and Pippin shared. Pippin was looking at his new uniform pondering what the job description actually was. I rested my elbows on the balcony-ledge, and felt the sun pendant hanging at my throat being pulled towards Mordor. I clasped it in my hand and the force stopped.  
  
Pippin asked about Frodo and Sam, and Gandalf told him what we had all known, (apart from Pip, it seemed) at the start: that it was a fool's errand, with a fool's hope. Pippin was quite disturbed by this unwelcome information.  
  
Suddenly, a spiraling pillar of green witch-light rose out of Mordor and into the sky. Its eerie green light added to the red glow from Mount Doom.  
  
Gandalf sent Pippin to bed.  
  
*&*  
  
The next day, I was leaning against the White Tree, staring towards Mordor and Osgiliath, when I saw riders from Osgiliath fleeing towards Minas Tirith.  
  
"Gandalf!" I shouted. He ran out of the citadel, Pippin on his heels. He saw what I had seen and together we ran for the stables, and then galloped down and out of the city.  
  
We sped straight towards the fleeing soldiers, and as we did so I began to weave song magic, though I doubted it would work, as it was difficult to keep my voice steady as we rode. But then I saw the winged monsters hesitate, and then Gandalf used his staff to send a blinding beam of light at the creatures, and they fled. Gandalf and I turned in great circles on our horses, headed back to the city, leading the contingent of soldiers into Minas Tirith.  
  
Soon the lower courtyard was swarming with horses and Gandalf and I sat side by side, watching them. Faramir rode up to us.  
  
"They've taken Osgiliath, an the river crossing." He said breathlessly. His gaze rested on Pippin, and a startled look, matched with regret, passed over his face.  
  
"You have seen a halfling before." Gandalf noted.  
  
"Yes. Two passed through Osgiliath recently."  
  
"When?" I demanded. He looked at me for the first time and amazement crossed his face.  
  
"Jané!"  
  
"When did they pass through Osgiliath?" Gandalf pressed impatiently.  
  
"Not two days ago." Faramir answered, still looking at me.  
  
"Good. Which way did they go?"  
  
"They said they planned to travel past Minas Morgul." Faramir said uncertainly, his gaze resting once again on Gandalf.  
  
"Minas Morgul?" Gandalf repeated, frowning. "Indeed." Then he nudged Shadowfax, who galloped back up the hill.  
  
"My lady, how came you..." Faramir began.  
  
"There will be time for that later, Faramir." I said, reaching out and touching his shoulder. "Care for your men. I will go and see if I can encourage the kitchens to prepare something for you and your men."  
  
"We deserted." Faramir said glumly. I nudged Enya with my knee.  
  
"It's called a tactical retreat, Faramir dearest." I said, "And you'd be dead without it."  
  
"At least father might care if I was." Faramir said. I reigned Enya in, so the horses stood side by side and I faced Faramir.  
  
"Don't ever say that!" I hissed angrily. "He is not the only one who cares for you!"  
  
"You would love a bow-legged chicken." Faramir retorted.  
  
"And you are neither bow-legged, nor chicken-like, and I love you all the more for it. Take care, Faramir." I said, and cantered up the hill.  
  
As Enya climbed the hill I looked up, and saw a small shape clambering up the side of the beacon tower. It seemed, then, that Denethor had refused to light the beacon himself.  
  
I walked into the great hall, and saw Denethor pacing. He looked up as I walked in.  
  
"That storm-crow wants to light the beacon!" He snarled.  
  
"It would be to your aid." I said neutrally, unwilling to get myself in an argument.  
  
"Pah!" He spat, and I frowned. "Why should Rohan come to our aid, and bring with it the false king, this Lord Aragorn?"  
  
"Has it never occurred to you that perhaps Lord Aragorn is the true king?" I asked carefully.  
  
"And you're what? The Queen of Mordor?" Denethor gave a derisive bark of laughter. I smiled to myself at his accuracy.  
  
"Rohan will come to your aid, my lord." I said. "And you will need their help."  
  
"I need no-one's help!" Denethor snapped.  
  
"Your duty is to the city and the people who dwell here!" I said sternly. "Do not let your pride come between you and salvation." I warned. Denethor opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted by cried of 'The beacon!'  
  
"No!" Denethor cried, rushing to the window. I joined him, and I saw the next beacon, far along the mountains, spring to light.  
  
"This is your doing!" He accused me.  
  
"I had no part in it." I said levelly, standing my ground.  
  
"Begone!" He ordered. "And send for Faramir, and Pippin."  
  
*&*  
  
I met both in the halls on my way back to my room. Pip was dressed in the uniform of a Gondorian guard, and Faramir stood next to him.  
  
"Lord Denethor would see you both." I said softly. Faramir's face fell, and I drew him into a hug, then kissed his forehead. "Have courage, Faramir." I said. "Not everyone wishes-"  
  
"That I was Boromir?" Faramir finished harshly. "I think you and Boromir are the only ones!"  
  
"Finduilas-"  
  
"Died before I had a chance to remember any mother but you." Faramir said. "Excuse me." He brushed past me, and Pippin followed, surprise etched on our face at our exchange. I sighed and continued to my rooms, where I had a long awaited bath and sleep.  
  
*&*  
  
I awoke only just in time to see Faramir off, as he rode on a fool's journey to take back Osgiliath.  
  
I was too late to go down and say goodbye in person, and instead hurried out to the point of the High Court and starting singing, loud and clear, Faramir's favourite song from when he and Boromir were little, and life was a lot less cruel.  
  
I could not truly make anyone out, as far down as they were, but I fancied I saw Faramir turn and salute me, before he left the city. I started to run back towards the citadel, but slowed before I had barely gotten two steps, deciding that as pretty as this dress was, it was simply not designed for running. It was pale gold, almost pastel yellow, silk, with a very tight bodice that emphasised my cleavage more than was strictly necessary. It had a long floor length skirt in the same pale gold silk, although it was fairly tight, and didn't allow for running, or even for big steps.  
  
The whole thing was sleeveless, making it necessary for me to wear a flared- sleeved sky blue long cardigan, which fastened up the front with delicate gold chain. The sun pendant, as always, hung at my throat. My hair was piled high on my head, to keep it out of my face.  
  
Denethor sat in his chair eating, and Pippin stood beside him singing. Just as I went in the door, I glanced over my shoulder at Osgiliath and saw the great shadow of horsemen attacking. Then the door shut behind me.  
  
I stood in the shadows of the hall, watching as Denethor ate with appalling manners, as usual. I had done my best to school both his sons out of that, and for the most part I believed I had succeeded.  
  
Pippin's song ended, and I saw him bow his head and blink away tears.  
  
"My lord Denethor." I said, coming forward. Pippin started, but relaxed when he saw me.  
  
"What?" Denethor asked moodily.  
  
"You have sent your remaining son on a fool's errand." I said bluntly.  
  
Denethor rose. "How dare you question me?" He roared. I stood my ground.  
  
"He is as like to my own son!" I shot back. "Why do you do this?"  
  
"I wish it was he who had gone to Rivendell, that Boromir would now still live." I stalked up to him, livid with fury.  
  
"How dare you say that?" I cried. "How dare you-" Denethor swung out at me, and caught me on the cheekbone, narrowly missing my eye with his great ring. I was thrown to the floor and I slid a few feet on the marble stone before I stopped. I rose to my feet.  
  
"Very well." I said, and left.  
  
*&*  
  
Hours later, I stared in horror at the great armies spewing from Mordor and filling Pelennor Fields, the plain that surrounded Minas Tirith. I had known the army of Mordor would be great, but this was unexpected. And terrifying. My hand went to the ring on my finger.  
  
"Stay safe, my love." I sent the thought out across Middle Earth, then went to the citadel.  
  
Denethor was doing his level best to ignore the presence of the armies on his doorstep. His trust that Minas Tirith would hold went beyond blind faith until it became deadly idiocy. He would hear none of my protests, however, telling me to return to my chambers, since as I was a mere woman, I would know nothing of warfare.  
  
I didn't tell him that this woman was older than he was and had a good deal more experience when it came to warfare than he did, but I was sorely tempted. Pippin, who stood at his lord's side, looked terrified. Anger burned in my heart that Denethor would keep him, almost as a toy, his little mini-guard. Then cries brought us running out of the citadel, the others in front of me, since the dress stopped me from running. I made a note to change and soon as possible.  
  
All thought of changing left my mind when I saw the body on the stretcher beneath the White Tree. "Faramir!" I screamed, running and kneeling at his side. He was flushed with fever, and the arrow still protruded from the chink in his armour. But I knew better than to pull it out.  
  
Denethor stood at the edge of the High Court, lamenting the loss of his son. I went to him and grabbed his arm.  
  
"My lord, Faramir yet lives!" I cried, trying to get through to him. Denethor threw me off, and I landed, yet again, sprawled on the ground. When I stood I saw Gandalf hitting Denethor with his staff, and got great satisfaction from it. That was the second time he had hit me. I knew already that one of my eyes was swollen and bruised, and I was going to hit back if he tried it again.  
  
"Are you alright- what happened?" Gandalf demanded. I rolled my eyes.  
  
"He got me." I said, nodding my head in Denethor's direction.  
  
"He struck you?" Gandalf exclaimed.  
  
"Twice. Just now, and earlier."  
  
"He got you with his ring." Gandalf observed. I shrugged. Gandalf nodded, then started snapping instructions. Then he disappeared to the battlements.  
  
*&*  
  
The battle began, and soon the sounds of screams and crashes filled the air. I was organising medicines in the Halls of Healing, (bemoaning the lack of athelas), when Alina, Faramir's old nurse, ran in.  
  
"Lady Jané! Denethor's gone mad! He's to burn Faramir and himself in the crypt!" I shoved what I was holding at a nearby woman and ran. Failing that, I hiked up my skirts. The women all gasped. I'm not sure what offended them most, the fact that I was immodestly showing my legs, or the fact that I wore boots, rather than lady-like slippers.  
  
I reached the crypt, and heard yelling from inside. I pushed past the guards, heedless of their attempts to stop me, and ran in. It was dark, but by the central table, Denethor was ordering wood to piled around the base if the stone platform. He stood atop the table, and poured clear oil over his head.  
  
"What are you doing?" I shouted, running forward.  
  
"Hold her!" Denethor ordered, and the guards grabbed me, ripping the blue cardigan I wore. I struggled, tearing my skirt, and wrecking my hair. Not that I cared particularly at that point. Then the doors crashed open. The guards let go of me in their surprise, but before I reached the table Denethor grabbed the torch from one of the guards.  
  
"Stop!" I screamed, but he took no notice, his gaze fixed on Shadowfax, Gandalf and Pippin, who galloped up the aisle. I flung myself to one side to prevent myself being trampled, and Denethor dropped the torch. The oil caught fire immediately, and soon the sound of roaring flames echoed in the chamber. The Denethor saw something, and looked relieved. The sound of the flames filled my ears, and blocked any noise. Then Pippin flung himself from Shadowfax and landed on the table. He grabbed Faramir, and rolled, falling off the table and rolling away from the flames. I hurried to his side, wiping the oil from his face using the sleeve of my cardigan. He looked up at me.  
  
"You're falling out of that dress." He observed. I rolled my eyes and pulled up the bodice. Then Faramir looked up at his father. He was dazed, as was expected, but he still recognised him. Denethor gave a sudden shriek, and I looked up to see Denethor flee the crypt, a burning figure in the dark room.  
  
*&*  
  
I took Faramir to the Halls of Healing, and left him there. I went to the High Court to see if I could tell how it was faring, and saw that it was both better and worse. Better, as the Rohirrim had arrived, worse, in that I could see the pirate boats floating up the river.  
  
I ducked as one of the winged monsters flew over my head, and it missed me by a fraction, its claws snatching at my blue cardigan and ripping a sleeve totally off. My clothes were not faring well, today. I already had Faramir's blood on the skirt, from when I had gotten the arrow out of him, and there was soot, and oil, and mud, and general mess all over my outfit. I'm sure, although I hadn't seen a mirror to check, that by now I looked like a whore who had fallen in a gutter. This wasn't exactly the most modest of dresses, and it had been ripped quite a few times in inconvenient places. Nothing too bad on my torso, but the incredibly low bodice meant that that wasn't necessary. And pale yellow just wasn't the right colour for a battle.  
  
I started singing once I realised how the Nazgûl and their flying mounts decimated our armies. They faltered, and screamed their protest at the magic. Then all of a sudden the beasts flew out of control, fighting their masters, and refusing to follow orders. The I went to the sick rooms, ready to get my hands dirty trying to help the unwell..  
  
*&*  
  
I was dismayed to see Éowyn and Merry in the sick rooms, but relieved to find it was not any other of my friends. I had word that Théodan had died on the field, but forced myself to grieve for my friend later. I made myself show a business like air, and soon myself and my companions worked quickly and efficiently, tending to the wounds of the unwell.  
  
After about three hours, I hurried to the throne room. I wanted to talk with Gandalf about Éowyn and Merry, who were in comas, allegedly from killing the Witch King.  
  
Gandalf caught my attention immediately as I walked into the room.  
  
"Gandalf!" I called. He turned to face me. His eyebrows raised at my appearance. My hair had come completely out now, and tumbled down my back and over my shoulders. My left eye was swollen, and my cheekbone had a cut from Denethor's ring. I had disposed of my cardigan completely, leaving me bare armed and bare shouldered. The bodice was inching its way down again, but I had given up trying to pull it up. Both skirt and bodice were soiled with blood, soot, mud and other things that I didn't know and weren't interested in. the skirt was ripped to my knee on one side, and my hands and arms were scraped and grazed.  
  
"Can you believe this? This dress will have to be burnt!" I complained. Gandalf chuckled. "Anyway. We're running out of bandages, and beds. Éowyn and Merry are in comas, allegedly from killing the Witch King. Faramir's sleeping. And would you believe this place has no athelas?" I ranted. "When Aragorn is king I am going to have regular inspections to make sure he always has some. And if he doesn't, I am going to...oh." My words faded as I suddenly realised the company. Standing behind Gandalf was Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli. "And I now feel really stupid." I finished. Legolas and Gimli chuckled, and Aragorn cracked a tired smile.  
  
"Hello Jané." Aragorn said. He looked me up and down. "Why exactly do you look like a bed-tumbled trollop?" he asked. I looked down at myself, and pulled up the bodice.  
  
"I'd hate to discover what kind of bed-tumbled trollops you know, that are covered in blood and gore!" I shot back. "This dress was originally quite nice. Very pretty. Now it's just a mess."  
  
"You can say that again." Gimli said, from where he was sat in Denethor's chair, smoking.  
  
"What happened?" Legolas asked concernedly, coming forward. He touched my cheek lightly, and I flinched.  
  
"Ow. Hands off, love, it hurts."  
  
"Who dared..." Legolas began. "I'll kill him!"  
  
"No, you wont." I corrected. "Because he's already dead. Don't worry about it, I'm not. How is everyone? And how did you finish the battle that quick?" that really confused me.  
  
"Ghost army." Gimli said proudly. I raised an eyebrow at Aragorn.  
  
"The men of the hills who betrayed Isildur years ago." He said, I nodded in understanding.  
  
"Ah. Them. Lovely people."  
  
"Deadly." Legolas added. I turned to him.  
  
"My love, you are a deadly person. But you are also a lovely person." I kissed him lightly, then turned to the others.  
  
"I have to get back. Someone find me some athelas." And then I returned to the Halls of Healing.  
  
Next I heard, they had all ridden out to the gates of Mordor, and they hadn't even told me! I amused the others in the Halls of Healing with my ranting and complaining, I'm sure. I wasn't too amused, that was for sure.  
  
I procured the athelas out of somewhere, and it was dried and definitely years old. I really wouldn't have been surprised if it had been from Finduilas' time. But it was still potent, which was what was important.  
  
A loud crash brought me running to the window. A quick glance told me it hadn't come from the city itself, meaning that it must have come from Osgiliath or from Mordor, where my friends were. I cursed them aloud for leaving me here without a word, and shocked the ladies in the Halls of Healing into quiet. Which had its advantages, I suppose.  
  
"That was rude, Jané." Faramir said, opening his eyes and rolling over. I ran to his side, smiling with relief.  
  
"If it woke you up, I'll forgive myself. How do you feel?"  
  
"Shocked that my appearance-sensitive aunt is still wearing the same trollop-like gown she was when I was brought in. only now it looks a lot worse." Faramir smiled. I hiked up the bodice.  
  
"Yes, well. There wasn't an awful lot of time to change. What with you getting dragged in, and then the whole bloody battle, and your father and all the rest of it." I shrugged. Faramir rose onto one elbow.  
  
"My father...he?"  
  
"Realised how much he loved you." I said with a small smile, brushing a lock of hair out of Faramir's eyes. "A little late, though, I think."  
  
"Where is he?" I frowned. How in all hells was I meant to answer that? Faramir nodded, and collapsed back onto the bed. "I understand. To be perfectly honest, I didn't think he would last much longer. The palantír always took so much out of him." I could have fallen over from shock had I not already been kneeling on the floor. "Didn't you know?" Faramir asked innocently. I swallowed all the things I wanted to say and shook my head.  
  
"No. no, I didn't." Faramir stretched out a hand to touch my cheek and I flinched away.  
  
"What happened? Who struck you?" Faramir asked concernedly.  
  
"Your father." I said dryly. "He still doesn't like it when I argue with him, and I never seem to get the hint to stop."  
  
"You never have." Faramir rebuked me. I shrugged.  
  
There were a few moments of silent, while I sorted through my thoughts and rejoiced at Faramir's recovery. Then his tentative voice broke into my thoughts.  
  
"Am I steward now, then?" he asked softly. I looked down at him and smiled.  
  
"You are, little love." I said, using the nickname I had used for him when he was a child. He went red.  
  
"I told you a million times to stop it." He complained. I laughed.  
  
"And I told you the day I stop would be the day I joined your mother." I shot back. Faramir cracked a smile. "You are steward, Faramir, although you will be steward to the king, not to yourself, as your father was."  
  
"So the king is among us." Faramir said with wonder. "I always hoped...but never thought it would happen."  
  
"No. The sheer chance of it, doubled with the fact you were second for the thrown." I reasoned. Faramir relaxed onto the bed, and I passed a hand over his forehead. "Sleep Faramir. You're not healed yet." He slept, and I rose. It was definitely time for me to have a bath and sleep.  
  
*&*  
  
I slept for near on three hours, then had one of the servants draw up a bath. After soaking off all the horrible grime and gunk from the last two and a half days, I twisted my wet hair up, and was in the process of getting the back of my red taffeta dress laced up by the servant when Aragorn walked in. I barely heard him, my attention focused elsewhere. He took the place of the servant and was lacing me up before I knew he was even in the room. It was only when he pulled a bit hard that I noticed.  
  
"Hey!" I complained. "I still need to breathe."  
  
"I thought that was what the open back was for." Aragorn said. I started the turn but he held me tightly by the waist. "Stop moving so I can finish this."  
  
He had a point. The dress had a low back, and left my spine bare to my lower back. It had a wide skirt (thank goodness!) and a tight bodice. The bodice had a low back, and off-shoulder sleeves that were tight to my elbow and then flared out. It was dark red, the colour of the old dark-red roses. When Aragorn finished tying the back, I turned and hugged him tight, reluctant to let him go. I again noticed just how much taller than me he was, as I only just reached past his shoulder. He kissed my forehead and stepped back, scrutinising me.  
  
"You look well. The swelling's gone down." He noted, nodding at my eye.  
  
"I pressed athelas on it while working." I said with a shrug. "I'm alright, apart from the eye, which is going down. You look awful." Aragorn sank into a chair by the window, stretching his legs before him and leaning his head back on the chair.  
  
"I'm very tired. We just...somehow, escaped getting massacred by orcs, and now all I want to do is sleep."  
  
"You should." I said, unpinning my hair so my wet black hair fell down my back. I started brushing it, and there was a knock on the door. I saw Aragorn sink farther into his chair, so I went to answer it myself.  
  
"Legolas!" I smiled a greeting.  
  
"Jané. Is your errant brother here?" Legolas, too, looked tired.  
  
"He's asleep. What is it?" I asked.  
  
"I'm not." Aragorn walked up behind me. He quickly twisted my hair up and pinned it, almost absently, like he wasn't thinking about it. "Have they arrived yet?"  
  
"Just now. Legolas answered. "They're both unconscious though." I grabbed Legolas' arm.  
  
"Frodo! He's here?" I demanded. Legolas smiled down at me.  
  
"Frodo and Sam both. They did it, and not a second too late."  
  
"Well, what are we standing here for?" I asked, gathering my skirts and running down the corridors to the Halls of Healing.  
  
Frodo and Sam lay in separate rooms. Sam looked like he was only suffering from exhaustion, both mental and physical, and malnutrition. Lembas only takes you so far, which I found out when I travelled to Mordor myself.  
  
Frodo, however, was suffering from much worse than malnutrition and exhaustion. He had carried a burden of the soul, and his fight against the darkness of the ring showed appearance, etched onto his features like carvings in stone.  
  
I sat alone in his room, gently washing the grime of Mordor away. Tears were running unhindered down my face, but I ignored them, all my attention focused on Frodo. On the bedside table sat the ring I had given him at the start of the quest, which seemed so long ago, that I had received from Galadriel. He started in his deep sleep, and I touched his cheek in comfort, and he turned his face into my hand, and I smiled slightly through my tears.  
  
I looked again at his right hand, where Gollum had bitten his finger off, the finger that had held the ring at the end, and claimed it for his own. I knew this had happened, but I spoke of it to no one. I had neither seen it, nor dreamed it, but it was soul-knowledge, information that you know to the depths of your soul, without question.  
  
"Jané. Are you alright?" I turned my head to see Legolas at the door, and in an instant he was at my side, wiping my tears away. "My love. My poor love." He murmured, pulling my from Frodo's side into an enveloping hug. I clung to him and sobbed. My hands clutched at his jerkin, and I buried my face in his chest, the sun pendant I had given him for a wedding gift pressing into my forehead, he never took it off. I had no idea why I cried – I only knew I was ecstatic to have everyone back and well, and if they were not well, they were healing. But still my tears fell. Legolas guided me from the room, and soon my tears dried.  
  
"I'm sorry." I said, wiping my tears away. "I don't know why I'm crying. I'm happy really." I smiled weakly through my tears.  
  
"You've had a hard time of it, love. Gandalf said you practically ran the city when Denethor fell."  
  
"Then Gandalf lies." I said with a grin. "I did no such thing. But I shan't correct him. Not when it's such a nice thing to say." If Legolas was surprised by my mood swing, he didn't say anything.  
  
"It's time for dinner, that's why I came to fetch you." He said, taking my arm. I leaned my head on his shoulder as we walked down the corridor.  
  
"Has Aragorn slept any?" I asked. Legolas snorted.  
  
"No. that would be like asking if snow fell in high summer. There isn't a chance." I smiled.  
  
"Well then." I said softly. "Then I'll be needing to stop by my room for a moment." 


	15. Crowns of Gold, Silver and Bronze

Near the end of the feast, Aragorn found himself growing tired. I am half inclined that it had nothing to do with me and the herbs I mixed in his wine, which were enough to fell a horse, but somehow I doubt it. When Legolas observed Aragorn's exhaustion condition, he sent me a wry, reproving look, to which I shrugged. Then he and I helped him to his room, where he slept for quite a long time.  
  
I spent much time with Merry, who had woken, and Pippin, and they told me much of their adventures, and marvelled that they came nearly to my shoulder as a result of the ent-water.  
  
I noticed also the growing romance between Faramir and Éowyn, who had woken from her coma feeling caged. She had been restless for days before she met Faramir, and now they spent barely any time apart.  
  
Two weeks after Frodo and Sam were brought to the halls of healing, they woke. I had been down the hall, tending to Éowyn's broken arm, when I heard the peals of laughter echo down the halls.  
  
"Well? Don't stand there like a fool bandaging my arm!" Éowyn said sharply. "Go on!" I grinned at her and hurried down the hall.  
  
I slipped into the room to see everyone already there. The entire room rang with laughter, as Frodo greeted his friends and relished in his survival. He spotted me and grinned, picking up the ring from the bedside and holding it out to me. I came forward and knelt before him.  
  
"It's yours, Frodo. Keep it." He nodded, slipping it onto his finger. I ruffled his curls and he grinned up at me. I don't think I have ever been so happy in my life.  
  
*&*  
  
I stood in the crowds, watching as the crown was placed on Aragorn's head. My voice rose with the rest of the crowd's, and when he sang, I smiled. Everything that had been done, in my eighty years and his eighty-seven, had all led to this. This had been the goal of the world: the crowning of the heir of Elendil, the restored king of the west. Kera grinned at me from my side, where she held the silken flag of Anorondor on the pole.  
  
"Two crownings in a day." She said with a smile.  
  
"Though mine will be distinctly less public." I retorted. Then I focused on Aragorn again. He was walking down through the throngs now. He came to us first, and I curtsied deeply, my curling black hair falling over my shoulders and my gold-orange silk skirts swirling around me. He raised me, and kissed my cheek.  
  
"My lord." I murmured.  
  
"Your highness." He returned with a smile. Then he moved on, greeting Legolas where he stood as Prince of Mirkwood, and then he met Elrond. I grinned when I saw the flag bearer move the flag away from her face to reveal Arwen. I realised I had never told him she had not sailed. Oops.  
  
He kissed her full on, in front of everyone, and the crowd let forth an appreciative shout. Then Aragorn took Arwen with him, and when he came to the four hobbits, which stood alone in a small raised area. They bowed slightly, and Aragorn frowned.  
  
"My friends. You need not bow to me." He said reprovingly, and then he and Arwen sank to one knee before them, and the entire crowd followed, and I saw the four look around apprehensively, obviously not expecting this. Then we rose, and festivities commenced.  
  
There was a great festival and celebration outside on the high court, but inside the hall, it was cool and quiet as I knelt before Aragorn.  
  
"You swear to live by your country, to put it before yourself in everything, no matter the difficulty?" I felt a pang of guilt at this – having put my heart before my sanity.  
  
"I do." I answered. Aragorn continued for some time in this vein, explaining my obligations as Queen of Mordor.  
  
"Tanyra na'quel." I answered the final question in old Mordor, and it was the sealing answer. Aragorn nodded, then placed the gold crown on my head. The crown was simply a circlet of gold, with alternating gold and bronze waving spikes coming from it. The bronze spikes were about half as tall as the gold ones, and the whole thing had been polished so it shone like the sun it represented. Then Aragorn raised me.  
  
"Men took the crown from your people, and so now I return it to you, Queen Jané of Anorondor." I nodded solemnly.  
  
"May our people work together in peace and prosperity." I answered. It was the proper response to this – the crowning had been scripted from almost the moment Queen Janira had had it taken from her.  
  
Then Aragorn hugged me, the crowning over. Finally, I could relax!  
  
"What a pair we make, eh?" he asked with a grin. I laughed. All of my friends came forth to congratulate me, mostly with hugs, but then Legolas just grasped my shoulders and kissed me, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, and we were almost oblivious to my brother's laughter.  
  
A week later, I entered Mordor rather carefully. The place had been wrecked, that was for sure. I frowned, and Legolas took my hand. A dry wind blew black ash around in small cyclones that played with our clothes.  
  
"No one ever said it would be easy." Legolas commented.  
  
"This place is definitely going to need redecorating." I commented, and then he and I continued into the heart of Mordor. My country. My Mordor.  
  
The Queen had returned.  
  
*&* 


	16. Epilogue

Epilogue  
  
*&*  
  
Five months later  
  
Legolas and I lay side by side on the big bed in my room, our bodies spooned together and his arm over my bare hip. We had retaken the old tower, Minas Morgul, and Frodo had given me the elf-light from Galadriel once he heard of my Queenship.  
  
"You're going to need it." He had said.  
  
The light had driven evil from the place. I had put it in top tower, and almost instantly its light had blazed out, and darkness fled from Mordor.  
  
With the help of a little weather magic, and much hard work from both myself and the few peoples of Mordor who had emerged from the mountains when they heard of my queenship, Mordor was slowly turning green again. In my room, I carefully nursed a seedling grown from the seed of the Red Tree.  
  
Light was slowly driving the darkness from my country, and everyday Mordor grew less like Mordor and more like Anorondor, its new name, Land of Dawn. Anorondor had been the original name, and I could think of no better.  
  
"Marry me." Legolas' voice broke into my thoughts. I turned over so I faced him.  
  
"I'm sorry love. What did you say?" I asked.  
  
"I want you to marry me." He repeated. Inwardly, I sighed. We had had this conversation before.  
  
"Legolas, I have told you. I want to be properly established as queen before I start flying into the teeth of convention."  
  
"How can you be more established as queen?" Legolas protested.  
  
"How about they see how well I can rule, and what I can do for this country? Get on their good lists before I get on their bad lists?" I snapped. "And anyway. We were married from the day you asked me in Rivendell. Why do you need a proper wedding?"  
  
"To prove it to the world." Legolas retorted.  
  
"Why bother?" I asked, "All that matters is that we each believe we are married, which we do. It doesn't matter what others think."  
  
"But-"  
  
"Legolas, please. May we speak of this in the morning?" I pleaded. I seemed to do that more and more often lately.  
  
He said nothing, but turned away from me. I put my arm over his waist and slept.  
  
The next morning, I woke to sun streaming through my window. Legolas was gone, although he usually was when I woke. I got up, enjoying the feeling of being well loved. I wrapped a robe around me and walked towards the door to ask Mara to get a bath ready for me. Then I saw it on the dresser.  
  
The sun glinted off it like it was a pool of liquid gold. I gingerly picked it up, almost like I was afraid it would bit me. The gold and topaz pendant flashed in the sunlight. It hung motionless from my fingers with a tone of dead finality.  
  
He was gone then. For good.  
  
I sank onto the floor, clutching my robe tighter around me, the feeling of being loved had dissolved into the feeling of being bereft of the one thing I had loved more than my world.  
  
I cried. 


	17. Author Note

This is just a short author note. If you actually liked the story, please tell me. I've actually got a sequel (I have no social life), so it you want that one, you can have it. But u have 2 tell me, or I wont put it up. Istalindar 


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